You’re making yourself a loser

Happy-Hearing6671 · 2023-10-23T03:32:17+00:00

Any mention of “red pill”, “high value man/woman” etc. is a glaring red flag for normal people dating or in relationships. I'm sorry for those...

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Being red pill means being aware of how the dynamics between men and women work so can better navigate real life situations. It in no way means you need to be paranoid or behave in a disrespectful or demeaning manner towards women. That’s not at all what that stuff is about. Often people who evangelize ‘red pill’ are men with much life experience often punctuated with failures that in hindsight could have been avoided or at least better managed had they been red pilled much sooner. Men should NOT go about their interactions with women with an angry, nasty , or disrespectful manner and blame it on red pill. This is a sign of guys who are frustrated due to a lack of success with women and need to walk away from dating and improve themselves as much as they can before trying again. Unfortunately dating isn’t fair. Men have the burden of performance and success and women don’t . Men have to be their best selves to be appreciated.

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That's an unfounded statement based on nothing but a seemingly limited experience with women and far too much red pill content. Just because someone was promiscuous doesn't mean they always will be, nor does it mean they just need drama, nor does it mean they're untrustworthy, or that they're a bad person, or anything else. Some people like to have a bit of fun and then settle down. Some people want to be promiscuous for life. Someone's past does not define their future. If a woman actually wants to be a "wife", then she probably doesn't want to be promiscuous any more does she, otherwise she'd have ditched you long before you tried to offer her a ring. Just think that through for like, 30 seconds and you realise how ludicrous it sounds to say that a woman can't be trusted to be a wife because she used to have casual sex.

You're free to set whatever standards and rules you want for your future partner. But it is unreasonable, irrational, and simply misogynistic to claim that women who enjoyed casual sex at some point in their life "just need drama in their lives and are untrustable".

[–]CautiousAd9648 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

"If a woman actually wants to be a "wife", then she probably doesn't want to be promiscuous any more does she, otherwise she'd have ditched you long before you tried to offer her a ring. Just think that through for like, 30 seconds and you realise how ludicrous it sounds to say that a woman can't be trusted to be a wife because she used to have casual sex."

LMAO....sure, sure. But the opposite could also be very true - after years of whoring it up and then getting close to her "use by" expiration date she becomes desperate to settle down and use a man (either partially or fully) as her personal ATM. And, being very experienced with many partners, she might very well start to miss all that "being desired" and the excitement of new sex and wind up cheating to recapture it.

"You're free to set whatever standards and rules you want for your future partner. But it is unreasonable, irrational, and simply misogynistic to claim that women who enjoyed casual sex at some point in their life "just need drama in their lives and are untrustable"."

Yet it's not unreasonable, irrational and simply MISANDRIST to call men out or deem them in some way dysfunctional or at fault for not wanting to deal with the possibility of a POTENTIALLY disloyal, difficult relationship/partner?? Many women claim to despise "players" and consider them untrustworthy but if men do it, it's not ok and misogynistic?? Double standard much?? lol

[–]spiraldinosaur 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Calling you out for using entirely hypothetical situations that you just made up in your head - one that's based on total nonsense like women having an "expiration date" or this idea that women just want a man as a personal ATM - to shame women for their sexual promiscuity, is not "misandry".

If you read back what I actually said, I didn't say you're wrong for "not wanting to deal with the possibility of a potentially disloyal partner". I called out referring to women who have had multiple previous partners as "just needing drama in their lives and being untrustable". Again, you set whatever standards you want for choosing a partner, but defining women as one thing because of their sexual past is nonsense and misogynistic.

It's also utter nonsense. Your assumption is that because a woman used to sleep with several different men, she will therefore desire that in the future. So by that assumption, do you completely overlook how often people on here post about their partner who had never been with anyone else before feels like they're "missing out" by only being with one person for their whole life? Because it happens a lot. So we can comfortably say that how many previous partners a person has had, does not define how much they will desire having multiple partners. A virgin wife could still end up cheating down the line because she missed out on having a "hoe phase". A woman who had a "hoe phase" in her youth could decide she never wants to go through something like that again and would prefer some stability and the benefits of a long term committed relationship. Or vice versa. There's no correlation.

I also didn't, at any point, suggest that women can have the same bias towards men, and I'm also entirely against slut shaming men who like to sleep around. So don't try to come at me like I'm some kind of hypocrite.

