Does seeking marriage decrease your chances of ending up with a man who's not serious about committing to you?

08__80 · 2021-08-17T04:03:14+00:00

There's no way I'm going to be able to find the screen caps now because this was over 5+ years ago, but I remember seeing an interaction on OLD that went something like this:

Woman: Did you read my profile?

Scrote: (says scroty thing that indicates that he did not.)

Woman: You should read it.

Scrote: (makes scroty joke and goes off to read it.)

Scrote: LMAO you're crazy, man. You put on your profile that you're looking for marriage? (blah blah blah negging negging)

Woman: I'm here to find a decent man, get married, and have children. If that's not what you're looking for, let's not waste each other's time.

Scrote: (Proceeds to scrotesplain to woman that you can't tell a man you want marriage right off the bat, you two have to get to know each other first, and you can't do that because the word 'marriage' will scare men away.

Woman: That's fine, it will scare away the sort of man I don't want.

Scrote: (scrottoral screeching, more negging, more LMAO and emojis)

Woman: BLOCKS

I don't know if she ever found a husband, but I do know what she didn't find: A scrote.

Sage_Planter · 2021-08-17T04:28:42+00:00

Being upfront with yourself about wanting a serious relationship will help you vet easier. You know what you want, and you know it's not the man who "just wants to chill" or "isn't looking for anything serious" or "wants to see where things go."

hikurangi2019 · 2021-08-17T05:13:19+00:00

Let me preface by saying this is a hyperbole. Dating as a woman feels like:

Me: I want a committed relationship The average male: omg you’re so intense, can’t we just chill? I like to go with the flow. The same average male: I wanna have kids and get married and all that.

Women have been collectively gaslighted to the point that men get away with having their cake and eating it too.

apple_cores · 2021-08-17T04:53:26+00:00

I would say it does slightly decrease your chances of ending up with an f-boy. Marriage is not as expected in our society anymore and there are quite a few men out there who are honest about not wanting it. But I’ve found that usually that means they don’t want to marry you (read: you’re not their dream girl/unicorn) or they simply haven’t gotten being promiscuous/living the single life out of their system. I would say few men don’t actually want marriage or at least they want consistent commitment from a woman. That’s not a good thing and we don’t want causal fwb or to be a 4ever girlfriend.

That being said, unfortunately you are not completely correct in your reasoning however. Some men say they do want marriage and a family but they do NOT plan or care to be committed and faithful to their wives. But they will absolutely marry you for benefits (combined income or access to your money, consistent bangmaid, emotional and physical labor, etc), or because it’s expected of them (pressure from family, culture, religion), because they have no other options and they’re settling for you, or because they’re looking for a caregiver as they get older, etc. Men will marry women they don’t even like - never underestimate that, always vet.

You are wise in your assertion. Having sex, especially for the first time, forms a real bond. Men and women release different hormones during and after sex, and it’s traumatizing for a man to do a 180 after wooing you because they didn’t really like you, they were just horny. Take your time and don’t have sex until it’s safe for you to do so and a man consistently shows you he is serious about you. I have regretted almost ever casual sex encounter and I have regretted having sex too soon with someone I truly liked.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-08-17T05:36:04+00:00

I think your intuition of being very clear about wanting a serious commitment is on the right track. It'll weed out some obvious fbois, but it doesn't guarantee much - the mathematical adage of necessary but not sufficient. Plenty of men marry only to treat their wife poorly.

It's good to be honest with yourself about what you want though, regardless of what you say or signal to someone else. If you're rooted in reality and take your time, it will be obvious how serious a man is about you.

shockingupdate · 2021-08-17T04:24:07+00:00

I’m in my early thirties and in the same boat; I’m new to FDS after a good long pickmeisha run, never wanted to get married in my twenties and am also childfree — but now I only want to date men who are marriage-minded and act like it. My disinterest in commitment comes from the way men have treated me in the past, though if you’re still a virgin I’m assuming you’ve at least somewhat been able to avoid the scrotacity. Good on you! Getting sterilized was a solid move, too.

Wanting marriage does not decrease your chances. At all. Men who want to have a meaningful, lifelong relationship are not in such short supply as LVM would have you believe. A scarcity mindset will only hinder you; dick is abundant and of low value, but there are HVM sprinkled into the dick pool, I promise. They’re out there, if you’re willing to dodge the loud, annoying, manipulative LVM long enough to find one. It’s a lot to ask. But there are plenty of happily married women in this sub who can attest to that!

lucidlotus · 2021-08-17T13:55:58+00:00

Just be aware that there’s also the forever girlfriend. Some men will SAY they want marriage but string a woman along for years, sometimes the rest of her life. So when you find a man who says the right things, there needs to be a reasonable time limit for engagement and marriage to show you that his actions match his words.

idonthavearedditnow · 2021-08-17T13:06:59+00:00

I just wanted to say I agree on all of your points. I try not to overshare so I can see a guy’s intents before I show mine to avoid manipulation. I don’t straight up say I’m looking for marriage as that draws in creepy pick me boys. Although I want marriage with someone, it doesn’t mean I want marriage with everyone. Sex is intiment and I don’t get the casual sex thing.

honeybadgerattitude · 2021-08-17T14:12:08+00:00

I agree with the majority of the comments. It’s a balance and a good vetting strategy as a whole but watch out for the ones that will try and take advantage of that. I was very similar to you when I was younger, I lost my virginity later in life and I used to tell men that I wasn’t interested in casual sex rather than the marriage thing but if they stayed around after the no sex rule the marriage thing came up. It worked until it didn’t and I fell prey to a narcissist who used the marriage promise to string me along for years. We eventually got married and that just meant that I was trapped for him to abuse me. I think the trap to avoid is that once you do have sex and/or get married, you’re already invested and when you’ve waited so long it can be harder to give up on the commitment you’ve put in. Men very often don’t reveal their true motives until after sex or after marriage or even after children. What you need to keep in you is the willingness to get out of there the minute things go wrong, no matter how much of yourself you’ve put into it at that point. It’s not easy. Just being here in FDS gives you the best chance possible though. I just wish I’d had this in my 20s.

Title	Does seeking marriage decrease your chances of ending up with a man who's not serious about committing to you?
Author	questionasker012
Upvotes	139
Comments	30
Date	August 17, 2021 3:55 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p5w8o7/does_seeking_marriage_decrease_your_chances_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/does-seeking-marriage-decrease-your-chances-of.1058349 https://theredarchive.com/post/1058349

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