Too Soon to Start Dating?

To_Shrug · 2023-10-17T20:49:19+00:00

We have all been warned, rightly, to avoid dating and to get our life re-centered around us. I think this makes a lot of sense for many. But, I don't think its a 100% blanket rule for all. And, 1 year is really an arbitrary time period anyway. You might be a man that doesn't desire to be isolated and confined to self improvement.

You have been in limbo for 34 months! You should be pretty well adjusted by now.
1 year is probably a good rule of thumb for many. But its not for all. If you don't think its for you, then give dating a try. But date with the intent of meeting ladies and developing a real personal connection. If there is sexual tension, great... but keep it PG-13 (if you aren't ready). Sex is what makes things complicated and encourages bad decisions to be made.

cousinmarygross · 2023-10-17T21:02:39+00:00

My therapist once told me, "Sometimes, you just need to fuck,"

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-10-17T19:30:24+00:00

Personally I think the sticky is a good rule, but like most good/succinct rules, it requires some thinking to see how it applies to anyone's specific situation.

Waiting for the divorce to be final is a good starting point for people who were hurt a lot throughout the separation. It's more about when the trauma of the divorce cools down rather than the need for a government documents.

So that's what I would ask yourself. How healed up do you feel about this whole thing? Because finding out about the affair and the corresponding lies could have opened a wound that you might want to tend to first.

chestpubesandballfro · 2023-10-18T04:19:20+00:00

I opted to not to date for 365 days, after the divorce. We were separated for year. 2 years in total. I needed the time to heal.

In that time I lost 40 lbs, changed my outward appearance, while doubling down on finding my spiritual side. Aka I got better at MY life.

When I started dating again the first 11 months were dogshit. Either super awkward date and no sex or just awkward random sex.

Did not realize that dating takes practice.

What i learned in that time was this; 20 year olds are fucking hot but those narcissists just want to talk tictak posts all night. 30 year olds bitch about everything being fucked or how to workout more gooder. 40 year olds just know what they want, and that is want i want too.

When i found the woman I am with now was by total accident. She sold me a house, then 9 months later moved into it.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-10-18T07:24:39+00:00

Omg she cheated when you separated!?? No one here is even remotely surprised.

organicwilly · 2023-10-18T00:11:03+00:00

I'm not even divorced and my wife is dating. I checked out the online scene and didn't like it so I'm actively not looking for anyone. Just trying to focus on myself and situation.

Do you feel like you've worked on yourself so that you can be a strong person in a new relationship?

SecretAltruistic6878 · 2023-10-18T00:41:51+00:00

You didn’t ask. But read dating essentials for men. Promise you it works

TreetopTarantula · 2023-10-18T09:28:41+00:00

I date periodically. But, I do so with the intent for casual relationships. Make them pay their way. Don't promise too much.

Title	Too Soon to Start Dating?
Author	anon97t01
Upvotes	3
Comments	18
Date	October 17, 2023 6:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17a5jts/too_soon_to_start_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/too-soon-to-start-dating.1235465 https://theredarchive.com/post/1235465

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