A lot of what you're saying is just pure, undiluted red pill bullshit. If you're not ready to spit out the red pill and come back to the real world, you're not going to have a nice time on this subreddit.

[+]CautiousAd9648 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

You call me out for hypothetical situations then go on and state a whole set of hypothetical situations of your own:

"A virgin wife could still end up cheating down the line because she missed out on having a "hoe phase". A woman who had a "hoe phase" in her youth could decide she never wants to go through something like that again and would prefer some stability and the benefits of a long term committed relationship."

Could, could, etc = HYPOTHETICAL

And, while you may not be a hypocrite, PLENTY of women are and don't want to be judged by the same standard they apply to men.

Another thing...I happen to love women and consider myself a gentleman. AND I would treat the right woman the very best I could if such efforts would not be taken advantage of or at least be respected. Problem today is many (not all but MANY) women feel entitled to being treated as the better in a relationship and don't want to be a true equal. A lot of this has to do with their upbringing, media, etc. but that's a cop out. At some point, women need to see through it and realize they are no better and both partners should treat each other respectfully and one is no more entitled than the other. Sadly, this tends to come much later in life (if at all) but great relationships they could have had were ruined or ended because their mindset was skewed into believing all that BS when they were younger.

I've tried giving women the benefit of a doubt in the past but have wound up very disappointed. Now, I am with someone where it looks very promising and equal in all areas. She appreciates me and I, her. For most men, just being appreciated would be enough...again, sadly, most women don't have it in themselves to either show or indicate that and take it for granted that they "deserve" such treatment with no reciprocation on their part.

[–]spiraldinosaur 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You call me out for hypothetical situations then go on and state a whole set of hypothetical situations of your own

Yes, because I'm trying to highlight how ridiculous it is to decide what kind of person someone is based on hypothetical situations. There's no point in setting this standard that you'll only date virgins or only date women with very minimal previous experience because you want to avoid a partner who is "potentially disloyal", because doing so could backfire, since literally anyone could be "potentially disloyal" regardless of their sexual history. Got it?

And, while you may not be a hypocrite, PLENTY of women are and don't want to be judged by the same standard they apply to men.

And so is virtually EVERY red pill commentator who will talk about how manly it is to go fuck around and how it's perfectly acceptable for men to sleep around because it doesn't decrease their value, but if women do it it's wrong. So why are you so keen to listen to them? Sure, some women are hypocrites, so are some men. What's your point? Why are you taking it out on women?

I happen to love women and consider myself a gentleman.

Not sure you can really claim that if such gentlemanly attitudes come with minimal requirements such as not having sex with other men. Slut shaming is not gentlemanly at all.

Problem today is many (not all but MANY) women feel entitled to being treated as the better in a relationship and don't want to be a true equal.

So do lots of men. What's your point? Many (not all but MANY) women also want a relationship that is perfectly equal and want to be with a man who they can shower with affection and gifts and love and whatever else. You can't sit here claiming you love women and that you're a gentlemen then go on to complain about how women are so unfair.

At some point, women need to see through it and realize they are no better

At some point, you need to realise that YOU are no better and that all this crap you're talking is just classic red pill bullshit. Seriously, how many women do you have as close friends? How many previous relationships with women have you had? What are you basing all of your points of view on? Because I can tell you now that virtually NONE of the women in my life - past or present - align with what you describe, and it certainly hasn't been more common amongst women than it has been amongst men.

great relationships they could have had were ruined or ended because their mindset was skewed into believing all that BS when they were younger.

My dude, if we're going to talk about people who's potential relationships were ruined because their mindset was skewed by bullshit...

again, sadly, most women don't have it in themselves to either show or indicate that and take it for granted that they "deserve" such treatment with no reciprocation on their part.

Most women literally just want a guy who does his own laundry without being asked and who will be up for going on dates and won't try to have sex with her when she doesn't want and doesn't spend his life on his Xbox and is up for putting a nice shirt on when they go out. Seriously, I have no idea where you get this from that women are somehow overly demanding. The bar is literally on the floor. I've had women pretty much praising me for being able to cook a decent meal. It's not that hard to just not be a shitty man.

Obviously, there are women out there who expect the full princess treatment, but if you think they're the majority you've been watching too much red pill rubbish.

