What first steps to take

AirSailer · 2022-08-03T03:24:18+00:00

Remove her as an authorized user on any credit cards that are in your name. Lock those cards if possible.
Remove yourself as an authorized user on any cards in her name.
Open your own bank account, preferably at a different bank, change your direct deposit to go into the new account.
Transfer half of all your joint cash into your new bank account.
Open a safe deposit box, grab all your personal valuables, memory items, hard drives, tax documents, account numbers, bank statements, and put into the Box.
Change all your bank, email, windows, phone, credit card, and brokerage account passwords.
Get a PO Box, start having all legal correspondence and banking statements go to that box.
Install a recording app on your phone, have it run 24x7 and save all recordings to the cloud.

Do Not: 1. Move out 2. Cash out your 401k and give her any of it. 3. Do not agree to anything unless it is written down and signed, and DO NOT SiGN anything that hasn't been reviewed by your lawyer.

She's trying to fleece you with that 401k move. If you cash out half, give it to her, she spends it or gives it away, the judge will later split the remaining funds in the 401k between the two of you, she ends up with 75% while you're left with 25%.

playerknowmore · 2022-08-03T04:25:23+00:00

She has probably planning this for a year. When she first says she wants a separation or divorce; go get legal advice. Your lawyer can tell if she has a lawyer. Waiting can get you taken to the cleaners.

My wife asked for a separation. By the end of the month I handed her my first settlement offer. We made the same money so she was not offered spousal support. She thought she was entitled to half my disability payments from the VA. She miscalculated.

When she realized how little she would be getting from me she changed her tune. She has been managing our money for the whole marriage I bring home more than seven grand, and only take six hundred a month for myself. I was also adamant we sold the house. It was paid off, but equity was above half a million. There was no way she was living in that house and I was living in a condo.

In the end she flipped her switch and decided she could live with my PTSD. If I didn't lawyer up immediately I would probably posting like you. I love my wife, but I don't need anyone. So anyone says they want out gets the hatcher. Love yourself the most people will respect you more.

Gattsama · 2022-08-03T03:40:37+00:00

Hey man sorry you are going through this. I sent you a DM with an overview of the process. First, since you have kids do not move out until you have parenting plan in place. Tough choices ahead but it's a good idea to get an attorney on back up, just in case. IF you can settle everything with out lawyers that is ideal. Look up the local laws, spilt ALL assets & debts 50/50, a fair spousal support. Child support is normally just a calculation (Google for your state). Custody should be 50/50. But as important is where are the children physically.

Do NOT sell anything unless you choose, because again all debts / assets are 50/50.

eyesayhello · 2022-08-03T03:49:17+00:00

You are going to get thrown under the bus with custody and finances. I consider losing 50%, or more, of my time with children as getting thrown under the bus. Same with finances that I've worked for to provide for the family that she's now destroying.

Get a lawyer, let him handle it, don't do any side deals with her*. File first.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-08-03T11:00:45+00:00

> She’s already asked me to move out and I refused.

Good. Do not move out. Moving out before the divorce is finalized is the worst mistake you can make. Here's why: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622

> I worry about her ability to take care of them on her own

Stop. She is a grown ass adult and can do it just fine.

> when I’m speaking to attorneys what should I be looking for?

What to look for in an attorney: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=13377

upvotersfortruth · 2022-08-03T06:09:22+00:00

Hard to see this not ending up with the lawyers. Some hope in her being willing to do something she didn’t initially want to do, albeit with unreasonable conditions. But at least she was willing to change her position. What do you mean “picked up papers”? If she went to the courthouse or downloaded and printed the forms, if you are civil enough with each other, ok to walk through them together. The problem is that you don’t want to get a divorce, nothing wrong with that but I will be hard for you to progress the process unwillingly.

Absolutely see a few lawyers. Discuss fees, caseload, support staff, litigation experience, settlement strategies, and generally what a divorce settlement would typically look like in a case like yours. Go in prepared with biographical data for yourselves and the kids, a reasonable notion of your assets and liabilities and any particular issues (e.g. mental health, ability to work) at the ready.

DBFool2019 · 2022-08-03T19:09:00+00:00

How about Snoop Doggy Dog getting a jobby job before she breaks in her new place?

Title	What first steps to take
Author	eovet
Upvotes	10
Comments	28
Date	August 3, 2022 2:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wev2be/what_first_steps_to_take/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-first-steps-to-take.1126463 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126463

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