Are there any HVM?

the-red_woman · 2019-12-05T23:48:46+00:00

Yea most guys in Aussie are LV honestly, I moved to Western Europe a year ago and it’s been amazing to see some intelligence in action. Have you considered moving? Otherwise Sydney or Melbourne innnercity are your only hope and even there the pickings are very very slim....

PlatyupsCommittee · 2019-12-06T00:01:45+00:00

I didn't find any where I grew up (a little shithole town in the U.S. in the meth-epidemic belt), though later I learned some future-HVM had been there in my school. They, like me, had simply had no way to engage in that level of value. It's why all the smart boys and girls went far, far away for college. And it's why no HVA (is that a new one? I mean high value adults) were anywhere to be found.

I now live in a place that values intelligence and ambition. Many women also find this problematic because they feel that ambitious men always have other options and therefore won't settle down; however, those women are typically being pickmes. So far, 100% of the time I have seen those men eventually fall madly in love with a woman and quickly marry her if she is being the opposite of a pickme. (And if she wants to get married at all. There are some women who don't, and the man just has to deal.)

jalapenopancakes · 2019-12-06T02:32:29+00:00

Yes, they exist. I have met very few. I managed to marry one.

He was completely off of social media and online dating, never watched porn, worked out all the time listening to podcasts, hunted and fished, and was generally very quiet around most people. He was by no means extroverted, and he was very subtle. But when he wanted something, he fucking went for it: he was very smart, driven, ambitious, and humble. I’ve never met anyone remotely like him in my life. I met him IRL: my department was building software for his.

He grew up religious (he is much less so now) and in a rural area of northern Michigan. He served in the army and was deployed several times. His childhood was a mess, but it gave him a huge sense of responsibility. He became much less religious as an adult. He had a cat (that he’d actually tell people stories about) when I met him. He didn’t have too many friends, but everyone loved him at work. I knew something was pretty HV about him when I saw that he was gathering all of his departments car keys and going out to warm up their cars at the end of the day, every day, in the dead of winter (trust me, this is a huge deal in Michigan).

The way he treated me was unlike any relationship I’ve ever had. It continues into our marriage: we never had a “honeymoon” phase that waned over time... it has been the most intense love I’ve ever felt 100% of the time, from the first date to just finishing up dinner with him a little while ago. He’s treating me to a weekend trip to a place we’ve never been just because he can this weekend: took care of all the planning, money, and stress. It’s absolutely incredible.

ino_y · 2019-12-06T00:25:57+00:00

Yay someone else in Queensland :D

The amount of tradies, FIFO, "fishing camping boating 4WD" and general unwashed scraggly beards in my tinder stack is so sad. The rare decent looking male is "separated" not divorced and still dealing with ex-wife drama or crying about losing all his precious assets, because that's literally the worst thing that can happen to men.

carobonara · 2019-12-06T03:08:56+00:00

Someone else from Queensland! What’s with all the QLD bashing? 😟

It can definitely be hard to find quality men, as is the case anywhere. I live about 5 hours away from Brisbane, but have honestly had more success in my regional town than in the city.

Men in the city wear more suits, gel their hair, talk the talk, but have a lot of trouble walking the walk. Uni in the big city was the worst dating experience of my life - so many LVM posturing as HVM. They take their clothes to their parents’ to be washed, rely on their girlfriends to drive them places, stand by the notion of “coffee dates” and “going dutch”, just... yuck.

That being said! Country/regional men have their share of issues, but I’ve found their values tend to align closer to mine. They take more... pride? in their appearance when they’re off the farm/work, value their independence, appreciate driving their “girls” wherever they want to go, and haven’t dreamt of asking me to pay for anything.

But - their language can need curtailing, they can hold some “interesting” opinions, and they NEED cautious and proper vetting. Like anyone else.

Also: any of these men accept whatever we teach them. That’s a core tenet of what I’ve learnt over the years and from FDS. They accept if we allow them to treat us like trash. They accept if we force them to measure up to our standards. If you’re truly struggling, maybe some time alone to assess your standards and what you truly desire and are willing to vet for in a partner would be prudent! It’s helped exponentially for me 🥰

Just some two cents from a regionally isolated QLD woman!

TransoTheWonderKitty · 2019-12-06T05:40:35+00:00

I found my husband in New Jersey. Only man like him I've ever met, and I did online dating for seven years (with some pauses because most of the men were awful and I needed breaks). His friends joked he'd make someone a great wife someday. He is a good, close listener, he's smart as hell, and he has a fantastic sense of humor. He's gentle and appreciative, comforting and accommodating. He's a scientist and he's not afraid to be wrong. He's a lot like my dad except he's readily emotionally available.

I've kind of aged out of being constantly and immediately down for sex the way I was when we were younger. To get me in the right mood of mind and body for sex, he gives me a 30 to 60 minute massage, usually on the longer side. He takes instructions readily (I did not mind training him in what I like, not one bit) and he's gotten really good over the years. I used to offer to reciprocate the massages but he always declined. He expresses delight to have sex with me, and he's invested in my satisfaction. If we're just going to sleep without sex he cracks my back and gives me a little two-minute mini-massage.

He had only one girlfriend before me. He was alone for quite a long time, he had some issues growing up, and he's said he had a lot of time to think about how he would treat a girlfriend when he found one.

He's a terrific dad, and when I was home with our baby and then our baby + toddler, he took over all the grocery shopping even though I am the stay at home parent, so I never had to struggle through big shoppings with our kiddos in tow. He washes all the laundry because I hate going down in our basement. He makes dinner when I don't feel like it. When one of us desperately wants a nap, the other takes over the parenting to allow for that. He wants to make the most important people close to him happy, and that extends not just to me but also our kids. Many times after a full day at work when they were little he'd set himself to skillfully repairing whatever toy they'd managed to break that day.

We have the same values. So important. He listens to me rant about politics. He's not an online gamer, but he's supportive of me playing WoW because he knows I love it.

He made a good living up until recently when his company did mass layoffs (!). Quite a scary prospect. Into every life a little rain must fall. But I feel so safe with him, I know we're going to be okay. He's my best friend but with chemistry; you couldn't pry me from his side with a crowbar.

Is he perfect? No, of course not. But he's amazing.

So yes, there are HVM out there. One of the things I really like about this community is the commitment to immediately dropping men who are no good (as well as men who are high value but simply not right for you) as soon as possible with zero hesitation. I did that without realizing consciously that that's what I was doing. It worked out.

Ultimately, it's a numbers game. It does sound like you might need to relocate. Love yourself (I'm glad you're realizing you're a whole, vibrant person all on your own), judge the men you meet carefully, and don't give up.

indiaraw · 2019-12-06T00:51:59+00:00

I’m in Sydney and it’s definitely a struggle even here! To be fair, I’m 22 and I’m going to say most “men” around my age might as well mentally be 16 .. sighhh. Not sure if older men are any better but I gotta say the immaturity of the guys I have met has turned me into an incredibly jaded person ahah :( I hope you find some unicorns in Melbourne once you escape QLD!

cassabell1894 · 2019-12-07T09:36:40+00:00

I’m an American in Melbs and fell in love with a trash LVM from Queensland (who moved to Melbourne 😂)The only fortunate thing that came out of that shit show was that I found this subreddit and will now learn how to forever change my ways. There are HVMs in Australia. I’m sure of it.

Title	Are there any HVM?
Author	cassabell1894
Upvotes	34
Comments	49
Date	December 5, 2019 11:15 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e6pi4u/are_there_any_hvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-there-any-hvm.687457 https://theredarchive.com/post/687457

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