How to become more datable and lovable?? For ugly girls?? Tired of the 100th rejection

supremelyparanoid · 2020-03-03T04:11:36+00:00

Don’t let any man make you feel ugly! You are the prize, have you read through the materials in the side bar?

2020-03-03T04:01:57+00:00

I know you won't like this but you DO have to learn to love yourself.

If you don't, you won't be able to recognize love when you get it. Trust me.

For some reason or another, and you can't blame yourself for this because women especially are told we have no value without love or a partner. You are convinced that having a partner will solve all your problems.

But it just won't. I'm sorry. This is going to take a while to set in and accept.

But giving yourself self love is easier and more fulfilling than waiting around hoping someone will love you.

so_crat_ic · 2020-03-03T03:51:07+00:00

Sometimes even pretty people dont find love. Lots and Iean LOTS of people fake love. Because it only lasts for a couple of years before you realize youre stuck with an asshole.

I have some "ugly" or overweight friends that have found guys they like longterm, because they have just accepted themselves for who they are. The guys understand too, they just love their wives' personalities. And have fun together.

Unfortunately I dont have the recipe. I just know their magic isnt based on looks. because if it was, I wouldnt be alone.

GrilledAvocado · 2020-03-03T06:16:53+00:00

You’re here because you want advice yet you’re putting out every excuse in the book not to listen to it. And this whole thing starts with loving who you are. How do you expect to love someone when you can’t do it for yourself. Work on yourself. Get a job. Learn skills. Go to school. Go see a therapist. Be happy with yourself. All cliche but true. No one finds people attractive who have excuses for everything.

7_0f_9 · 2020-03-03T04:04:10+00:00

Lol time is not passing you by girl! You're only 20 💗 my skin was shit too when i was your age. Now people are constantly complimenting me on my skin. You'll get through it!

cherieblosum · 2020-03-03T04:48:42+00:00

Loving yourself isn't a magic bullet that will make other people love you. But I truly believe it is a prerequisite. Confidence attracts people. It also makes them not realize any "flaws" you might have. Because if it doesn't bother you, then why should it bother them?

I was also really insecure at about your age. Especially about my body (I have a congenital deformity). I thought no one could love me because of it. Then, instead of "warning" guys about it and making myself seem insecure, I decided to live my life as if it doesn't bother me. I suddenly saw a change in how guys treated me. They didn't seem to think it was "weird" because I stopped viewing myself as ugly and weird.

ghygdryhchmmmmjj · 2020-03-03T05:15:02+00:00

Everyone wants love. I did too. To the point where I let it blind me and tried my very best to do the pick me dance for a guy that turned out to be a sociopath. Guess what was worse than being alone? Being abused by the psycho. I didn't love myself enough to see the red flags as bad. I saw them as a challenge. I would prove I was the best and not like other girls. I proved it alright, by proveing how desperate i was to the point where a psycho knew he could take advantage. It was actually my pride that bit me in the butt in some ways. I thought I could pretend to be "the best" but I did not love myself. I am very carefully learning the difference between confidence in your list of traits, and truly loving yourself. When you love yourself you dont have time for people who play games with you. You see them as pathetic. I have goals now. Goals that dont have anything to do with looks. You might have those, but what are they for? Here's my main ones. 1.) Continue on my career path because I have a certain salary in mind and I know exactly the title I need to get it. 2.) After that, Find a desirable city to live in and have my own place 3.) Currently, Increasing my weights at the gym. Those are things that makes me feel really good about myself to work on because they get to the root cause of why I'm insecure. I put way too much focus on needing to look perfect in high school because I never thought I'd be successful and looking good was the only thing I could do. Turns all that ever did was attract alot of people who wanted to use me. Now I'm all old an wizened (lol) at 28 and I've com full circle to my kindergarten self, when looks didn't matter. I've decided to attack the root of my insecurities. My. Value. I need to be financially stable to feel like I've made it and dont need to look a certain way. Im not there yet but I'm I'm towards that. So are you, that's great. If you want a treatment thar you need a job to get, then focus on the job. One foot in front of the other.

ninetiesbaby16 · 2020-03-03T05:44:49+00:00

Awww I'm sorry you feel so unloveable, I can guarantee you're not. I'm a bit older than you but I still have never had a romantic relationship and it really cut me up when I was a teenager and in my early twenties. But ever since I changed my top priority from "getting a boyfriend" to "making solid emotionally intimate friendships with women" my self esteem has really shot up. I mean I still have low self esteem but compared to what it was it's a big improvement. And the upside is close friendships between women tend to have a lot of platonic touch, so you can still have cuddles. It really makes a difference when you can invite a female friend over to binge watch shows and cuddle. Or you can try to hug your mum more or other family members :) And I understand that trying to love yourself before you have the internal psychological scaffolding is a big ask, sometimes you need the love of other people to help build that, and to get the love of other people you first have to love them. So ironically loving others might be a bit easier for you at this point even if you can't quite bring yourself to love YOU, so try to concentrate on your relationships with friends and family.

