Wtf is this even?

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-09-04T06:34:20+00:00

Many others said in this thread: Document (including the time with kids), consult with attorney, think about a Private Investigator (who might save you 6 figures over a decade or so for 5 figures today).

When women flip mode, there's usually somebody else, or they're THINKING about someone, often somebody in particular.

Data_Fan · 2025-08-30T16:38:04+00:00

This is a great opportunity for you. Document and record everything, that you are living/co-exiating peaceful ly and sharing parenting. Because if accusations start flying, you will be on the defensive and wil absolutely need these records, or she will likely win.

Also, marital property is divided at the time of filing, so get your shit together. Make sure everything that is non-traceble is in your possession. And if its traceable, get the documents to prove it in case she tries to take it.

It sounds cynical, but she is no longer someone who can be trusted. So don't.

Main_Web504 · 2025-08-29T22:59:37+00:00

Excellent, use every opportunity you can now until she files to buy visa gift cards and do cash back on every purchase within reason and hide it away. Thank me later and your dumbass spouse. She gave you a huge advantage, now capitalize on it and spend every moment with your kids that you can until the day you only see them 50% of the time.

Creative-Yellow-9246 · 2025-08-29T19:23:14+00:00

Yeah my ex had that plan. I told her she was welcome to stay but I wasn't going anywhere. I just kept living my life like nothing changed, taking care of everything and paying all the bills. She moved out when the divorce was final. The older kids stayed with me. The younger ones I had just under half the time. I have no idea what she was doing all day because her leaving left no vacuum at all. It did however make the house a lot more peaceful.

ArizonaSpartan · 2025-08-29T16:32:19+00:00

Don’t leave the house unless the law compels it, get lawyer, file first. Watch her head spin. And start documenting everything now.

BathAutomatic6972 · 2025-08-29T16:22:04+00:00

“I want a divorce.” “People in Hell want ice water.”

Out of curiosity, did she actually say that you were supposed to pack up your truck and leave?

Blitzkrieg. File. Pack her shit. Separate finances. Move her stuff to the living room. Self-surveil. Document. Don’t leave. Medication and check your anger do not fall into her trap or traps. You are a monk. You are Neo at the end of the matrix: just watch the fists fly past you.

Something that women do when they are in a situation where they’re going to lose an argument is they will start attacking you personally to try and get you angry, and then you have to argue your anger when you’re angry. Don’t take the bait!

RichardCleveland · 2025-08-29T12:16:25+00:00

First find out what the separation laws are in your state. In some places you HAVE to be separated an "X" amount of time prior to divorce. I am lucky that in Missouri that's not a requirement, but it would throw a wrench in things unless she will leave (obviously she won't). As parents we should never vacate our homes due to it being considered abandonment.

If that is all fine, you need to file ASAP. This shit obviously is seriously effecting your mental health. Some people mentioned building up a financial safety net, but that isn't legal. You can't hide marital funds. Of course you can try and possibly get away with it, but during discovery you will be blatantly lying. And if she has any suspicion or even evidence that you did... you are screwed.

This also is hurting your children.. there has always been a debate on if "staying for the kids" is best. But many of us who have been a child ourselves during this suffered trauma and in some cases needed therapy to work through it. It sucks, the family dynamic was horrible.

She's not leaving because she is financially comfortable. She will never leave if she's getting everything she wants, as it's obvious at this point she is simply using you. If I were in this position (and didn't have to separate) I would rush to an attorney and file immediately.

Don't play her games, and FFS put your kids first.

biscuts99 · 2025-08-29T12:13:26+00:00

Dont leave your house.

conker574 · 2025-08-29T12:02:34+00:00

Start documenting things. Daily. Your wife's only plan is to take all the assets and the kids. Don't leave the house. Consult a lawyer. Don't tell her a word of it

itoocouldbeanyone · 2025-08-29T11:30:06+00:00

Mine did that. But forced me via grey rock method to say let’s get separated. Wanted me out instantly and was shocked I consulted a lawyer after she wanted it to be amicable.

I had to get the agreements rolling. Doing most of the leg work. Refused to leave until they were signed with 50/50 custody.

It’s been over a year. She still hasn’t filed. DONT LEAVE UNTIL YOU’RE PROTECTED! There’s no incentive with these select few that want things done but put no effort into finalizing it after they get what they want.

BakedCheddar88 · 2025-08-29T10:57:49+00:00

Save your money. Build yourself a nest egg and get your finances in order. Everything is expensive and infinitely harder than before. My ex stayed with me like nine months and after she finally left I was financially devastated. Start cutting unnecessary expenses, get used to not having disposable income, practice living without less because once she’s truly gone, shit gets real

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2025-08-29T09:22:11+00:00

They want their cake and eating it too. You’re still paying the bills while she f****s around.

mesi130 · 2025-08-29T08:50:35+00:00

Money

HuumanDriftWood · 2025-08-29T08:39:10+00:00

The longer the train goes down the track, the more expensive it will be to get home.

Some Japanese saying or close enough to it.

P.s. this is my life I've been living for the last 5 going 6 years and it's ROUGH! Spent 8 hours on the phone finding out some crazy stuff and I've just formally left the house.

painfulletdown · 2025-08-29T08:03:46+00:00

you need to hurry and file before the false abuse accusations start. could take 1.5 years to get a trial date.

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-08-29T04:27:08+00:00

Never force them to stay. It's temporary and you pay dearly for it. Let her leave and don't look back.