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Here you go Blue Pill

Do Women With More Premarital Partners Get Divorced Less? | Psychology Today

This new research from the University of Utah provides insight into recent social and behavioral shifts. Although the study found that women who had more than 10 sexual partners prior to marriage did show an increase in divorce rates, people who had only two partners do, too. Both groups had higher rates of divorce, but the lowest rate was found among those with between three and nine premarital partners.

Number of sexual partners could determine how likely you are to DIVORCE | Daily Mail Online

The study found that for women marrying since 2000, those with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce - but Professor Wolfinger says this only became true in recent years.

'The highest five-year divorce rates of all are associated with marrying in the 2000s and having 10 or more premarital sex partners: 33 percent,' he wrote in the report.

'Perhaps it is not unexpected that having many partners increases the odds of divorce.

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Believe it or not, fucking a lot of people doesn't preclude you from understanding intimacy and being a good partner. I am a dude with a high body count, and I have been in a stable relationship for a year and a half with a lady who was a virgin until we met. We are faithful to eachother and we love eachother deeply, and my being slutty in the past has zero impact on my ability to be a good partner.

Due to the fact that I am not an incel, I would give zero fucks if my gf had been railed by 17 dudes before me, because I understand that having casual sex does not prevent someone from being in a successful monogamous relationship. I found having casual sex to be overall unfulfilling, and I prefer having sex with one person who I love. Thus my goal is to do everything I can to make my relationship work.

Is it possible for you to ponder with your pea sized brain that maybe people can learn from their experiences and come to the conclusion that it is in their best interests to be a good partner, regardless of how many people they've fucked?

You definitely come across as a person who's understanding of sex and women was gathered mostly by watching redpill YouTube videos, rather than actual life experience and a genuine understanding of how human behavior works.

[+]kingdomite_tag22 -14 points-13 points-12 points 2 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Nah buddy im a person who’ve seen many examples in life. Even have had a relationship where the girl with high body counts gave me nothing but doubts eventhough i tried loving her.

Its quite easy to say that u wouldnt care if ur gf got railed but imagine ur love getting fucked by someone else just for fun. Nah i aint that big of a loser to let it slide.

U accuse me for being an incel then what are u doing on reddit in the firstplace trying to argue with an incel? Seems like hypocrisy to me. You cant get it in your pea sized brain that body count matters atleast to others.

Someday ask your gf bout what she actually feels about u fucking other girls before her and try to compare them with her and see how it actually feels to seem “not-complete” for the one u love just for some instant 2 min gratification.

Keep ur shitty western bullshit to urself i aint taking none of that. Im proudly an insecure person if it means that way but id rather die alone then need to follow your bullshit

[–]MentalAlternative8 15 points16 points17 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

First of all, the fact that you legitimately said: "have a conversation with your girlfriend about the girls you fucked before her and compare them with her", as if that is like, a thing that normal people would ever do... Definitely a lot to unpack there.
Anyway, your idea of having enough life experience to make the accurate and objective judgement that people who have had a lot of sex are incapable of understanding intimacy and love is......... That you were in one relationship that didn't work out which you attribute to your ex not being a virgin, which you've used to make inferences about an entire category of human behaviour. That definitely checks out.

Not sure if you can read but I didn't say I'd be okay with my partner getting railed in front of me while we're together, I said that I would not care if she had in the past had casual sex with a lot of different people, because it wouldn't change the fact that she is a beautiful soul. I have dated people with a higher body count, and the relationships ended on good terms. It made no difference to who those people were. I know you don't understand nuance so we'll let it slide.

"You accuse me of having incel views but here you are on reddit disagreeing with me on a subreddit specifically designed for discussions about incel ideology. Curious." Lol. But yeah, I understand that body count matters to some people, people can have whatever values they want to have. I just disagree with them, and I am articulating why that is, hence the conversation we're having right now. Are you seriously calling me a hypocrite for trying to have a discussion with you about the different views we have? Come on bud.

In regards to the shitty western bullshit stuff, I disagree with western colonialism, neoliberalism, and a lot of other aspects of how western societies run. I also recognise that there are many positive aspects to living in a first world western country. Just saying "fuck your western PC bullshit" isn't an actual argument bud.

But yeah, like I said, with that attitude you won't have any issue managing to die alone. There is no perfect virgin woman out there who will be your first and never cheat on you and then you both live happily ever after. That is not how humans work. People have sex, some people have a lot of sex, some people don't have a lot of sex. Both are okay. Chill out mate, everything is gonna be ok.