And if you feel that men are targeting you and trying to take advantage of your low self esteem that's really shitty unkind behaviour from them. It might be a good idea to have a "man fast" and keep your distance from them while you work on yourself, and try not to consume any media that's produced by men eg books, youtube videos, media directed at men, lurking reddit subreddits where there are a lot of men etc and focus on media made by and for women. I kind of did that naturally because I was starting to view myself solely through the male gaze and it was having a terrible psychological effect (exactly like this Margaret Atwood quote "Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it’s all a male fantasy: that you’re strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren’t catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you’re unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur."). Unplugging from male centric media and men in general for a time can really help you get out from under the thumb of that little man inside your head.

I hope this is helpful :)

bitch_not_it · 2020-03-03T06:31:10+00:00

This is just like those people who think they need plastic surgery and then they think they can love themselves and other people will love them. And they get it and they feel exactly the same- they hate themselves, all their insecurities remain. They’re the same person oozing off their insecurities that people can sense a mile away, and is the biggest repellent

Like others posts have said you do need to love yourself. Not after you “fix” your acne scars, not after you buy these clothes, not after do this to your hair, and especially not after you get a boyfriend

Focus on things youre good at or challenge yourself to learn something you think you never could do especially if it’s something physical. I think the biggest difference in my life was doing this because it was the first time I realized in my entire life that my body was for something other than to be looked at- to be analyzed to determine sexual potential and nothing else. And it just made me realize what a horrible shame it is that girls are basically brainwashed their entire lives never owning their bodies

To think of it as the enemy if it doesn’t conform to what dipshit men who’d fucked a mailbox with lips painted on it think of it.. their entire value and self esteem hinging on it

I understand as a very young girl starting in your twenties having a boyfriend or being attractive to guys feels like the most important thing in the world but I’m telling you if you depend your happiness, self worth, time, and energy into what guys think of you.. you’re going to be worse off after you “achieve” it. You’ll be vulnerable to being used and hurt, and after wasting so much time in that endless frivolous pursuit you’ll never learn to love yourself or respect yourself enough to not let people (guys) treat you like trash

giveme_FERN · 2020-03-03T06:08:11+00:00

Lol all the pretty girls I know, and models/actresses I looked up to ended up being cheated on and used at some point. Sad. Meanwhile the much more, erm, “humble” girls I knew irl got into real ltr’s.

It’s not always about looks!

jazzyjazcons · 2020-03-03T04:41:37+00:00

I think this question is better suited for r/vindicta maybe? Also, therapy. Also, read the handbook for some insight male logic and how a woman should act and respond.

felixfelicis2014 · 2020-03-03T07:42:57+00:00

You’re so so young honey. Give yourself time and focus on YOU. I know that sounds cliche but I’m 8 years down the track and I just can’t say it enough you will get there. You have to love you first.

blackopium777 · 2020-03-03T13:53:01+00:00

Why do you come here for advice, if you know exactly what we are going to tell you, but you don't like it? You have no other choice but to love yourself. There is absolutely nothing you can do but get therapy and start loving yourself and accept your loneliness. I'm sorry, but that's how it is and if you don't want to hear this or can't accept it, maybe FDS isn't the right place for you, yet.

If you have a problem with your acne scarring, there are quiet some websites where you can ask dermatologists about their advice for free. I would actually rather get a good dermatologist that is specialized in acne and get some advice there, but if it's not possible, there are enough online ressources that you can get from actual professionals.

I can tell you that I do microneedling and use Vit C + Retinol for my acne scarring and it helped alot already. You will always have some scarring left, depending on how deep the scarring goes.

But like I said, "leveling up" physically won't do shit to you, if you don't work on your self-love. Males are the least important thing on this earth and sadly most of them won't give you any love. Don't overromantize and fucking work on yourself. Whining won't get you anywhere.

thepastamancer · 2020-03-03T14:20:08+00:00

You're desperate for love/approval and shitty guys can smell that. This is a horrible position to try to date from. Its makes you easy to manipulate and unattractive to HVMs. Go to therapy, invest in quality platonic friendships, get some fulfilling hobbies, and focus on developing your career, education, and finances. Men will never give you the feeling that you are chasing. I'm not trying to be mean, I wish someone had said this to me earlier in life.

jewdy09 · 2020-03-03T07:46:05+00:00

Have you tried Vitamin C for your acne scars? There are lots of inexpensive options (<$10) and you will see results quickly if topicals can do anything for your skin. Make sure you are wearing sunscreen every day to protect your skin from further damage.

throwaway_46572Kiw · 2020-03-03T08:44:15+00:00

For the acne scars, would you be able to get prescription hydroquinone cream? An 8% strength helped mine improve greatly. And Glass skin serum from Peach and Lily if you're located in the US! Feel free to PM me for more scar care suggestions.

Title	How to become more datable and lovable?? For ugly girls?? Tired of the 100th rejection
Author	Woahlunameditation
Upvotes	8
Comments	21
Date	March 3, 2020 1:53 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fcn6x7/how_to_become_more_datable_and_lovable_for_ugly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-become-more-datable-and-lovable-for-ugly.693350 https://theredarchive.com/post/693350

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