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[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist108 points109 points110 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I think the fuck not" 👏👏👏
[–][deleted] 84 points85 points86 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Whoa, marriage? I'm gonna be honest, that's... that's fast and doesn't seem like he has the best reasons. Though I get how it makes sense for him to get her in a position where she feels most willing to contribute financially. Wow. Men can be so calculating...
[–]AocwannabeFDS Newbie[S] 67 points68 points69 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
OP here. He actually did both- planned dates and started to make more money. I believe that men fall in love with you by doing things for you and men don’t want to let you go once they have invested ESPECIALLY financially. He wanted marriage to lock me down and maybe it was his intention to manage down my expectations. Thankfully I will never know😂🤣 Also of note, after we broke up whenever I would get sad I would look at all of the earrings and furniture he bought me and I would feel a little bit better.😜 He wasn’t a wealthy man but he was generous proportionate to his income. Also, monopolizing a man’s resources is a legit strategy to increase the likelihood he will be faithful. (Because he can’t use those resources to court other women.)
[–]RabidWenchFDS Apprentice37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I believe that men fall in love with you by doing things for you [...]
I think you may be right. The "Benjamin Franklin Effect" is pretty well known among psychology folks and it may very well extend in odd ways to romantic relationships. Men certainly do not appreciate women who go out of their way for them.
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Men certainly do not appreciate women who go out of their way for them.
This right here, I literally talked to my brother last night and he was mentioned his ex-finance and he said that she was stupid because after an argument she would go and buy him expensive ass gifts, he never asked for. She would come back from Best Buy and would spend $400 on electronics and my brother would look at her like she was stupid and asked her, "Why would you spend $400 when we just had a baby." He dumped her shortly after that and she prevented him from seeing his kids. I remember being 14 and looking at her sometimes like you are doing waaaaayyyy 2 much. His new fiance, she do not play, I love her and she made my brother step his game up.
[–]glittersparklesglitzFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you think he mentioned marriage in order to get her to go 50/50?
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
By the way it sounds? He at least asked so she would go partway in financially, yeah. First he starts literally asking for 50/50, then he brings up marriage with the natural assumption that a working wife would be more likely to pay some bills and split some fees/fixed costs with him. It sounds like it's about money to me. It's more than fine to understand that that marriage/cohabitation will have positive financial impacts for a couple, but to push within 1 MONTH after the fact and to ask for 50/50 dates in the first place says he's placing money as a higher priority than love/commitment.
[–]understatedalwaysFDS Disciple58 points59 points60 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don’t ever lessen yourself to going 50/50. The reason I am actually saying that is because a man who TRULY adores and wants you will absolutely go to the ends of the earth to prove to you that he can provide for you. Even if he is poor, he will go without food to show you that you come first. I know this because of many, many life experiences with men. Only the men who don’t give a fuck about you will ever ask you to pay. It’s not about snagging the richest guy possible. It’s about the guy putting his money where his mouth is.
[–]shinyjewelsFDS Apprentice71 points72 points73 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I don't go 50/50 because women are still not being paid equal wages for equal work. Even an adjusted wage gap, where all other variables are adjusted for, women make on average 5% less than men. I don't go 50/50 because women on average perform so much more unpaid labor than men, such as homemaking and emotional labor. I don't go 50/50 because even though women are outperforming men in school and work, there is still a huge glass ceiling that prevents women from reaching the peaks of success, because once you climb high enough, you're in a "boy's world". Financial security is one of the only benefits that women have, and 3rd wave feminism has convinced us to forgo that benefit without addressing the underlying structures that forced us to become financially dependent in the first place.
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Disciple20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And that's just the basic financial side of things. Women also have to spend money on makeup, clothing, jewelry, hair/skin products, shoes... these are all things that we not only use on dates, but we use to maintain our appearances throughout the year.
Clear skin and beautiful hair aren't a one day affair, it takes months and even years to achieve and keep certain looks, even if it's just something "basic" like "shiny hair."
When you go on a date, you show a man the result of all the efforts you've put for months and years. He better be ready to pay for a date.
[–]menalitFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
well articulated.
[–]EspionagessFDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can always regain money. Time and youth, you cannot.
[–]MLane81FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Let me tell you why else I won’t be going 50/50 anymore. The former pick-me self used to pay half of dinners and lunches with my ex despite the fact his order of food was always twice what I ordered. He ran marathons and would load up on food at every meal. Now how the fuck is it ‘equal’ when I’m paying for your food?
[–]Davina33FDS Disciple29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't do 50/50 and I never will.
[–]MonicaLSolisFDS Disciple25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
If he's such a penny pincher that can't do that then maybe he should stop inviting women on dinner dates
[–]hepatitisYFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Imagine going 50/50? Couldn’t be me 😂 my fiancé still pays for every single dinner out and Uber eats even tho it’s literally shared money at this point. It’s the principle of the thing - my spending money is for me, his money is for us. That being said my “spending money” is often spent on stuff for our house, like decor and kitchen utensils etc. It definitely balances out in the end. But it’s stuff I would have bought for myself anyways, and he benefits from living in a beautiful home.
[–]Affectionate-Cut-460FDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
If you want her, pay for her food you poop stains. If she wants you, she'll take care of you, be loyal to you, cook for you (not necessary but you're damn lucky if she does), and bare your god damn children. Paying for her meal is the god damn least you can contribute to the relationship. Men wanna call themselves the providers. Ok, where? Where are you providing if you refuse to pay for a meal and expect her to work a job and keep your kids alive 24/7?
[–]MonicaLSolisFDS Disciple17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I noticed men love patriarchal gender roles until it comes to men paying for dates and being the providers 😂
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[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist108 points109 points110 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 84 points85 points86 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]AocwannabeFDS Newbie[S] 67 points68 points69 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]RabidWenchFDS Apprentice37 points38 points39 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]glittersparklesglitzFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]understatedalwaysFDS Disciple58 points59 points60 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]shinyjewelsFDS Apprentice71 points72 points73 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Disciple20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]menalitFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EspionagessFDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MLane81FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Davina33FDS Disciple29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MonicaLSolisFDS Disciple25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hepatitisYFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Affectionate-Cut-460FDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MonicaLSolisFDS Disciple17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link