Running on empty

agog09 · 2026-08-04T16:01:21+00:00

My wife waited until my mom died before revealing her infidelity and telling me she wanted a divorce. She had a good relationship with my mom, and did not want to upset her. Me? Not so concerned. She waited a week.

OP, you know by now how hard this is. It is almost certainly the hardest period in life you will go through. I am not here to say it is easy or even that I am handling it well. But I am still here. I still have the love of my children, as I am sure you do as well. I put everything into providing for my family, such that I am isolated socially. I am afraid of being alone forever. You asked how to feel. Here's what I tell myself:

No one is coming to save me.
I still have a future -- just not the one I had imagined.
The secret is not to chase after butterflies. It is to tend to the garden so that they come to you.
If you want to be interesting, be interested.

This is all about me and my problems, but maybe it can help you as well.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2026-08-03T20:34:30+00:00

I had an actual good piece of advice recently.

Grief is not a bad thing. Everyone usually grieves something. Grief is just love plus time. And if you never have grieved anything, you have never loved hard enough.

Sure, it would be nice to share that with someone and especially the person you promised to do the same for. But she is only your wife on paper now. There is no wife anymore. Her trying is to make her not feel so uncomfortable and to help her deal with the loss as well.

Just realize, if it hurts to grieve that loss, it just means you loved a lot. Now is the time to pull yourself out of that and strengthen yourself. But remember, even on strong days, it's ok to grieve.

footnfootout · 2026-08-03T04:19:39+00:00

Hey buddy,
I felt that same coldness at the end of my marriage. It fucking hurt, especially after 22 years of marriage.

My advice is to let yourself feel what’s inside. Seriously, stop, close your eyes, and check in with your body. Notice what you’re feeling and where you’re feeling it. Then acknowledge it. Maybe it’s grief over losing someone who was your best friend. Maybe it’s fear of the future. Whatever it is, it’s okay to feel it.

You should feel the pain. But also remember that it’s temporary, not permanent. What you’re feeling today will be different tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.

You’ve got this, brother.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2026-08-03T03:59:22+00:00

I’m sorry for all the hits you’re absorbing right now. That would break a lot of people, but I can tell from your writing that you’re strong and thoughtful.

I too grieved the loss of my wife, the loss of my role as a husband, the e loss of my role as a full time father. And then shortly after was diagnosed with cancer. That’s very different than the loss of a family member, but I can relate to wanting to turn in that moment to that one person who was supposed to be there for you. I too have kept my ex at arms length throughout my fight, even though she tried to reach out and connect.

I just want to say two things to you. First, find love and support in others around you, even if it seems like an unlikely place, people will show up for you. Let them.

Second, I know you can do this. Really grieve your losses. But then pick yourself up and build an incredible life for yourself and your kids. One your mom would be proud of. Honor her legacy with that and tap into all the love she showed you all those years for strength.

gammaglobe · 2026-08-03T03:50:52+00:00

You are not alone. Thank you for sharing this.

Pure_Pause3200 · 2026-08-03T03:09:08+00:00

u/depressed_divorce,

My sincere condolences. I'm sorry I don't have answers to your questions that would be remotely helpful. I do want to send you my support, from one gent to another that is going through an awful divorce situation with kids involved.

Mourn the loss of your mom with your kids. She is their grandma. She was your wife's mother in law. A very different relationship altogether. I'm not saying that she isn't mourning. If you can, mourn together as a family. Please don't let this tragic situation break you. Grieve and show your kids how you feel. It doesn't make you less of a man to cry and show emotion with your kids. You will make them better kids. If you have a boy, it will be great to show him how to be a real man. If you have daughters, it would be great to emulate what they should want in a future partner.

Again, my sincere condolences.

Whisk3yChuck · 2026-08-03T03:02:26+00:00

Sorry to hear brother. My life is going to shit too. You’re not alone. No motivation just know you’re not alone.

Fan_of_Sanity · 2026-08-03T02:23:25+00:00

Man, that sucks. I’m so sorry.

I had a taste of this when my wife told me she wanted a divorce. The first couple of weeks were hard, and I was mourning the death of our marriage and just wanted a good hug. Except the person I’d normally go to for good hugs was the cause of my sadness, so what was I supposed to do?

I know this isn’t exactly the same as your situation, but it’s close enough to give me an idea of what you’re going through.

Chin up, brother.

SireSweet · 2026-08-03T02:22:16+00:00

Death comes for everyone and it’s not usually convenient. I’d give everything and more to see people I’ve lost one day. That said…

Mourn your family, but you should also keep preparing for what comes after. You don’t want to make it worse for you- that’s not what any mother should want. You got shit to do and we dont carry the luxury of life caring about us.

We carry on knowing the world will beat us down and grind us out.

You have us, while we don’t know you, we know the situation- we know the challenges- we come out the other side with scars on us.

I’d love to give you a motivational pep talk but when it boils down to it and afterwards, you’ve got to live with the choices. You need to. Find some reason to keep going.

We love you. Stay with us. Solider on.

CaptainZS2 · 2026-08-03T02:14:46+00:00

Damn I’m so sorry. Two greatest losses in my life have been my dad and marriage, for me they were 16 years apart. Both individually broke me, I have no words but offer what comfort I can provide.

I’m sorry for your loss.

You can’t rely on your ex, make sure you have a therapist to talk to.

Title	Running on empty
Author	depressed_divorce
Upvotes	9
Comments	20
Date	August 3, 2026 2:06 AM UTC (4 days ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ve0e7v/running_on_empty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/running-on-empty.1628790 https://theredarchive.com/post/1628790

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