Post divorce relationships

BatGuano52 · 2025-12-26T16:39:38+00:00

I'm a year and a half out from separation, I started looking to date casually four months after separation with no intent to get in serious relationship.

As some other guys have mentioned, I needed to just get my social skills back.

I live in an isolated area with a small city nearby and wasn't really looking to date locally, but it also made getting dates on the apps difficult because most women want to date local to them.

I went on two dates with women I met on apps, matched with a bunch of others on the apps but never made it to dates, met a couple of women through Reddit as friends.

Then in October I saw a woman at a camping event with my son, I got the balls up to go and introduce myself, she called back and we've together for over two months.

Similar to what a couple of other guys said, my big advice would be figuring out what you want in a woman and relationship, what your boundaries are and get comfortable enforcing them, and find your peace.

Don't just make a list of all the stuff you didn't like about your ex, decide what you actually want, then look for those things in a woman.

Realize that there are some things that you want but can't articulate now but will recognize when you see them.

As an example, my ex never told I'm great in the 27 years I was with her.

A month after we met, my girlfriend sent me a text out of the blue to tell me I'm great, and she's done that a couple more times since then.

That's something I never experienced before, but now that I have, it's on my list of must-haves... Not necessarily saying "You're great", but showing appreciation and gratitude for me as a person.

Don't look for perfect or a woman who's flawless, you'll never find it. Find a woman who is perfect for you.

If you're not quite sure yet and want things to look for: Self awareness, admits to her faults and short comings and owns her part in them, takes responsibility for what she says and does, independence, kindness, humility, empathy.

In my opinion, those are the all-or-nones, i.e., if she doesn't have all of them, then don't even waste your time.

If she does, then everything else is stuff that you need to decide whether you can live with or not.

The woman I met is checking all the boxes for me.

But, you also need to keep in mind that any woman you meet will have her past and shit she has to deal with from it.

You're never going to find a woman with no baggage.

If she has a shit bag ex, she's going to have some damage and baggage from it.

If her dad or mom or both were assholes, she going to have baggage from that.

You need to decide how much baggage you can tolerate.

But, if she has all those traits I listed above, she's going to know about her baggage, she's going to take responsibility for it and she's going to work to be better.

If she sees you as her guy, she's going to work to be better for you (and you should be the same with her) and she's going to make time for you.

That will give you a foundation to work from and that's all you can realistically expect and ask for.

This was probably more than you were looking for, but I just wandered down the rabbit hole, hope it's helpful.

Good luck.

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2025-12-25T09:35:50+00:00

Ah mine is simple. Found and married the love of my life less than a year after divorce. God works in crazy ways.

Kind-Number-419 · 2025-12-25T07:18:35+00:00

Divorced two years. Myself confidence was destroyed in by divorce. Too afraid to ask girls out.

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-12-24T15:33:22+00:00

I’ve been separated for 3 years and divorced 1. No desire to get into another relationship. I can do without the sex if it means less drama. I focus on my kids and my business. Best part is… I do what I want, when I want. Plus, I just love the freeing aspect of never having to worry about someone else’s feelings other than my kids.

midlife-madness · 2025-12-24T12:41:30+00:00

I’m 9 months separated. But we’ve been done for about 18 months. Still not final. I met girls on dating apps just to get te trained in talking to new girls. It’s been a while. 17 year marriage. I went out on some dates. Got laid a bunch. Then got dumped. I was basically used for sex. Which actually kinda sucked to be honest. I then realized that I wasn’t looking for a new partner, I just really wanted friendship and to build community. I’d rather have that than these crash and burn flings. As soon as that happened, a girl that I was just friends with, who knew all of my shit, wanted more. I was sexually lonely so we hooked up, and then I started falling for her. And I chose to be vulnerable and told her how I felt. She felt the same way. So weee about 3 months in on the romance. It’s really nice. And it’s escalating in depth vs and intimacy. It’s really beautiful.

I’m hoping it lasts, but I also have the tools to be alone so I have this sense, I’ll be ok no matter what. I feel that my anxious attachment style has slid into secure attachment. I’ve been doing a shit ton of therapy too. Exercise, eating right, church, volunteering. Looking at myself in the mirror every morning and telling myself that I’m a hot badass. I’m trying to do all of the good things for myself and I feel SO much better now than I did 18 months ago. Even felt this before the new girl.

LifeBeatsHard · 2025-12-24T00:51:02+00:00

I wish you guys (who are in a post-divorce relationship) could sell courses on how to get to that. You guys rock so much!

I was really bad with girls (specially the 1st contact/approach) before my marriage. Then even after 10 years (when I was living solely for my wife expecting to be a forever relationship), I still noticed never changed and I am still the same insecure and shy guy, but older now :(

Whenever I have to discuss with someone (friends, therapists), I always make it clear I would rather fight for my marriage and do whatever it takes to keep my wife than going back to the market and get all this stress of first impressions and walking on eggs. However, that's life and now I am back to a spot where I don't know how to manage and still want to be with someone.

jimsmythee · 2025-12-23T21:00:45+00:00

I went out on a lot of dates after my split.

Lots of new relationship energy: but lot of breakups.

Between the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads, and the princesses? Not a lot out there. So much dysfunction.

Then weed out the churchees. Weed out the “rescue me from my own poor choices” types. Weed out the “emotional baggage ones.” Weed out the “not over their ex” types.

Then the “friend zone” types that just need a free therapist or an emotional garbage can.

What else? Oh yeah: the “no time at all whatsoever” types. Work full time and Go to school full time and Raising kids. Just need to go out on a date here and there to tell their family and friends they’re dating to get off their back.

CrazySmooth · 2025-12-23T19:47:05+00:00

Is anyone still considering marriage?

