settling even with a strong case

jimsmythee · 2022-05-01T20:43:32+00:00

I was in the same shoes 6 years ago. I was the working spouse, she was the SAHM (with pill popping problems) and 2 young kids.

For me, I looked at this as a whole Money situation. Luckily, my lawyer was honest with me. He said, "if you can go in and settle everything through mediation? You'll look at spending $2k for everything. If you need this to go to trial? Expect $5k minimum for everything."

And knew I had a good chance winning at trial for the $0 alimony, and the 50/50 custody. So at mediation, I was ready to offer her some alimony, because it would be less than the cost of going to trial. But nope. She wanted everything. Every last dime I had; Past, present, and future. What she wanted, would have left me destitute, working 3 jobs to support her, and only seeing my kids 3 times a year.

So we went to trial. Best $5500 I ever spent! The judge, in her ruling, got the $0 alimony, 50/50 custody and I kept my house and my car. The only thing she got was half of my 401k.

Dunklerverfaast · 2022-05-01T16:38:25+00:00

Hey, side question.... My ex has suspected bpd and (without proof) engages in child harm and neglect.

How did then forensic eval figured it out in your case?

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2022-05-01T16:16:26+00:00

Young kids … tough row to hoe.

The forensic report could probably weigh in as leverage for you to get the most out of your separation agreement. However, 50/50 should be contingent on the STBX keeping her end of the deal, so whatever that means you have to keep her to the letter of it.

50/50 is the second best outcome for children (next only to a stable intact home) unless the neglect is pervasive. It gives you a chance to decompress and do errands and other adulting crap when she has the kids, making it easier to be on-point when you have them. Assuming the status quo is stable enough, the kids will be fine.

At some point, they may want to just live with you full time. But they will need to make that decision on their own accord. You just have to have the best environment for them.

Gxl4 · 2022-05-01T17:58:51+00:00

>My attorney thinks status quo will outweigh forensic's reporting anyway.

WTF.

Anyway, leave no stone unturned. this ain't no joke damn. i feel for you and your kids. all the best. keep us updated.

Spodee5 · 2022-05-02T05:29:23+00:00

So would trial cost or save you money and I mean do the math. If trial would save you alimony calculate that cost over time. If it would save you child support calculate that cost over the number of years until your child is 18. Would trial result in you having more parenting time? To me it’s just a cost analysis and time with kids. Time with kids far outweighing any costs.

CONative719 · 2022-05-02T13:42:18+00:00

The thing is at some point you have to draw a line in the sand- do you think she is an unfit parent? If so, why on earth would you agree to/be okay with a 50/50 split in parenting time up to this point? Either you’re concerned about your kids’ safety with her or you’re not- either you want to fight for full custody or you don’t. If all you want out of this at the end of the day is to continue sharing the load and coparenting with her I don’t see why you wouldn’t just attempt to reach a settlement with her. You can certainly take it to trial but if you present the court with a psych report recommending sole custody and you still only ask for 50/50, that’s only going to reflect poorly on you in the end.

WartimeDad · 2022-05-01T17:01:17+00:00

I personally think avoiding a trial is best for the long term coparenting relationship. If you can avoid it, don’t go to trial.

geology_socks · 2022-05-01T17:34:34+00:00

How much did that cost? I would say always settle with 50/50 being the line in the sand. It’s your choice to make at the end of the day and you have to weigh what you think is best.

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-02T02:28:23+00:00

Leverage the shit out of the report, act like you're going to trial - then settle. The marginal return on trial is usually negative against a negotiated settlement when you factor in legal fees. But don't drop the trial threat until the end.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-02T09:12:43+00:00

> My attorney thinks status quo will outweigh forensic's reporting anyway

Status quo is the greatest bias of the court.

Title	settling even with a strong case
Author	Medium_Scarcity_7819
Upvotes	14
Comments	26
Date	May 1, 2022 3:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ug2pgo/settling_even_with_a_strong_case/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/settling-even-with-a-strong-case.1113600 https://theredarchive.com/post/1113600

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