SirLawnsALot · 2025-08-29T02:26:33+00:00

Things to do immediately:

File for divorce. Yesterday.

Take videos and pictures of the house, inside and out.

Change information to EVERY single account. This will take several passes. You need to be thorough as hell. Lock her out of funds that are yours. Don't forget to clear out digital wallets. Don't steal from her but don't let her have access to your $/information.

Take any valuables (guns gold jewelry cash heirlooms) and hide them at friends/relatives houses. Don't move out.

Stop having sex with her. Don't be in the same room as her. Don't talk unless it's directly about kids. Look up Grey rock, yellow rock, and BIFF communication methods. If she gets "heated" record immediately. Record and save all heated interactions.

Start journaling and documenting everything.

Get clean. She will use anything against you.

STFU. Hit the gym.

Expect a silver bullet divorce. Expect accusations of sexual or physical violence. Filing first, documenting and recording interactions may save your ass. Know that she will lie cheat manipulate ad nauseum and the courts won't care.

Unless she's beating the children while a cop watches or the kids are in the car for a DUI, she won't lose her parental rights or suffer true consequences. On the flip side, you will be heavily scrutinized and pay out the rear for every sneeze during this process.

Start taking over activities for the kids. Be present. Be at doctor's and school appointments. Be super dad. Don't bad mouth her in front of the kids and ignore when she does it about you. This always bites the disparaging party in the ass .

Fight (through your lawyer) for your 50/50 and don't give in.

Good luck.

Cool_Cat_Punk · 2025-08-29T01:55:21+00:00

I don't know. I tried the thing where I told my wife "divorce fantasies are your problem, not mine. I'm neither moving out or getting divorced".

This didn't last long. A few months maybe. The current state of law sides with women, and the legal truth is no one can stop a divorce. That part was news to my dumb ass. But not news to her.

Beyond the heartbreak and all that, I was serious about not getting divorced. This is my home blah blah. Go live in your room, fuck your guy all day long. Nevertheless this is my home and you're my wife.

She is very smart and just waited. Her mind was was made up months before. My weird fantasy of just living in some outdated Game of Thrones house with my cunt cheating wife didn't last long.

If you have kids, property and what not ...and most importantly, money, lawyer up now. You can't win.

Loud_Usual2045 · 2025-08-29T01:45:16+00:00

same, wife did the same but was waiting on a high profile lawyer, was booked out 2 months . get a lawyer, use chat gtp, it will help explain a lot and give you your best moves forward.

Vollen595 · 2025-08-29T01:29:03+00:00

File first and put the kids in counseling. It will pay off in the long run.

hazalo9 · 2025-08-29T11:16:27+00:00

It's time to prepare for what's ahead. Here’s a plan to protect yourself and your family: Prepare Legally: Start consulting with several top-rated family law attorneys immediately. This is crucial because once you have an official consultation with an attorney, your wife cannot hire them due to a conflict of interest. The more you consult, the more you limit her options and educate yourself. Organize Your Finances: Get a complete and detailed picture of all your assets, debts, and expenses. In a divorce, marital assets are typically divided. Understanding your financial situation is essential for negotiating a fair settlement. Consider proposing a buyout or another settlement agreement to potentially avoid costly court proceedings. Prioritize Your Children: Be the best father and role model you can be, especially in front of your kids. They will remember your strength and stability during this difficult time. Your actions now will shape their memories for years to come. Prepare Yourself Mentally: This will be an emotional battle. Acknowledge that her frustrations may eventually boil over. You need to be ready. Understand that your time with your children might change unless you get full custody, which can lead to moments of loneliness. Build a support system of friends and family. Remember, time truly does heal. Stay strong, bro!You can get through this. Good luck!!!

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-08-29T01:25:04+00:00

Do you want to try and work things out or are you done?

Is this the first time divorce has been mentioned? If it's out of the blue, strong chance she has or had someone on the side. Usually a co-worker.

Two options.

If you think it can be saved, go for it. Have a heart to heart and figure out the issue.
If it can't be saved, you need to pursue a legal separation ASAP to protect yourself and to start the divorce process.

Legal separation will allow you to protect your money and figure out if there needs to be child support or alimony once one of you moves out.

I highly recommend you get an STI test done asap. However you gotta do it, get one done. Check for everything.

Ask her to take one as well. If she doesn't, you got your answer.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2025-08-29T00:49:02+00:00

She had next man lined up before she told you that she wants divorce. Possibly it didn’t work with him exactly as she expected.

Talk to lawyers. Don’t move out. Prepare for custody battle.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-08-29T00:28:15+00:00

Right, you get angry and frustrated and leave. Problem solved.My ex did it for 15 years then played the single mom victim abandoned by awful bad man.

You sleeping on the couch too? Prepare now, legally, financially, physically, and mentally. Play that game so when she decides, you are ready. You are ready for when the cops show up, or when she tries to close the bank accounts, or starts calling lawyers only to find all of them have a COI cause you called them first. Mentally, get a therapist, start rebuilding yourself now.

Filing first, in this situation, may help as a silver bullet defense. You don’t have to have her served. Above all, check your state is one party consent and record, and be calm as a Jedi zen master. Hope she finds an AP or throws something at you one night.

Title	Wtf is this even?
Author	depressed_divorce
Upvotes	36
Comments	63
Date	August 28, 2025 3:58 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1n2g5uy/wtf_is_this_even/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wtf-is-this-even.1560770 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560770

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