"if you dont approach or escalate as a guy your pretty much screwed"

Always_Scheming · 2023-01-03T03:23:44+00:00

Dude most women are probably more afraid to do it then you are

Don’t sweat it just shoot your shot and do you

Most guys also dont approach remember

Its not about women or men approaching

Just be a leader and love yourself and approach people men or women, platonic or romantic

Just be social and live/love life

Naus1987 · 2023-01-03T21:09:35+00:00

I've always been biased in that I think men have had a huge advantage to being the ones having to approach.

Because when you approach -- YOU get to decide who you approach. If I think of it like food, I'd rather have the choice of what food I want to eat, and not "just take" whatever is handed to me. I value choice, but having choice comes with the responsibility that you have to actually work for it. You can't just turn off your head and have the world (you want) handed to on a silver platter.

I think men got it lucky, because it was expected of them, so it doesn't feel weird to do it. A man approaching is normal, where as if a woman approaches, people question her. So honestly, I think women got screwed over. But they should approach more often. They should be choosing the men they want to be with, and not just accept what stumbles in the door.

Ultimately, I don't even think this has to be a gender thing. It's a success thing. Like when it comes to employment and careers. Do you want to just work at whatever company sends you an invitation, or would you rather have the freedom to apply at the companies YOU WANT to work for.

Sometimes ya gotta work a little bit harder to get in the door, but I'd rather have the opportunity + effort to get in than to always be passed over by default.

------

The bottom line though, life simply sucks for people who aren't extroverted and don't know how to handle social situations. The world functions on social situations, and if you don't know how to play the game by its rules -- you're often pretty handicapped.

And it's just not a gender thing. Men only got pushed into that role, because they saw the opportunity and took it. Successful men normalized what worked for them.

Alternatively, if you want to be "picked" and not be the one choosing, be fucking good at sending the right signals. If you want the food person to bring you chicken, you better be wearing your "I love chicken" hat, and your "I love chicken bib," and always be talking about chicken.

If you want to be picked for a job involving art, you better be the best artist you know, and be recognized.

That's the the thing. You can either choose to let your words carry you, or you have to be fucking competent as hell in your actions to make up for being a silent-Tom. A smart company WILL PICK a high quality candidate who doesn't apply, and they'll spam them.

Just like women will PICK a high quality guy, and lavish attention on them. But if you don't have the gusto to carry you, then you go the extroverted route, lol.

DMD12345 · 2023-01-03T14:07:25+00:00

Most guys don’t approach women anymore. Confidently approaching and not being a weirdo about it sets your apart from 99% of guys out there.

Step_Aside_Butch · 2023-01-03T17:41:10+00:00

Seems to me that you’re using both escorts and your expectations of “equality” as a buffer to avoid the pain of rejection. You want women to bear an equal share of the risk, which is fine in theory but rarely works in reality. Some guys have that It Factor that makes women fall in their lap, but most of us have to do the work to get what we want. And that means getting used to the possibility of rejection, by facing it, experiencing it, and realizing that you’ll be ok after it happens.

CryptoCracko · 2023-01-03T03:38:42+00:00

You're tall and muscular, maybe women are intimidated by you? I'm a 5'8 Asian dude and sometimes women approach me, though not that often. Anyway, sounds like you would do well on Tinder.

TheStormzo · 2023-01-03T02:48:30+00:00

Just talk to women like people and not like you want to fuck them and u will get more women then ever before.

TVans14 · 2023-01-03T13:48:21+00:00

The RP is neither 100% right nor 100% wrong. In criticising it, as with any idea, we must remember not to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

In the case of approaching, the RP gets it right in that most of the time men will have to approach and women would rather not. Canada is very progressive but even ardent feminists want some amount of traditional masculine leadership in the man they commit to.

okusername3 · 2023-01-03T20:59:17+00:00

Dude, you misunderstand things. You think having "game" is super hard and is totally required to get anywhere and you put tons of pressure on yourself

Until my far into my 20s I had 0 game - and always had girlfriends. And I'm totally average looking, not a tall athlete like you.

The only thing you need to do to not get friend zoned is to make it clear to the girl that you are interested / available. Young women also don't have a lot of experience and confidence in the situations and might look somewhere else if they think you "rejected" them and settle for friendship.

All you need to do is to say at some point "hey, I'm having so much fun with you, are you single, do you want to go on a date?"

That's it. Friend zone avoided. She'll look at you differently, ask different questions etc, because she knows she needs to make up her mind at some point.

Regarding escalation - in retrospect I've missed tons of opportunities by being too passive. But it's not a total requirement. Most guys have no game and things still work out. You might miss out on one night stands, but you will meet women who help with taking rhe next steps - when they know it's on the table.

Defeat_your_past · 2023-01-03T22:15:38+00:00

I’m life, if you don’t ask for what you want, you get nothing. It’s unlikely that a girl will make the move to kiss you, you need to make the move to kiss the girl. It’s unlikely that a girl will ask you on a date, you’ll have to do the asking. If you’re waiting for things to come to you, you’ll be waiting forever and won’t get what you really want

But I also apply that to every area of life. You want a discount? Ask for a discount. You want someone to do you a favor? Ask for the favor. Nothing in life comes about without initiative. Do to cultural norms, women are usually less assertive and less willing to ask for what they want, and that applies to dating as well

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2023-01-03T02:59:30+00:00

What's unfair about it? Women aren't obligated to pursue men if they don't want to.

Known_Patience_3303 · 2023-01-03T09:14:26+00:00

Its not universal, but in 99% of the cases as a guy you have to initiate conversation and escalate in order to lead to sex.

I know it sounds demoralizing, but its actually the other way around. As a girl your main trump card is your physical appearance. As a guy you could litteraly have dolphin fins for feet and an elephant slurf for your nose and girls will still be into you as long as you engage.

Also escalation isnt hard. Strike up a conversation, if its fun touch her on the shoulder, knee, whatever. End the conversation with a hug. Keep doing shit like that. Also if it happens the moment she says your a good friend tell her you arent there to be just friends with her and move on. (But do not start practicing on co workers or near friends)

SourBow · 2023-01-03T14:12:24+00:00

Stop spending money on escorts. You’ll get an std and you’ll be even more lonely because you know damn well the sex you’re getting is duty sex

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2023-01-03T18:51:19+00:00

Women don't approach because we can't guarantee our safety around men. Period. It's not some cake walk of being desired for women; most of us don't want the majority of guys throwing themselves our way.

Take some responsibility and go after what you want... In life, in general. Or don't... It doesn't really hurt anyone but yourself.

i live in Canada where we actively try to discourage gender roles

What are you talking about? I live in Canada too, and we actively accept all genders of diversity, but I have never seen gender roles "actively discouraged".

LiftSushiDallas · 2023-01-03T02:41:11+00:00

Men are the pursuers. This isn't red pill ideology. This is just biology. If you want to be pursued then you should change your sexuality.

Always_Scheming · 2023-01-03T03:18:01+00:00

Maybe you need more platonic female friends and then when you meet their friends they may like you off the bat as you are friends with their friends and if they like you they may escalate or at least hint that you should/could ask them out

Title	"if you dont approach or escalate as a guy your pretty much screwed"
Author	SourBow
Upvotes	21
Comments	71
Date	January 3, 2023 2:32 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/101vmhh/if_you_dont_approach_or_escalate_as_a_guy_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/if-you-dont-approach-or-escalate-as-a-guy-your.1147321 https://theredarchive.com/post/1147321

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