Should I file first?

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2025-10-28T14:57:07+00:00

The one upside to filing first in many jurisdictions is that any BS Order of Protection she files will be heard by your actual judge, rather than whatever JP or low level judge is on duty when she walks in. They'll still consider it, but they're better educated on the lies women tell to game divorces. Talk to your attorney.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-10-27T14:07:31+00:00

I filed first.

If nothing else, seeing my name as the petitioner makes me feel better.

But me taking the initiative knocked her back on her heels, her contempt for me was so complete, she didn't think I would do it.

She's been playing catch up ever since I flipped the script.

Hiding_From_Ex_Wife · 2025-10-25T17:50:08+00:00

I’m going through it right now and I told her I wanted a divorce, then she filed. I will say it’s nice to see their complaints in the petition first and be able to respond to them. With that said, my wife’s complaints are very shallow and not really provable or valuable…at least I think. But whatever gets written down in her complaint/petition, or motions for Temporary orders, or anything, you get to respond too and vice versa. I imagine that the petitioning side gets to respond to my responses too. But I don’t know. Not there yet.

Factastical · 2025-10-25T12:01:21+00:00

Filing first is not at all strategic. It's only good for your sense of self worth. It may however trigger her nasty side. If you believe her to be a liar and to employ the silver bullet, you need to go no contact. If your kids are too young to go no contact, then you need to play pretend. Pretend you still admire her. Pretend you care for her. Pretending you regret. Until the kids are old enough. Once they are old enough (usually near 10) then do as you please. Your lawyer should never tell you stuff like "don't negotiate with your wife". While it's prudent advice for some men, it is a boiler plate way to escalate litigation expenses. The phrase "in the best interest of the kids" is also a lie. The court don't care about the kids. Most of their imposing mandates are nite designed for the kids. They are designed to keep the court in control and in business. Kids are just the means to make money.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-10-25T09:02:22+00:00

If you’re worried she will go dirty or silver bullet, filling first offers very limited protection. You can argue that any accusations are retaliatory and came only because she found out you filed. It won’t save you if you aren’t mother Theresa in her presence.

Your best defense is offense. If she lays a hand on you, threatens you, gets in your face. Police report, make a bruise, trip to the ER, and it doesn’t hurt if you record it or your buddy saw everything and really thought she was going to kill you. If she’s been violent ever in the past, ask for a PO when she gets served. History of self harm or drug use, work those concerns into your filing. Or, tell yourself she would never do the same to you, FAFO.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-10-25T04:26:24+00:00

Trust your gut!

bk2747 · 2025-10-25T04:23:35+00:00

Filing as the plaintiff saved my life. I also wish you had a male attorney but if this one checks out, I guess.

Chill out with the paranoia, you need to keep your emotions squared away so if she does play dirty, you react with logic instead of emotion. Reach out to some men you trust in person and get whatever you need to get off your chest. Dad, brothers, etc…

And you don’t have to get “hosed” financially. That’s why you fight tooth and nail for EVERYTHING. She’s not your friend, she’s not your girlfriend, she’s technically not even your wife anymore. Once yall say the D word, that’s it. I would stop Co-sleeping and avoid physical touch. I’m sure you’ve stopped already but absolutely no sex.

Focus on your kids, spend time with your kids, pour into them. But get the ball rolling with the divorce. Do not move out of your own home.

The last question about the protection order is for your attorney. But a restraining order without reason besides to play dirty in a divorce can be used against whoever’s doing it. Again, questions for your attorney.

Title	Should I file first?
Author	StinkyButt_McStinkin
Upvotes	10
Comments	8
Date	October 25, 2025 4:11 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ofi65n/should_i_file_first/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/should-i-file-first.1564941 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564941

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