I'm tired of people invalidating Femcels by telling them they "can have sex whenever they want", when at the same time I've met self-described incels who have even been asked to marry but turned it down and are obsessed with not being able to fuck everything that moves, or the other way around, who have had sex once or dated, but can't get a girlfriend. It's also often overlooked that many of them were good looking, but just had their minds fucked up by BlackPill.

I don't know if I'm a Femcel, but it really embarrasses me, and I feel very invalidated when someone suggests I could have effortless social relationships and I just don't have them because I don't want them. I have tried to go to courses (gymnastics, make-up, theater) to meet people, but always at the end of them I end up like at the beginning: alone. It is always the same, I go to one of them, I approach someone slowly, there is an intense and intimate relationship, and then when I try to integrate myself into the group, the others say that I am weird and the person with whom I had established the initial relationship moves away from me.

Not only do I have to deal with depression and rejection, but also invisibility. Normal people can accept that incels exist, but if I exist, then "I'm too picky". Well, I made an account on a dating app, and I only found two guys my age and from my city; the rest were gentlemen twice my age or people asking me to follow them on Instagram. I only got a date with one of them; he was short, chubbier than me and we talked about books on our dates. I really wanted to experience sex with him, but eventually we stopped seeing and talking to each other as often, until he stopped responding to my messages afterwards.

I think one of my problems is my fear of relationships in general, of bonding. And the RedPill/BlackPill/PinkPill made all my fears worse. I don't feel accepted in the female world either.

I really deep down I think all men are misogynists, that they will never see me as an equal or value me for my intelligence or who I am.

I have talked to people who tell me they don't want to be "betabux"; well, I wouldn't want to try to be "more feminine", fit the standards and live in the lie that a man loves me, when studies always show that they care more about physique and that they abandon their infertile or sick wives.

My experience and anxieties are probably not the same as those of the incels, but I think they are no less valid for that.

Edit: At the moment I know more guys who have told me they don't want a girlfriend than guys interested in having a girlfriend.

Actually in the same manosphere there are MGTOWs who don't want relationships with women and some being monks, but suddenly it's IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to meet men who don't want girlfriends/have sex with women in her environment and therefore not be able to have a boyfriend/fuck a guy.

I just don't get it.

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edit2: Okay, I need to make a clarification:

I don't think all men are misogynistic just because, nor do I treat them badly for it.

I have come to think that AFTER MEETING THE REDPILL. After talking to men about what they thought of women. After reading guys like Rollo Tomassi. After incels sending me DMs telling me I was just a useless a-hole who was good for nothing. After seeing crazy theories from incels or MGTOWs about how everything would be better if women would stop having rights and just stick to obeying men and having kids. My God, I just think about it and it's like: There's the internet, there's a men's space on the internet what's the first thing they talk about? Oh yeah, about how all women are bitches for daring to be more than just vaginas or incubators.

I'm not closed to the possibility that not all men are like that, but I wanted to bring this point up, because it's a recurring idea in my head, but I'm smart enough to doubt myself.

I just wanted to expand more on the idea of how it affected me to learn about RedPill and this whole world of garbage.