Me and my wife of 13 years are separated. When we sold the house and moved to our own places, SHE made me promise her we wouldn't date anybody until we officially got divorced. Well, soon there after--three months later she started dating another guy. She told the kids not to tell me. Took him abroad and lied to everyone (saying she went alone). This was all hard because since we separated I've honored her promise and stayed single. I still love her and all I expected was for us take time apart individually and see if there's a chance for us to reconcile in the future. But now she wants a divorce and wants nothing to do with me other than co parent.

Currently we have 50/50. When it comes to the kids we are very invovled and she knows Im a good father. The kids don't like the new guy and she thinks is because im putting stuff in their head and im not "getting over her" quickly enough and wants to normalize things. Again, it's only been 3 months.

She knows i would do anything for us to give it another chance with lots of therapy involved. Yesterday I offered that but she said she would only do therapy (just me and her) for the kids so we can learn how to co parent only. I partly agree but i also don't think that's not going to give me any peace of mind of the relationship itself. I haven't been handling this heartbreak easy and she just doesn't seem to care about how this has been impacting me at all. Its like she wants all the perks of us having a good friendship/ co parenting relationship while getting dicked down by another guy while we're still married.

Everywhere im reading and learning through all the self help resources I should take a 30 day no contact. Today she responded saying she would do the therapy but not for our relationship but for us to co parent.

Should we do this (I had originally offered to pay) or should I just ignore her and continue my 30 day no contact and focus on my own individual healing? Every time I've tried to cut her off in that sense she comes back taking it out on the girls saying that im too immature for not having a cordial friendship with her while she moved on so quickly. I typically cave in hopes i can keep her close enough in case she changes her mind, but I then realize she doesn't and treats me like a total stranger at times. I then feel like I continue to torture myself when she pushes me away when I try to get too close.

I hope this makes sense to some at least.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.