Being treated differently as im FOB

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-04-30T02:27:50+00:00

I’m a white chick so I can’t speak to your experience being “FOB” but I can say, please avoid white men with an Asian fetish. If you’re not sure whether he has an Asian fetish, look at him. If he’s a white dude, he has an Asian fetish.

Ok I kid (mostly 😒) but you admit you are new and naive, so seriously I’d just avoid any white guy that seems really eager for now. At least until you get a bit more acclimated to the culture.

mydeepestinnerworks · 2020-04-30T02:26:37+00:00

As someone from another race I don’t even date white or back men because i find they fetishize me the most, and only want me as a trophy to show off to their friends

honeybeeroll · 2020-04-30T03:16:39+00:00

I'm so sorry this has been your experience :(. It's unfortunately been the case for many of my east Asian friends.

my last ex was not east Asian and had a fetish for east Asian women (which I am not). He hadn't dated a lot and had only 1 serious Asian ex, but pretty much all his friends were Asian (many female). Your theory about the guy not being considered attractive by his own race is interesting. My ex had a very contentious relationship w/ people of his own race which gave him very low self esteem. I don't think he had ever dated a woman from his own ethnicity actually.

MissVvvvv · 2020-04-30T09:35:57+00:00

Honestly men fetishise everything. I'm very pale white with red hair - guess what I get all the time? Spent some time in the Middle East - guess what the locals thought? Men are despicable, I think I'm coming to terms with remaining single, seems to be the only option 🤷 Can't tell you what to do, but it would be wise to maintain some distance until you're able to determine if anyone you're dating is actually a decent human being. Good luck sister xx

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-04-30T03:13:46+00:00

I’m asian not fob. If I date someone outside my race (esp if white) I do way more vetting than normal. I dig into their dating history with my own investigation.

bearded_dragonlady · 2020-04-30T06:56:56+00:00

Have they mostly dated FOB asians in the past or US-born?

as i heard so many guys tell me that they like asians as theyre more easy and drama free and does all the cooking and cleaning.

I've dealt with some weirdo's throughout the years but no one has ever said anything remotely like this to me IRL or even through OLD, which has a high percentage of creeps. This sounds like the type of thing losers on niche internet forums say.

curlygirl507 · 2020-04-30T06:24:11+00:00

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this bullshit. If it helps, the majority of men treat all women badly.

I'm white, but have dated a few South Asians. Not all of them just wanted to use me for sex - I learned my lesson from the first one - but that is what most of them want on dating apps, and they expect me to give it to them because the only time they've seen white girls has been in the context of porn or in movies or on TV where they are depicted as being much "looser" than the girls in their countries. Very frustrating because I don't think any of them see me as an actual human.

2020-04-30T09:56:16+00:00

You are completely right. I was friends with one of those men and he was the absolute worst, not to mention fucked up.

He also spoke a lot about how American-Asians were different to 'FOB'. Ignore all white men online and start from there. There are always exceptions, but if he's online he's obviously struggling to find someone IRL and that *can* be a red flag.

weasted_ · 2020-04-30T18:17:10+00:00

I am also an Indian FOB. On one hand I get rejected by Indian and Indian-American men in the US bcs I'm lOwEsT oF tHe pOOl, they're the worst with communication and self-confidence. And I'm fetishized by white men. I don't have much experience with men of other races, but they have been more respectful(idk, they actually may not be??).

sexxxybae · 2020-04-30T19:33:48+00:00

I'm Latina and some guys would be like "oh so you speak Spanish in bed? you say Papi?" It's like nooooo we don't all turn into some Latina caricature in the bedroom. Not that there's anything wrong with the stuff above it's just that they stereotype you and if you don't act like they think you would, you're not Latina enough. Or in your case, Asian enough if you don't do all the housework. Listen to the guy, as soon as he says that stuff to me I'm turned off, I'm me not some stereotype you saw in a movie and now I feel pressured to act that way. so no

Haltthemoon · 2020-04-30T07:35:26+00:00

Depends on where you live. If you live in a large city, the population is very diverse. That means most people have dated multiple people of different ethnicities. In this case, the chances of fetishization is lower in comparison to a less diverse small town.

It is certainly harder to avoid men who have fetishes of certain ethnicities in small towns. Definitely do your diligence in scoping them out. I also don't think the generalization you made regarding 'i make sure that the guy [...] didnt date multiple asians before' is not very wise. If a guy has had multiple relationships with women of a certain ethnicity, it could be helpful he has some understanding and respect for the culture. If a guy has not had long term relationships with anyone of a certain ethnicity, there could be a multitude of reasons. During your vetting process, I'd ask about relationships than general dating.

Quodpot · 2020-04-30T22:42:28+00:00

I'm Asian-American and my experience has been that most guys don't fetishize me for my race (although I have come across it before, but it's usually really obvious pretty fast). I've exclusively dated outside my race (not just white guys, but also Black and Latino. I'm open to dating all races though), and none of them had had Asian girlfriends before me except one Mexican--American dude who I dumped after like 2 weeks when I realized. They were mostly toxic for other reasons though, lol. Then again, my experience is maybe different because I grew up in the States, so it may be that fetishy men realize they can't take advantage of me as much as they would with someone who's not as familiar with the culture

Edit: Sorry I have a different experience? Not sure why I've been downvoted. I'm not saying other people's experiences aren't valid

Title	Being treated differently as im FOB
Author	redfarmmmmm
Upvotes	120
Comments	30
Date	April 30, 2020 1:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gamqja/being_treated_differently_as_im_fob/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/being-treated-differently-as-im-fob.692474 https://theredarchive.com/post/692474

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