Advice on finances?

GlitteryMoss · 2021-12-31T04:20:02+00:00

No. Don't mention your savings to any dates. Your financial status and mortgage status is on a need to know basis. One thing is being honest and another being transparent (i.e. blurting out all about you)

You don't need to mention you live in a house that you own or whether it is paid in full. Just say "I live in Throwaway District or or in a one-storey house. How about you?" and divert the topic away from home ownership unless they have facilitated that information first and they own their place and their mortgage is paid in full. I.E. if they are renting I am not going to say oh I own my home, instead I'd ask if they like the area and why and take the topic away from home ownership.

Take a while to work on your self esteem, see a therapist, and enjoy life with yourself. When the time comes and you are strong and confident, then you need to strongly vet a man who has it together in life.

Since this takes time, before any serious commitments you should know if he is responsible with his finances. Only then I'd disclose that mine are healthy etc. If you think of marriage, make sure you have a prenup.

FI-REfox · 2021-12-31T04:36:42+00:00

Don't tell a date anything about your finances, family or sexual history. All of these are things are potentially "sensitive topics" that can put you in a vulnerable position with manipulating LVM.

It's not relevant to dating at all, and only once you're in a position where money is truly relevant to your committed relationship, like preparing a prenup or moving in together prior to marriage, should you discuss it.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-12-31T04:53:19+00:00

“I’m doing fine”. Nothing else for many, many months.

JadeBaby2211 · 2021-12-31T05:31:49+00:00

Don't worry about being polite in this scenario, that's your socialization talking. I'd fib around the truth until the prenup is signed. I'm not going to get married and im planning on dodging questions about finances until im dead lol. Will always make it seem like im less wealthy than I am.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-12-31T05:47:59+00:00

Welcome back! And congratulations on achieving those financial milestones! ♥️ But, love there’s absolutely no reason to let anyone know how much money you’ve saved. It’s not going to just “come out” if you don’t let it. You need to be discreet about your savings in order to protect them. Accounts like a Roth IRA are a great option because you’re not able to access that money until later in life and you don’t need to pay taxes on it until then. Standard bank accounts hardly give you interest, so if your money is in there I’d take the cash out and get a safe deposit box at a bank. Just say you have jewelry in it or something if he asks. That way you can keep your savings private. If you’re close with your parents and have a trustworthy relationship, you can add their name to your account and say that all of the money in the account isn’t yours and that you are sharing it. I agree with the comment above saying there’s a difference between honestly and transparency. I consider myself to be a mentally healthy and happy woman and I admit that I am not fully transparent with a single person in my life because there’s simply no reason for it. If a man is truly high value, he will not consider secret savings a dealbreaker if they ever come to his awareness. He will understand why you have them. A man that doesn’t plan on f*****g you over has no reason to be upset about such a thing. It’s noble of you to want to be honest to that degree, but it’s not a move in your best interest.

Namtara · 2021-12-31T19:18:47+00:00

Obviously though I don't want any LV/NVM to know this and want to be careful cause even if a guy seems perfect he might change towards me if he knows I'm financially stable. (Made this mistake with an ex and he literally lived with me without paying any bills for over a year :/)

I second the other comments, but wanted to address this specifically. You shouldn't worry about any man who "seems perfect" changing his attitude towards you. If his attitude was positive and shifts to negative, then why would you tolerate his presence? If it was negative to begin with, then he's not a HVM anyway. Be glad you recognized the problem and move on.

In addition, please re-read the handbook regarding topics of moving in with a SO and splitting finances. Those posts discuss warning signs, setting boundaries, etc. for how to ensure that you are not taken advantage of.

You almost paid off your house! You can certainly handle this too. You will be okay.

Anonimica_X · 2021-12-31T06:54:34+00:00

Never ever reveal your exact financial status to a man, any man. Try to round it down to slightly above average income and keep it in the ballpark. An HVM should not ask you where you live in the first few dates, and even if someone does, give the closest middle class/lower class area from your home. He should also never ask you how much you earn in dates

Never reveal the actual area, giving anything outside 5-10 miles is ok. The only time you should reveal your financial status to a guy is when you are engaged and are planning to merge some assets during marriage. Even then, consult a lawyer and keep a secret stash fund for emergency which only you, your financial advisor and lawyer know about.

Also, the FDS handbook has a fantastic financial literacy section for dating. Check it out.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-12-31T18:05:30+00:00

Why would you want to tell people these things? The only time you should be discussing finances is if you are planning to live together and get married. Otherwise, you shouldn’t be telling a boyfriend how much you make or whether or not you own your property.

If someone asks, just say you have a stable income coming in and you’re doing well. No need to mention any specifics.

daratal · 2021-12-31T05:09:38+00:00

Unless you're engaged with a date of the wedding set, your savings and financial status are none of his business. Hobosexuals and male gold diggers can go out of their way to impress you if they think it will benefit them. Leeching out of a woman is their only ability, after all. So beware.

MyBeautifulSweetsong · 2021-12-31T05:20:19+00:00

Also owning your own home doesn't mean it's paid off. And you can say straight up I don't like to get in other people's financial affairs because I don't like them in mine. That should ward off some of them.

Title	Advice on finances?
Author	gogetawaythrowitaway
Upvotes	69
Comments	17
Date	December 31, 2021 4:08 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rsl0l8/advice_on_finances/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/advice-on-finances.1089825 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089825

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