So basically.. my STBXW who has been through cancer.. and has beat it after 15 years later.. e.g. cancer free.. but has some pains and shit.. she can go on vacations no problem.. go out with friends, etc.. but she has decided she deserves to retire without going back to work to earn money. It's true.. she is slower.. less capable to lift things.. etc.. but I also suspect most folks who don't work out regularly and are 56 (her age) or older.. are slowing down, etc due to age anyway. I suffer similar (but diff) pains at 59 years of age.

She could be earning 100K+ a year (part time).. like she used to. She has about 200K in a retirement account.. that's it. The rest is my salary supporting us completely.. and I have about 10K in a 401K.. that's it. No savings.. we live check to check the past many months.. and with kids finishing college.. haven't had the funds to save much beyond the little bit of retirement accounts.

We live in a community property state.. so pretty much everything would be split 50/50.

Before I get any replies of "file immediately". To do so is suicide... she has a source of money (her parents) who will absolutely fund her lawyer fees (but likely will be me paying for them because of how shitty divorce works in this situation.. she barely makes money, thus I'll be footing her lawyer bills too supposedly which is fucking ridiculous).. and I do not. So if I file.. and she gets a lawyer.. which I know she will (overheard a conversation with her/her parents.. they would do so and help her).. I would be royally fucked. I have a good lawyer option.. but its going to run me 15K or more.. and I don't want to move out.. take on those expenses.. and have crazy lawyer fees too.

I am worried.. however.. that she might somehow be able to pull some magical shit out of her hat to get a doctor (she is in medical profession.. when she was working).. to get her a note to indicate she cant work.. and thus retire somehow. Making it impossible to impute her salary. Being a few years shy of 62.. she cant even earn SSN.. so I am unclear until that kicks in.. how she can technically retire.. but assuming somehow that is possible.. that would mean I assume that she would get like 1/2 my take home (and not taxed).. for.. maybe life.. since were 22 years married.

I honestly can see why many men in these situations just.. end it. Not that I am thinking like that.. yet.. but my God it is such a fucked thing.. like how in the hell the courts/whoever comes up with this shit makes this possible.. it's unreal to me. It's unreal that they can require one person to work.. probably 2 jobs just to survive.. while the other person gets to live a life of relaxation/etc.. knowing they got 1000s coming in on alimony every month. In her case.. she can move in with her parents.. so no rent/mortgage either.. and somehow that DOES NOT affect how much alimony I pay? Like WTF? The point of alimony is to be fair to the person making less.. so they can find a job(s) and get back on their feet. This bullshit of paying for half the marriage to life.. especially if they don't account for them livign somewhere for free.. how the fuck this is fair is bullshit.