A week and a half ago my wife decided she was ending our marriage. Things haven't been easy for a while but I genuinely thought it was a rough patch we would come out of eventually. We had a nice "last day" together before she moved out to stay with friends. I spent a week on the couch distraught. Me expressing anger about the image she is putting out on social media as if she isn't bothered led to an agreement of no contact just before the weekend.

She has been adamant there is no changing her mind throughout all of this, she can't forgive me for past sins, she needs to find out if she'll be happier on her own etc. We have been here before, tried counseling and all the rest of it. This seemed like it was really it until today. I moved out of our flat, that got me off the couch, I have day by day been rebuilding my routine again. Over the weekend I have slowly been starting to get my head around to the fact its over. Concentrating on how I need to rebuild myself, thinking of the future life I might have, trying to see the positives, all the usual stuff.

Something triggered a tearful conversation with her on the phone last night. She has clearly been struggling with no contact, with not being chased. She said some things that made it sound like there might still be a chance, I was elated going to sleep last night. We met today, she gave me even more overtures that she is considering reconciliation. There was hugging and kissing. I asked her if this is just bread crumbing, does she just want to feel that I am still available. She claims she doesn't think so, that she is genuinely not sure if she's doing the right thing and has had conversations with friends to this effect.

I couldn't in my wildest hopes have thought this is where I would be last week. It feels like someone has let light into a dark room where it seemed impossible that could happen. Why then tonight do I just feel incredibly angry? My whole life has been uprooted because of this. I am living between two houses trying to rebuild some semblance of routine again and this has just thrown me into a tail spin. I just feel like my head is being completely fucked with and I am going to have my heart broken twice.