What do I do

Responsible-Garlic26 · 2026-05-24T20:34:12+00:00

Read my friend.

what you're describing isnt paranoia. its a pattern. daily communication, hidden notifications, defensive reactions when you brought it up - thats not "being there for her." thats emotional intimacy. whether its physical or not is almost beside the point. the trust between you and CR is over either way, and he made his choice the moment he started hiding texts from his best friend. you didnt lose him - he left. theres a difference.

few things from someone whos a couple years out:

stop trying to gather more evidence by confronting them. it makes you look paranoid even when youre right, and the only thing it accomplishes is letting them refine their cover. instead just start documenting quietly - dates, screenshots if you happen to see them. your lawyer might want it, you might not. but at least youll have it instead of arguing in the moment.

stop auditioning to be CRs friend. you asked him for one thing and he refused. accept what that tells you and stop hoping hell come around. when youre ready to grieve the brother you lost, do it. but stop treating the friendship like its salvageable. its not.

now the harder thing because you said you wanted to hear it - the drinking is going to f you up. divorce + sleep deprivation + rage + alcohol is the exact cocktail that ends a lot of mens lives and careers. im not lecturing you, im telling you what ive watched happen to guys in similar spots. drinking wont numb this. itll amplify the rage, slow your recovery, mess with your judgment around your kids, and add a problem on top of the one you already have. get out in front of it now while its still a choice.

the gym - get back. dont try to go beast mode. just walk. 20 minutes. if all you can do is sit in the parking lot the first day, sit in the parking lot. physical movement is the single most evidence based thing for male mental health in a crisis like this. you already proved to yourself it works for a month. dont let pain take the one thing thats actually helping.

one more thing - you said you lost the love of your life and someone you thought was your brother. thats not one grief, thats two stacked on top of each other. most divorce advice misses that. the betrayal piece needs its own processing, separate from the marriage ending. find a therapist who specializes in male divorce - different work than couples therapy. dont wait until things are worse.

your kids are watching how you handle this. not the version they see on facetime. the version they meet again at 18, 25, 40. show them what a man does when life breaks him. not a perfect version. an honest one.

youre gonna make it. but the first move is putting down the drink and picking up the phone to find a therapist. in that order. today if you can.

NaturalTemporary2355 · 2026-05-18T14:21:12+00:00

He told you what was up when he said that he could be there for her. How many of your friends' wives do you let cry on your shoulder? CR was waving the red flag RIGHT IN YOUR FACE.

Grafixx5 · 2026-05-16T12:57:49+00:00

Dude,

As others have said, stop with the alcohol. It’s going to lead to nothing good and she will probably use it against you in the divorce with the kids.

Second, try to cut back the hours at work to like 40-45. This will allow for less time at work, more time for you and with your kids.

Third, you can do what else others have said and you’ll find it’s the same rinse and repeat for every guy that posts on here. Ultimately YOU decide what’s best for you.

Fourth, TBH, cut the sling load from your supposedly best/long time friend. Seems more like they were or are doing things behind your back. I can tell you that if any of my guy friends said to me what this guy did to you during my divorce, I would drop them like a bad habit, regardless of how long the friendship had been.

Tvelt17 · 2026-05-15T16:28:54+00:00

Cut the booze - its a downer and its only going to drag you down. I love a drink, but I took about 4 or so months off just to get my head right.

Journal, Exercise, and therapy. I know it sounds cliche', but it really works. Casual dating when you're ready also can be really good for recovery.

TheSteveSteward · 2026-05-15T15:38:50+00:00

It's so painful, man. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm here to support you, DM if you're interested in that

Minimum_Step5048 · 2026-05-15T15:18:18+00:00

Stay away from the booze

ConfidentHyena2662 · 2026-05-15T13:12:31+00:00

Journal, exercise, therapy, eat, sleep, repeat. Cut the booze. It’s sucks but that stuff helps 0% in this matter. You need to lock in for the remainder.

The hardest thing you can do is separate your feelings from this process. You have to detach. She is going to see and sleep with other men who are not you. That CR guy isn’t your friend. If he was he couldn’t be talking to your wife and would be supporting you instead of internet strangers. What scum of the earth type dudes active pursue divorcing women. What kind of desperate low life considers that a healthy relationship to get into. End the friendship in dramatic fashion and out him. Make him out to be the real piece of shit that he is. It’s hard, I had a do a lot of the same things. I learned most of my “friends” wanted to fuck my wife after we separated. Probably some of them were successful. It’s not my problem because she ISN’T MY WIFE. And they aren’t my friends.

OP do you still wear your wedding band? If no, do your best to stop giving so much energy to something you have no control over. Focus your energy into you. What makes you happy, and what can you do to carve out a nice life for yourself. Remember who you were before you were married. You are still that guy. You just need to coach him up. Get back in the game brother.

UrAristotle · 2026-05-15T11:59:32+00:00

First, this guy isn’t your friend. Cut him out of your life. Sure it’s hard, but do it. At the very least your STBX is having an emotional affair with him and he is facilitating it. He crossed boundaries a long time ago.

Second, you’re going to have to man up about a lot of things. You’re going to lose a ton of people, some of whom you thought you could rely on. The only person you can rely on is yourself. There are going to be rough times, but this sub is full of men who have worked through it.

Finally, build some routines to keep yourself busy. Exercise. Find or restart hobbies. Do things that will help you engage when you are alone and keep those wandering thoughts from happening.

InvertedPickleTaco · 2026-05-15T08:17:36+00:00

People look for comfort in strange ways. My ex was telling me I had a chance if we stayed friends while she was setting up a Tinder profile looking for "short term fun." It could be they have the need for the ego boost, the need for revenge, or the need for comfort with a new lover. Probably a bit of all three.

rowman_nahledge · 2026-05-15T07:11:35+00:00

Brother, man im sorry but they are knocking boots. Thats terrible, id beat the pos to death but hey look ur not alone. Dont drink and get black out drunk, when i went thru it id just have a bit to take the edge off. Then i cut out the booze. Gotta go thru the pain, it’s either gonna hurt now or later but its still gonna hurt. Hang in there man it gets better. Im 6 months in still living with my pos stbxw and i feel pretty damn good. You will be ok brother

serkovavantgarden · 2026-05-15T06:36:54+00:00

Who needs enemies with friends like that

They’re having sex and having a laugh at you behind your back mate

Keep that in mind when you’re figuring out how to approach this

Lay off the booze as well

This approach needs a cool, clear head.

Save the drinking for when this shit is over

Motor-Hat-3061 · 2026-05-15T19:02:13+00:00

Just start a new life and fuck all those idiots. The future can be whatever you want.

Title	What do I do
Author	genstryker1
Upvotes	6
Comments	17
Date	May 15, 2026 2:39 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tdjasn/what_do_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-do-i-do.1580451 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580451

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