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I don´t think I have any rational reason other than that I don´t like it and I´d be happy to see the lowest amount of genitals possible.All I know is that it´s typically considered sensitive or intimate and therefore you should probably not throw it around cheaply.

I know this is a bad example but for example Andrew Tate said that women are most vulnerable during sex and he´s using it to manipulate them. I don´t know if it´s true but if it is, it sounds dangerous.And I do believe that you are pretty vulnerable during sex so... the more people you do it with the bigger chance of getting hurt, is my logic I suppose.

Oh, another reason. Deep seated shame. And disgust. It is something I am not interested in exploring unless I care about someone enough.But the biggest reason is. Like to be honest I hate sexuality, I find it humiliating. It makes me loose respect for people. So I´d rather do that with someone who I have a deep enough bond to not loose respect for them.

And I just find it weird that other people consider it so normal. Like... I am not judging but to me it´s common sense that sexuality is fucking disgusting. Shame. So you only do it with people who you trust. Other people don´t seem to think so and it surprises me.

Basically I got no reason to be against it other than that it feels wrong to me. But then again, I dunno. Like what I´m trying to say is that with everything that I wrote, I really don´t think it´s not shocking to just sleep around without remembering who you slept around with.
It´s like you don´t have any of these problems, it´s like you don´t get vulnerable during sex enough for it to matter who you´re having it with. Or like you don´t have any negative feelings of shame surrounding it and I don´t know how you achieved that. But then again, I´m a virgin I have no idea how it actually works.
But sleeping around still doesn´t come so naturally as some people here make it out to be.

[–]SufficientDot4099 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you understand that your feelings about sexuality are just your feelings and not everybody else’s? Do you understand that different people are different?

Andrew Tate isn’t normal. You are vulnerable during sex but that doesn’t make it harmful. You’re vulnerable every time you share your feelings with someone but it’s still good to share your feelings. Everything in life that is worth doing comes with the risk of getting hurt. You’re vulnerable every time you try to get to make new friends. You’re vulnerable every time you try to learn a new skill. People are vulnerable during sex but it’s not anywhere near being their most vulnerable. You’re more vulnerable when talking about traumatic events than you are when having sex.

And yes you should only do it with people you trust. But what you don’t understand is that plenty of people can trust other people that they aren’t in a relationship with. Casual sex doesn’t mean sleeping with people you don’t trust.

[–]lordDandas 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Well I'm just saying that I absolutely don't understand where people are coming from when they sleep around. To me it's humiliating and weird. I wouldn't date a girl with high body count because I would be unable to understand her.

Like all of this hypersexuality is completely new to me. Like whenever I saw someone objectifying themselves or try looking sexy, I just assumed they have low self-esteem and are humiliating themselves in front of everyone to get attention.

I don't like dating people with high body count because I feel like those people forgot their dignity somewhere. Like if I use myself as a reference, I know that if I slept around a lot there would be something incredibely wrong with me, cause I wouldn't do it normally.

I am aware it's probably just me but it certainly is news to me.

Like if sex is so casual and so not intimate at all. Why don't we all just decide to walk around naked ? There's nothing inherently shameful about it is there ? Doesn't matter how many people see me naked.

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I do not think that anyone here is pressuring anyone into doing so or "gaslighting" them.

You’d be surprised. There seems to be a concerted effort by men LARPing as women.

Sure, but there is nothing inherently shameful about having lots of sex. It can be done in safe and enjoyable ways

Let’s agree to disagree here. There’s nothing “inherent” about anything. Our feelings of disgust are a product of nature and nurture which cannot be reasoned away. For example some people would be disgusted at the idea of eating insects while that is entirely normal for other people. Doesn’t mean the feelings of the former aren’t valid and I feel there is way too much of humiliating men in this sub for feeling disgust at promiscuity.

I'm not super keen in men bragging about this here or shaming anyone that hasn't had a lot of sex; I do not see how that's helpful, no matter how pig-headed someone is being.

Agreed. Some comments here that mock men about never getting to touch a woman unless they disregard their personal preferences, are downright toxic and abusive. It’s no less toxic than RP.

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Title	You’re making yourself a loser
Author	Happy-Hearing6671
Upvotes	138
Comments	115
Date	October 23, 2023 3:32 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/17eb6e3/youre_making_yourself_a_loser/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/youre-making-yourself-a-loser.1236072 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236072