Confidence isn't attractive

achyshaky · 2022-04-14T15:28:02+00:00

Well, yes. Confidence isn't a cure-all fix to dating issues. It's a necessary first step, though. I think of it like this: to drive a car, it needs to have gas. But putting gas in the car doesn't get you anywhere on its own - it's just a preparation.

Likewise, to have a (healthy) relationship, you need confidence. It's not going to get you a date, though. Not on its own.

The biggest benefit of confidence is that it demonstrates you're an independent, mature adult. When you're comfortable with who you are, what you look like, what you want to do in life, etc., you'll go further than someone who needs constant validation of their basic worth every few minutes. You'll go further than someone who constantly rejects compliments because they can't possibly imagine someone thinking they're attractive. You'll go further than someone who has no ambition or desires for themselves or their lives.

It's not that people like confident people per se, but that (healthy) people dislike when their partners have zero self-esteem. It's the equivalent of having to get out and push your car all the way to your destination. That's not what a relationship is meant to be.

People like cars that work, and people like when other people can take care of themselves.

Edit: a word.

WhoDoomsTheDoomer · 2022-04-14T17:45:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

fuziqq · 2022-04-16T12:49:21+00:00

Well. I have seen a lot of self-righteous and extremely ugly and obnoxious men and women. And they never looked attractive to me. I didn't even care how confident they were. As a man, I value youth and health in women. As internal qualities I admire moderate modesty, and a little bit of insecurity I find cute. Extreme confidence communicates to me actually low intelligence and arrogance

sabiinvesting · 2022-04-14T19:06:29+00:00

I think it really depends. Sometimes, confidence shows more and sometimes it doesn't. I think it has a lot to do with how extroverted or introverted one is. With extroverted people who are confident, it tends to show more. Due to my extroverted personality, I think it could have influenced certain types to be more attracted to me.

However, I believe having enough self esteem is essential for happiness in general, and could lead to healthier relationships in general. I think happy people tend to be more liked.

AntiVictimhood · 2022-04-14T16:56:17+00:00

I both agree and disagree.

I've always had well above average looks. And there was a period of years where I was majorly depressed and abusing alcohol. I had extremely low self esteem and self worth. I was not confident, but I guess I was when I was drunk... And yeah people didn't treat me any better or worse. Men have showed the same level of attraction and interest towards me back then as they do now. Even though I'm arguably much more confident, self assured, and better at talking to people. My insecurity never stopped men from approaching me and showing interest.

I think confidence is more of an internal shift. Now I'm genuinely really satisfied with the person I am and I enjoy talking to others. Whereas before I was anxious and depressed, but I think I faked being okay pretty convincingly.

That said, my gym crush is an objectively unattractive guy. Like he really wouldn't be described as "attractive". But he has this really magnetic disposition. He has super open body language, a great laugh, listens so attentively and just has this clear level of comfort in his own body that is truly sooooo attractive! The way he speaks and carries himself is so endearing. He radiates this confidence that I just want to be around. Even though he's not objectively good looking, he is without a doubt the most attractive man (to me) at my gym.

So I feel both ways. In my experience, my confidence hasn't seemed to alter the way I'm treated by others or the level of attention I get. But I will always go for the man who has radiates this welcoming energy over the traditional good looking guy. All of my exes look vastly different, many of them would be considered objectively unattractive. But they all have that high level of confidence and self assuredness that is vital for me to find a man attractive.

NextUnit5 · 2022-04-14T18:56:39+00:00

Yeah, confidence isn’t a fix all, but I tell you what, the people who get labelled as confident, specifically loud guys, they’re the ones who will get noticed, they’re the ones who have to be heard and seen and they are the ones that will create chances for themselves, which if there’s anything that confidence can do, it’s to create chances for that person to meet other people because they’re open to speak to new people, to put themselves forward, to give their whims a chance and find out if they can get what they want- to ask for it for god sake! Unrelenting confidence can do that. Amongst the wrong crowd, a loud confident person will only stand out, but they’re more likely to find their right crowd because they’re advertising themselves constantly.

Gmed66 · 2022-04-14T19:35:55+00:00

Lack of confidence is unattractive. But being confident is not necessarily attractive. You still need physical and emotional chemistry.

WhoDoomsTheDoomer · 2022-04-15T11:45:49+00:00

I remember when two drunk assholes approached me & a friend at a train station. They were clearly trouble and I got scared of them cause they looked intimidating and were bigger than both of us. My friend was unphased though. When one of the thugs asked my friend if he wants to get beaten up he chuckled and stared him down, saying "do you?". He had the confidence to stand up to a bigger bully which was backed up by genuine willingness to fight, despite being at a disadvantage.

I often think about that moment because I can see why women would find something like that super attractive. That's an example of confidence that barely anyone has and is probably desirable in a mate.

Rough-Strength-2634 · 2022-04-16T02:58:38+00:00

Being confident is something that is an expectation, certainly. No, it will not make you attractive by itself. What it will do is that will make others more neutral towards you. What it is, is a stepping stone to traits that will make you more attractive in general, such as comfort in your own skin being more outspoken, etc.

It is certainly an expected trait. If you display social cues that signal that you're not confident, others are more likely to think lower of you than they otherwise would if you had confidence. Confidence helps keeps you in a more "neutral" zone in the eyes of others. I believe that having confidence makes me feel better overall, regardless of what people think. You'll have haters no matter what, and confidence will help you deal with them in the events that you'll have to (inevitably) deal with them. If you feel better having confidence vs. not having it, that's all that counts anyway.

Title	Confidence isn't attractive
Author	WhoDoomsTheDoomer
Upvotes	18
Comments	31
Date	April 14, 2022 2:41 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/u3j3g3/confidence_isnt_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/confidence-isnt-attractive.1112700 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112700

Comments