How Being Unassertive Makes You the Bitch

miasmicivyphsyc · 2021-03-06T14:59:19+00:00

Notice how most situations in the workplace are a catch 22 for women. Hell I would argue that everything in life is a catch 22 for women.

Do you want a career? Call prepared to go to school and thousands of dollars of student debt for four years, and still be underpaid compared to your male coworkers. Be prepared to put up with constant sexism and racism if you’re a woman of color. Good luck trying to have kids, because in some countries where there are no workers rights like mine, maternity leave is unpaid and basically pushes you out of the way.

Wanna be a stay at home mom? Be prepared to devote yourself like a slave to a man 24 seven. Of course your husband will always claim that he is too tired from work to take care of the kids so you’ll be scrubbing and cleaning the house constantly. And don’t you dare complain about it or even think about having a maid because you’re not working of course and that’s such a luxury and you have to earn the right to sleep in your own marriage bed without feeling like a Golddigger. And God for bid he leaves you and empties out your joint bank account in which case you were left with nothing, no education and no degree and no job experience so basically a minimum wage job.

Abderral · 2021-03-06T16:32:50+00:00

The most valuable piece of advice I got in my life is "Never suffer in silence for people, they will watch you die and then say you enjoyed it"

2340000 · 2021-03-06T15:19:33+00:00

First, anything a woman does will make her a bi***.

Second, your actions will never dictate the behavior of others. Please recognize that you've been gaslighted into believing the above situations are your fault. They are not. No amount of "sassiness" would make them stop.

Third, you cannot rationalize the irrational. Abusers, harassers, and manipulators KNOW they abuse. But, are you willing to negotiate their terms of abuse? It's important to note that the vast majority of people are cluster b. These types are triggered by their own feelings of inferiority. The reason why your friend is spoken highly of is because they think she's better than them. These types like to test people and those who "pass" their test are envied. Same thing applies to abusive men who desire a woman who "withstands" his abuse with an easy resolve.

My boss was racist - so I thought they'd stop being racist if I asked. My manager yelled, berated, and gaslighted employees - I thought they'd stop if I explained how horrible their behavior was. I thought my ex would stop assaulting me if I asked nicely. Do you see the error there?

Abusers want you to expect them to change. That guy wanted you to preserve his dignity. Your job wanted you to stick it out in a toxic situation. Each scenario, the abuser knows what they can leverage against you. The remedy is to not engage. You're not weak or unassertive. You just need better strategies👌

Gerltofen · 2021-03-06T18:06:09+00:00

I have been raised to be a polite and quiet girl and being hyper sensitive to people's emotion has added to my doormat complex. I noticed that back when I was always nice and a people pleaser, I was teaching others that I had no backbone and they could use me freely for their needs without any complains. That's till when I started being more direct and express my discomfort to them, they would be offended and triggered, like how dare she have a harmless opinion that doesn't align with mine. In comparison to one of my friends, who may I say is terrifyingly blunt and assertive, no matter how many fights and uncomfortable arguments she got into, the same people she fought with would ironically still be in good terms with her and seemingly respect her cause they knew what to expect from her and she always made her boundaries clear and loud for everyone. She is honestly one of the reasons I have become the embodiment of a cold distant Aquarius cause most people will take you for granted even if they are good people themselves.

Spicy-kitty · 2021-03-06T17:11:33+00:00

I've had people get mad at me when i speak up and fight for myself because I'm generally a "good, nice" girl. I don't mean to be a nice girl on purpose, it's just how I was raised.

Ive had people be nasty to me and expect more from me for being smart and nice. But when I've had enough of their shit and speak up they get angry and tell me I'm the problem. And it not necessarily men who mostly do this to me, but other women.

I had a coworker scream at me for ignoring her( I was ignoring her because she is constantly in my ear and always asking me to do something she can do her self). So I yelled at her to calm down. So she screamed at me again and told me I have an attitude. Then she claimed she never screamed at me and I have an agenda against. Crazy bitch, we're"okay" now but the older ladies I have to work with are a pain in the ass.

I notice the older ladies leave alone a younger woman who rarely work with us because she literally just does what she wants and ignores them. But since I actually do my job and am good at it they pester me much more.

Throwawayrightaway28 · 2021-03-06T19:53:58+00:00

So fucking true. The phenomenon reminds me of that Meghan thee Stallion song, “B-I-T-C-H”. It goes, “I’d rather be a b-i-t-c-h, cuz that’s what you’re going to call me when I’m tripping anyway.” You might as well ask for respect and have boundaries up front, because in the end people are still going to call you a bitch when you ask them to meet any kind of standard. No matter how much you give as a woman it is never enough. You might as well put yourself first. People make the standard, great, if they don’t, at least you haven’t worn yourself out working for nothing.

t3ddi · 2021-03-06T19:16:25+00:00

Ugh. So true. Its so frustrating. Switching to a profession that was traditionally a "woman's profession" has made things a little easier.

buzzkillyall · 2021-03-06T22:56:09+00:00

Thank you for this post. I see so much of my own life in it. I didn't have the formed awareness of the big picture, I just knew that I tolerated and endured and forgave for far too long, and in the end, I am the only person that knows all that. The people who I forgave thought of it as their due, and were dramatically indignant and offended when I put my foot down, just as you described. They either forgot about or did not value my patience.

This post helps me to know that there are patterns that can be observed, identified, and corrected, EVEN of my own behavior. I have a habit of only looking back and hating what I put up with, instead of looking forward and knowing what I will never tolerate again. Your post helps to highlight one of my biggest challenges.

randowordgenerator · 2021-03-06T20:12:50+00:00

"How dare you duck when I throw things at you!" (M. Groening)

Title	How Being Unassertive Makes You the Bitch
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	140
Comments	39
Date	March 6, 2021 2:49 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lz31vo/how_being_unassertive_makes_you_the_bitch/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-being-unassertive-makes-you-the-bitch.1191425 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191425

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