Even The Small Stuff

aquietsword · 2021-07-31T01:57:57+00:00

Sleeping arrangements always reveal how selfish and childish a man is. My asshole nvx would always crank up the ac at night so he could sleep. I naturally run cold, which he knew, and he never once even offered an extra blanket. In fact he mancried about me "hogging" the blankets in my sleep at one point. (Ladies, if your "problem solver" bf doesn't just solve the damn problem by getting another blanket for himself, he's a dumbass and a scrote). I stayed way longer in that relationship than I ever should have because I was a 🤡 but I should have just left and never looked back lol.

And of course when we were at my place he complained about everything that I didn't have immediate control over, like the actual bed and pillows being uncomfortable for him. He was a huge pice of fucking work who, to no one's surprise, thought way too highly of himself.

button-up · 2021-07-31T02:35:04+00:00

Um once I woke up, opened my eyes to see his fist hovering a few inches from my face. He was sleeping, I woke him up, he told me he was dreaming about fighting someone. I’d been woken up many times before by this restless sleeper’s violent dreams, I was woken up another time seeing stars cause I got hit in the face. Looking back that was a red flag, and tbh the whole relationship was nothing but red flags.

Averyhvw · 2021-07-31T05:22:43+00:00

My ex was a selfish sleeper, took up the whole bed like a starfish. And on top of that, you literally could not wake him up. I don’t understand how he woke up for stuff if I couldn’t wake him by hitting him with a pillow and yelling “wake up!” how could an alarm?

Anyone else ever experienced The Man Who Cannot Be Woken?

dancedancedance7 · 2021-07-31T07:54:01+00:00

Yeah the trick is to notice the small stuff and not let it get to the big stuff... People think I overreact and drop people for absurd reasons but 👀

Betty_Bottle · 2021-07-31T06:14:48+00:00

I have never known a person to turn over in bed so aggressively like my last ex. It would cause the whole mattress to bounce, waking me up.

I have also had the loud snoring and the elbow to the head by another guy but, now I look back, I genuinely think he was doing it on purpose so I would get up and go home despite him asking me to stay over.

mamadgaf · 2021-07-31T14:06:24+00:00

Oh, let’s see.

If we had a fight and I was mad, he told me to sleep on the couch because I was the one with the problem (even though the problem was him). This was part of his argument back to me about “equality” (if we’re equal, why should the man have to sleep on the couch?). 50/50 is a lie.

He snored so loudly that it would keep me up. He didn’t care and wouldn’t do anything about it.

He would also fart so badly it would wake me up. He refused to look into it and adjust his diet even after both of our kids had dairy allergies, he insisted he didn’t. It wasn’t until about a year before we split that a doctor told him to look into an elimination diet that he did anything about it. Guess who has a dairy allergy!! That I had been telling him about for 15 years!! And guess who had to manage all of the elimination diet grocery shopping an food preparations (it sure as hell wasn’t him).

He would set his alarm for an hour before he had to be up, two hours before I had to be up, but wouldn’t hear it go off. It would wake me up and if wake him up, then he’d put it on snooze and repeat this for and HOUR. I was so exhausted. He had no respects for my need for sleep.

He was so abusive overall my anxiety was so high I struggled to go to sleep (it’s called revenge bedtime procrastination and it’s due to not having much control over your day) and he would berate me about not getting enough sleep, yet did NOTHING to help me.

When my oldest was a newborn the baby needed to nurse throughout the night. I went back to work full-time and the baby went to day care where they wouldn’t eat much. I would bring the baby to bed in order to get any sleep at all. My ex-husband thought I should let a 2 month old cry it out and refused to help me. I averaged 4 hours of sleep for over a year because I wouldn’t do it his way so he decided I “had to learn the hard way.” He literally denied me a basic need and berated me over it every morning. And to top it off, because of the abusive household I was raised in, I thought this was normal and stayed for another 12 years and had another kid with him.

Sometimes I weep for my younger self. The amount of abuse I put up with was insane and it was validated by the people closest to me. Because “marriage is hard” and “you have to compromise to make it work” and”too many people don’t take marriage seriously.” The title of “wife” was a big part of my identity (I got married at 24) and I was so judgmental of other couples who couldn’t make it work.

When we separated and I started seeing a new therapist, she was the first to explain to me how abusive he is and I was shocked. Thank Lilith for her because even though my marriage was already over, she really saved me.

katiekat0214 · 2021-07-31T15:05:20+00:00

Yep, LVM first husband one time put his COLD foot between my thighs just to see me jump! He hated cuddling, a deeper symptom of not letting anyone in, due to unresolved childhood trauma and abuse. When we were in the last stages, I remember him saying I only needed a tiny corner of the bed; he was pissed because I was waking up, becoming more and more assertive, and had stopped making myself smaller to fit into his tiny world. I remember saying, "Fuck you," then going to sleep. He had a water bed, which I finally dubbed The Dead Sea, since this guy gave me sex three times in three years. Sleeping arrangements tell a lot.

PinturaMagnifica · 2021-07-31T20:49:08+00:00

One of my NVXs would GRAB me in his sleep. Like, with his hands, grab me so hard that I would get bruises. I would have to almost yell to wake him up. Def was a red flag; he had severe anger issues.

Superb-Cancel9071 · 2021-08-02T01:47:32+00:00

These comments are reminding me why I refuse to share a bed ever again.

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-08-01T10:00:54+00:00

One tried to strangle me in my sleep and pass it off as if I was falling out of bed and he was "saving me". Plus he would always pull his knees up and drive them into the sides of mine while he was sleeping. I had joint pain for years because of this. And he didnt keep his toenails in check so.... Damn mess.

pompommom31 · 2021-07-31T17:22:31+00:00

Yep, my LVM ex “needed” to cuddle me all night despite me telling him I’m a terrible light sleeper and need my space to get a proper night’s sleep. Then when it got so bad I had to start getting up in the middle of the night and move to the spare bed just to sleep, he blamed me for being the one with the sleep problem and how much my moving in the middle of the night made him feel unloved. SMH. The shit I put up with that I’m now realizing were huge red flags into how completely selfish he was with EVERYTHING.
And the funniest part? He fancies himself (and calls himself) “a caretaker”. Scrote, what!? GTFO.

Title	Even The Small Stuff
Author	gamerguuuurl
Upvotes	142
Comments	20
Date	July 30, 2021 11:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ouw2w6/even_the_small_stuff/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/even-the-small-stuff.795725 https://theredarchive.com/post/795725

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