Single Dad and dating (questions)

4st4rt3s-c4ptn · 2024-12-10T22:36:14+00:00

I started passively dating around 5 months after the divorce was made known. It was… difficult at first, but got easier.

One thing I did was to be very frank with my dating profiles and my situation with any match I got. I made it known I had a kid and I told matches that i was in the mid to late stage of the divorce process. This turned about 60% of matches off. But I accepted that and kept trucking.

I met someone I really liked while I was still living in the marital home. Went well for a while but I had to cut it off due to mental stress. Once I moved out a few months later, I reached out to her. I was lucky - she was still willing to date. lol

AvacodoCartwheeler · 2024-12-10T21:10:41+00:00

My biggest advice is to start washing her out of your normal conversation. Don't say "we.... xyz" say "I... xyz." It will be easy to talk about your divorce, and she'll listen and even offer advice, but you friend-zoned yourself instantly. Likewise, don't ask questions about their divorces, a few sentences is fine if it fits into the flow, otherwise just steer clear.

Focus on deciding if you actually even like her. That sounds like laughable advice, but you are probably going to seek approval in women to feel like you aren't "broken." In that same breath of advice, consider instantly ending things with the first girl you sleep with. Why?! Because you are a soft trained houseman who is going to get run over and used for parts. You need to find your man roots again to survive, because girls (and I'm sure us guys too lol) be crazy.

In all seriousness though, Tinder is a shitshow, Bumble is actually ok, and FB Dating is actually pretty good (at least in my area). Tinder will get you laid if you are a decent looking guy. I don't think I'm 'special,' and I got plenty of action - way more than the r/tinder would lead you to think as a man. Just like, don't send dick pics and instantly turn the conversation sexual. She wants to bang you, but come on man. The rest for whatever reason always had better conversations, so there you go.

Edit to add: I include at the bottom of dating profiles that I have 50/50 of my two boys, who are 5 and 7, every other week.

Unusual_University14 · 2024-12-10T19:03:27+00:00

I was open that I had kids, what status my divorce was it, and when I was free and not free. I actually had a pretty ok time with dating. No true nutballs but I simply just noped out early on and they were easy to spot. I approached it as mostly a social outlet. I had to rebuild a social network and had kidfree time to go do things... worst case, I got out of the house and had dinner or saw a movie.

Ended up marrying a wonderful woman I met from FB Dating (tinder felt like I'd wake up without a kidney so noped out fast).

jimsmythee · 2024-12-10T15:24:48+00:00

I was a 42 year old guy, with 2 young daughters and I had them 50% of the time as per the divorce. I had the very toxic pill popping exwife. But I needed the female touch, so I installed all of the dating apps and went from there.

I had to be upfront about a few things. My kids come first. I have my nights with the kids, she has her nights with the kids. That was surprisingly the easy part.

The difficult part? It was wading through the prospective dating partners. Between the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses, that didn't leave a lot. Then you had the rescue-me girls, the ones with a whole load of financial problems.

Then you had the church types, whose goal is not for dating, but to bring new people to her church.

Then you had the emotional baggage ones. "I'm not over my ex-H. I need an emotional garbage can to throw up all of my negative feelings into. Will you be my emotional garbage can?"

NewDay0110 · 2024-12-10T13:55:22+00:00

Dating is a wasteland of time in 2024.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2024-12-10T11:51:45+00:00

Sit it out for a year and work on yourself and be available to your daughter. Her life as a girl isn’t going to get easier with you less present in her life.

Camping_Dad_RC · 2024-12-10T05:21:55+00:00

Honestly bro. I think your biggest hurdle is going to be explaining that you cheated on your wife with a 1 year old child at home. It’s not going to be easy to find the kind of woman you would want around for a kids entire childhood.

Expatriated_American · 2024-12-10T04:56:28+00:00

Raise your expectations reeeeal high, and date at least 30 before choosing.

Ok_Dare_8823 · 2024-12-10T04:23:52+00:00

Just hang in there, im in a similar situation. Focus on gaining hapiness hormones. For me it was sports, started dancing and playing with animals.

0neMinute · 2024-12-10T04:17:01+00:00

Don’t fall for the first girl you date, chances are she will end up similar to your ex even if it didn’t feel that way at first.

Title	Single Dad and dating (questions)
Author	Good_Necessary_6937
Upvotes	5
Comments	16
Date	December 10, 2024 3:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hat1t3/single_dad_and_dating_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/single-dad-and-dating-questions.1538083 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538083

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