How do you get over post-relationship embarrassment?

TheFinalGirl_21 · 2021-03-07T20:29:57+00:00

Forgive yourself. You’ll still cringe a little bit when things hit you years from now, but you got away and learned for the next time. That’s what matters.

souredskittles · 2021-03-07T20:43:11+00:00

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wagonwheel_ · 2021-03-07T20:59:24+00:00

Have empathy for yourself. You didn’t see the red flags that you didn’t know about. If you did know about them, you hadn’t developed the tools to address them. You had this experience and it sounds like you will learn from it. As long as you come out of a situation smarter than you were before, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.

2021-03-07T20:51:09+00:00

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souredskittles · 2021-03-08T01:58:38+00:00

You have to realize that the odds of you dating a pos is really high. And it’s not you’re fault because they are enabled. Also, nothing you could’ve done would’ve made him a better bf.

And lastly, forgive yourself and promise that you’ll never let it happen again, AND MEAN IT.

hm_idunno · 2021-03-08T04:26:00+00:00

It’s almost going to be two years for me and I still feel myself cringing from time to time and replaying the chain of events over and over. The most important thing for me has been realizing 1) it’s not my fault. The way he treated me has nothing to do with me (the way your ex treated you has NOTHING to do with you but everything to do with him. You are worth so much more.) and 2) I wanted to be happy. They took advantage of that. They should be ashamed, not you.

My biggest piece of advice is to let this make you stronger. Push even harder to achieve your goals, to work on yourself. Years will pass by and he’ll be the same stagnating vermin trying to be a parasite to every woman that enters his life while you have leveled up and left that bullshit behind. It’s below you! Don’t be embarrassed. If you knew what his true colors were he would’ve never even been an option. Stay strong!!

PrincessOzPower · 2021-03-07T23:17:42+00:00

To be honest - its really hard. To have such an eye opening moment. Its hard to excuse the long term experience of your closed eyes and that can't be gotten over in the short term.

Does that make sense? So its going to be normal for you to feel like this for a little while, as you slowly unpack and recall the duration all of his crap.

But look at each little negative thing you remember about him as a win - because each of those little things will be a red flag for the future!

Mind-Objective · 2021-03-08T02:33:55+00:00

Time, a whole lot of it.

Meet more people, I’m not even taking a pool of potential dates but to put yourself out there.

You know what you need now so that’s good. Better you left two days ago then a couple of years in the future. I hope to see you post flowers and rings you purchase for yourself because you deserve them. Hang in there Queen.

eatmypooamigos · 2021-03-08T05:07:50+00:00

you forgive yourself. Being a loving, good person who sees the best in people is inherently a good trait. And that's you. Not your fault a piece of shit took advantage of it and manipulated so that you didn't know what was happening. You learn, you get stronger and realise that you did the best you knew at the time.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-03-08T10:05:46+00:00

I think when you can talk about it with someone who has been there done that and can relate it the embarrassment transforms into comedy gold. The joke being that these asshole actually exist and how sweet and nieve our past self was trying to get love from all the wrong places. I had pretty much same situation but the nvm ex goes to me "oh your having a teary, im going to let you go and you can call me back when your not crying so i can understand you" then calls back in 5 being like "are you done now?" And I was like "yes, sorry" using every shred of energy i had to push down tears and crying. dont be ashamed of having the capacity to love. Unfortunately malignant narcs live to exploit the most loving people because they are bottomless pit of self hate

MissouriBlue · 2021-03-08T19:57:36+00:00

Once you finally SEE the red flags, it’s impossible to UNSee them.

Just because you didn’t see them initially, is not something to be ashamed of. Guys spend inordinate amounts of energy to present to you a “complete package” that sucks you in. And once you’re hooked, then they drop the veil and you actually get glimpses of the douchebaggery underneath.

My first husband was a NVM. I was young and naive. A dozen years after that divorce, I wanted companionship and my second husband was LVM. I had been lonely and ignored the warning flags.

I’m older and wiser now (and currently in a dying relationship that is turning a OK-VM into a LVM), and I can look back to see all the growth I’ve made over the decades. While I’m not completely polished yet, I am making good progress... LOL!

Don’t be embarrassed over the lessons you’ve learned. Wear that sh*t like a badge!

You are gaining experience and learning what to look for as you go forward!

SpicyScroteRoastery · 2021-03-08T13:38:40+00:00

I agree with the other ladies here about forgiving yourself. I usually treat these things like 'growing pains' to make it more positive for myself. Growing or expanding as a person can be very painful, but it's worth it and you can treat it like a receipt on what you paid for your new-found knowledge and wisdom.

haunted_vcr · 2021-03-09T18:12:23+00:00

Oh the embarrassment is very real. Worse if someone else brings it up later...

But you can move past it, and you're only human, we all make mistakes. Recognize that the fact you find it embarassing means you really really won't do it again.

I think you'd find most of us here have these embarassing memories. Mine was crying over a guy who thought a 30$ shitty gift from Walmart was OK for Christmas (we were dating over a year) and got mad at me when I looked disappointed. Now I get taken on first dates worth 10x that. You've got this.

Davina33 · 2021-03-08T16:31:43+00:00

You've got to be kind to yourself. I can relate, I left my abusive ex three months ago. I just like to remember that I'm only human and so many women have been through what I've been through and what you have been through. The rose tinted spectacles are off now, that's the most important thing. You left him and you should be proud. Focus on your healing. 🤗

Title	How do you get over post-relationship embarrassment?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	161
Comments	18
Date	March 7, 2021 9:23 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lzn741/how_do_you_get_over_postrelationship_embarrassment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-get-over-post-relationship.1191266 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191266

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