Separated for a year but still struggling

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2025-01-29T17:51:58+00:00

Sounds like you've lost yourself. You forgot who you are and who you are supposed to be. We travel this life of ours alone. And it goes on with or without us. You have to make the decision on the impact you leave behind.

krazykanuck · 2025-01-27T15:10:00+00:00

To each their own, but i didn’t start dating again until i was content by myself. I spent a lot of time working on my shit (still am) and one day found i was actually happy solo. Like, i could see just being single for life.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-27T14:29:41+00:00

You lose your sense of self when you get married and put your wife first. It will take a good few years to find who you are again, find out what you enjoy, and feel comfortable in your own skin. Dating will slow it down as the external validation from females will stop you from progressing as a man (throws you back to when you put your wife first and undoes a lot of work you have done on yourself).

My advice either make a clean break and embrace this season of singleness or just commit long term to a woman right now and go back to who you were when you were married. If you keep going back and forth you just spin your wheels with no benefit.

jimmy5007 · 2025-01-27T12:37:12+00:00

Life has beat you up a little bit, but it should pass

dnbndnb · 2025-01-27T12:22:03+00:00

This man has the answers you are looking for. I suggest you watch several of his videos.

https://youtube.com/@john-griffin?si=yBUS7DMuV2ADQjXu

Keep in mind, for every man who thinks he’s found an incredible woman, there’s at least one other guy out there who’s totally done with her bullshit.

You’re not really missing her, you’re missing your idealized version of what you believed she was.

One time, probably my best and most honest friend, a man who never really knew my ex- and had only met her 1-2x times, looked at me and said “she’s not as pretty as you think she is”. Deep down inside I knew that, but it took him to really get me to look at her more objectively. To look at her not as the beautiful wife I loved, but the flawed individual she had always been. You’ll get there.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2025-01-27T10:47:27+00:00

Really. It’s mindset.

Like the others said, make sure you are doing stuff for yourself. Love to workout here too. And I spend a lot of time walking my dog which forces me to get outside. If I could add one more suggestion, think of a meal you really like and cook it for yourself. Or try a new recipe. I’ve been doing a lot of Asian cooking myself.

Just yesterday, I had two dates in about 30 hours. Didn’t sleep with either of them. Just enjoyed my time, and the conversation. One was dinner and live music, the other was walking and beer.

Both have a lot of good qualities. I’m not ruling one or the other out, it’s way too early. And I’m not going to commit easily either, at least at the sake of forgoing my purpose in life.

We all have a down day. That will happen. Honestly I try to listen to sad music. At some point I don’t feel sad any longer and am ready to start forward again.

Ark161 · 2025-01-27T05:40:33+00:00

Separated for about a year now, and frankly I don’t even know where I would start with dating. The trauma is still there, and being okay with your own company can be, difficult. I’m still working on it, as being okay with my own company is my prerequisite to even consider dating again. It is no where near as bad as it used to be, sometimes I just get super stir crazy and go for walk or drive. Other times I will draw, or work on music, or workout. That is the plus to all of this, it is 100% us who determines what we do anymore. Yeah it sucks to not have our person, it just takes time to get back to where we are okay being alone with ourselves.

Arislan · 2025-01-27T04:44:45+00:00

Yeah totally. My situation mirrors yours, timeline, cash etc. I think it’s naturally a grieving thing. Like a death. It hangs with you for a while. If I’m busy I don’t notice the melancholy, but the days by myself it’s always lingering. I say fuck off to it, actually out loud. Then I crank some music and literally tune it out. Gym, walks, phone calls help quiet it too.

Title	Separated for a year but still struggling
Author	jdubby619
Upvotes	23
Comments	11
Date	January 27, 2025 4:23 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iazpsh/separated_for_a_year_but_still_struggling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/separated-for-a-year-but-still-struggling.1542261 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542261

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