Wtf

nomohydro · 2025-12-23T15:09:38+00:00

I'm newly divorced so my heart isn't ready and I'm not the type to bang other woman to get over a woman. Did that in college, made it so much worse for me because I felt badly about taking advantage of women. Now I just chill and lean on my friends and watch videos on healing after divorce.

FirelineJake · 2025-12-23T11:59:12+00:00

First year was chaos, rebounds, big feelings, lots of what am I doing. By year two things slowed down, boundaries got better, and dating felt intentional instead of desperate.

RousesRai · 2025-12-23T11:58:58+00:00

My post-separation experience (we continued living together because of the children) taught me that the hardest part isn't finding someone, but learning to socialize again. Being an introvert by nature, I feel like I've "unlearned" the art of casual conversation. But the big lesson I take away is this: I'm not looking for a new love or fleeting flings. What I'm looking for is peace.

At this stage, my focus is on finding people with similar tastes, expanding my social circle, and participating in activities that make me feel good. If in the end there's a sincere hug of friendship, that's already a victory.

The end of the marriage gave me the freedom to choose who I want around me, without rushing. I'm looking for companionship, not necessarily a new family structure. Deep down, I think we all seek the same thing, to be heard and accepted, without games.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-12-23T11:45:31+00:00

6 months into separation and with her moving out I dipped into online dating. Had a lot of success and fun. Been with one girl since late summer and it's really nice. We both have our own shit and enjoy each other's company.

We both have zero desire to marry again or share a residence.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2025-12-23T11:41:31+00:00

Im quite surprised at how its going and its not even finalized yet. I was talking to someone I work with and while I was in her office, she noticed I took my ring off. She asked if i needed to talk. I just kinda started pouring out all my frustration ending it all with... I just am afraid I dont know how to be alone.

She then said, "maybe you don't have to..." then she proceeds to tell me how she has always been into me but kept her distance because I was married. So we have been talking more. Hanging out outside of work.

The other day I said that once all of this is finalized, im going to go into the city, do something fun, get a hotel for the night and just relax. She said, sounds fun... let me know if you need company for that hotel stay...

I am floored. The two main things that I have been begging to have in my marriage was someone I could talk to and confide in and intimacy that didnt just feel routine. So, yeah, I am just as surprised as most people. I figured the smell of being divorced would repell most women.

Gattsama · 2025-12-23T11:31:39+00:00

The biggest and most important thing you can do is to step way back and to think about exactly what you want in a relationship, what your boundaries are, and then you move into the marketplace to vet for that. If she doesn't meet these requirements then you recognize that. It's a good thing and then you move on immediately.

If you go into the marketplace with a lack mindset, unclear boundaries, or just what's more common, you simply take what you can. Get; you're most likely to have negative and bad outcomes.

It's largely a numbers game. You have to dig through a lot of shit to find the rocks, a lot of rocks to find the gems, and a lot of gems to find the diamonds. Knowing what you want, setting strong boundaries, and vetting for that; makes that process go by faster.

Think of it this way. You want milk, so you get in your car and you start driving. East. Odds are high that you will eventually drive by a place that has milk. Let's say instead you get in the car, but in the passenger seat. You then put a brick over the gas pedal and the car takes off. You might eventually have your car drive you into a store that just happens to sell milk. But the odds are not in your favor :)

That's how most people date. They really don't date with intention, they date with a list of wants and hopes. And because they come from a lack mentality, they simply take whatever they can get. This girl was interested in me, therefore I will tolerate whatever crazy she brings because she's the only one that I think is going to be interested in me. I'm not really feeling this girl and I would like to move on to somebody different, but I'm scared of being alone and worried about what else is out there. I guess I'll just deal with the crazy she happens to bring. Etc etc

soparent · 2025-12-23T06:50:54+00:00

still in the phase where I can't even imagine being with another woman.

Own_Maybe9468 · 2025-12-23T06:06:41+00:00

Found a good one, very womanly women. We never quarrel while we are together. She is soft. petite, and always appreciative. Sadly, we are different and I am over the age of being together with other people because they are nice.

jalopkoala · 2025-12-23T05:09:36+00:00

Helps to know what kind of relationship you are looking for.

Do you have kids? Do you want more kids? Do you want these women to eventually be a part of your child(ren)s life?

I’m 8 years on. I’ve had nothing but interesting adventures. I’m poly in NYC and presently have a woman I’ve been seeing for three years and one I’ve been seeing for 18 months. Still friends (and even double date) with a woman I dated for five years.

Both of my current partners have met and hang out with my kid but neither are looking to be a stepmom (nor are my kid and I looking for that).

Be picky. Be honest. Be open. Have fun. The fun comes first. Then the trust. Then the intimacy.

LifeBeatsHard · 2025-12-23T04:24:36+00:00

Let me add an additional questions in there. Was it easy to get to those relantionships? Do age and maturity help?
Was there any stigma for the women about you being divorced that set them apart?

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-12-23T04:17:27+00:00

Take it easy before committing. Given enough time all the crazy will eventually show.
Don't take dating apps too seriously, just have responsible fun.

curtdogg47 · 2025-12-23T03:59:20+00:00

First relationship I found a bit of a crazy woman, sex was amazing though and she was fun! She just was very manipulative!

Second: was an amazing 3.5 year relationship that was everything I knew wanted, also taught me about a few things I didn’t realize were important to me in a relationship that weren’t present in a relationship with this woman.

Then I just dated around casually for a bit.

And now I’m in a new relationship for the last 3 months, and this one feels like I have all pieces I want to have in relationships. I’m excited to see how it continues to develop and grow!

Title	Post divorce relationships
Author	jdubby619
Upvotes	15
Comments	45
Date	December 23, 2025 3:48 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ptjw5d/post_divorce_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/post-divorce-relationships.1569488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569488

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