Your new rules

noosenz · 2021-12-25T13:39:20+00:00

Do not marry.
Do not cohabitate.
Words don't mean shit, actions never lie.

toooldforthisnonsens · 2021-12-25T12:39:52+00:00

Don't mix finances. There's zero benefit and tons of risk.
Never date someone that needs you to create their identity, if they don't have their own hobbies, chores, life, etc. they use yours.
Compromise only when absolutely necessary. Don't date people that need to find pet sitters to take a weekend trip. Don't date people that live more than 15 minutes away. Don't date people with kids younger than mine.

25_years · 2021-12-25T13:45:50+00:00

Instead of sharing my own personal “rules”, I'll just add that having self-respect is a big part of it. Specifically, knowing your boundaries, setting your boundaries, and enforcing your boundaries. BTW, I'm one of those guys who evangelizes the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. I know not everyone here likes that book. For me, a skipped a few chapters that did not resonate with me. However, the author's message about boundaries is eye-opening and intensely thought-provoking.

In my marriage, I allowed things to happen that I flatly disagreed with. But I kept my mouth shut most of the time. Even when I "put my foot down" (whatever), I was met with ridicule and contempt.

But now? I live my life how I want to live it. I've had other relationships; in fact, I'm kinda in one now. She gets pissed at me all the time when I say 'no'. If she nags, I'll ignore her completely for a few days and let her cool down. No fucking way will I be manipulated again into doing something I don't really want to do. I'd MUCH RATHER be alone.

I'm ready to walk away at any time. That's a rule we should all embrace.

SomeRedditNewb · 2021-12-26T02:52:47+00:00

Never get married.
Never get married.
NEVER GET MARRIED.

Apprehensive_Walk_48 · 2021-12-25T14:17:44+00:00

Do NOT compromise:

I spent 11 years compromising while trying to be "fair." Often times I would just give up go against my own feelings on whatever the topic/issue was. It never led to anything positive. In hindsight that person just used disagreements to be manipulative in getting her way always. I just regret that I let it all happen. Had I not compromised on my feelings, I wouldn't have wasted so much time with that person.
Don't live together:

The idea of living together seems great at first. Spending more time together, Saving a little extra money...etc. Really, it's a mistake. You give up way more than you gain. Today I'd rather spend the money to have my personal space and time alone. Have my own routines and quirks, and do everything for myself without having to worry or consider someone else. It's a freedom that I completely took for granted the first time around when I jumped into my marriage/relationship.

Be selfish:

I always sacrificed to do more for my partner. To build our life. I never took care of myself. Now I know that it's more important than anything to just think about myself first. To treat myself great before I try to treat anyone any type of way. In my marriage, I always thought about my wife first. Now i know that I'm more important to me than anyone else. I come first always.

Diistortiionx · 2021-12-25T15:22:46+00:00

Find a proper way both partners can talk about the relationship. Schedule a time to just talk about the relationship. Gauges for both partners how the relationship is.
Don't ever argue, walk away when emotions run high. Confide in my partner that we will talk about what is bothering them but, not when we are distressed.
Never accept sex being taken out of the relationship. I am not one to beg but, I was bad at asking as well. Regardless, if sex isn't happening, it should be brought up as a concern.
Set time for each other, a date night or what have you. A day/time that you both just focus on being with each other, don't talk about finances/chores/kids/work etc. Just enjoy each other on a romantic night.

I wanted to think of more but, just some quick thoughts I had on it.

Ok_Jump_8642 · 2021-12-25T15:40:49+00:00

Don’t make sacrifices of any kind for the person.
Don’t get married or cohabitate.
No kids.

georeddit2018 · 2021-12-25T18:14:04+00:00

Disrespect me one time, I give warning. Second time am out.

hockeyguy013 · 2021-12-25T19:33:26+00:00

Never date anyone that has Instagram/Twitter/Facebook/Snapchat

opps

that cuts the pool down to a manageable number lol

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2021-12-25T23:15:01+00:00

In addition to other points: have your “year of peace” Wait at least one year after divorce is final before dating anyone. If you have post-divorce legal issues - year of peace didn’t start yet.

MountDesert · 2021-12-26T13:38:06+00:00

New redditor here, diving straight in:

Communicate. No matter how dicey the issue is, you have to discuss it/flag it. If it’s negotiable, lucky you. If it’s not, be prepared to shake hands and part.
Don’t leave before you’ve opened the door, i.e. finish a divorce before you start that new chapter. You may think you’re ready but the world will still see the blood-stained bandages.
Be clear in your head what you want in a new relationship but more importantly, what you can bring to it too.

AffectionateAd6060 · 2021-12-25T12:57:49+00:00

For me

1) use kind words and don't lash out

2) avoid alcohol

3) follow my career path unashamedly even if it means I won't have the most glorious title or make a ton of money

For her

1) she needs to not be on snapchat and capable of not Instagramming all night when getting home

2) open honest dialogue and joint decision making

3) needs to recognize that friends are friends, often not "our" friends, won't be w you in the retirement home or by your death bed and don't get to have much input on our families decisions

And to remember that a so called "strong woman" is equally as unattractive as a "weak man"

iamnobodybut · 2021-12-26T04:46:21+00:00

What's the deal with cohabitation?

Title	Your new rules
Author	behold20201
Upvotes	48
Comments	20
Date	December 25, 2021 11:33 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ro889n/your_new_rules/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/your-new-rules.1090719 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090719