My lvm ex sent me a thoughtful birthday gift today. It has been over 1.5 years since we spilt, but I did get in contact with him at the beginning of lockdown to see if his mum was ok. Maybe I should not have. I knew she was vulnerable and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Apart from that we had not had any contact for 7 months.

I am sure he has narc traits and we split up after he didn't speak to me for 3 weeks and then tried to contact me I didn't bite (we had been going through this cycle for 7 years - Yes I was a massive naive pick me!). He spent the next 7 months trying to get me back but I implemented the 'grey rock' method and spent a lot of time working on and healing myself.

We had a few exchanges after i enquired about how they were coping, until I re-felt how he treated me all those years and lost the enthusiasm for the conversation, so while I replied I backed off and for the last two months I have hardly responded leaving long gaps in between emails and clearly out of politeness only and asking no questions.

About 4 months ago I met someone and things seem to be going well on that he treats me amazingly and is emotionally available etc. However he was lied to a lot by his ex and is somewhat suspicious (I am still vetting him, and we are still in the getting to know one another phase, though we have established exclusivity) about certain things I have told him regarding my love life. I just want to point out however that when he brings things up he is always very respectful, and we have an adult conversation and issue is resolved.

Now today my ex sends me this birthday present (to try and feel me in I suspect) and I want to text him a gracious thanks but don't want to invite further conversation.

I am seeing new guy tonight and I don't know if I should tell him as it's just going to plant seeds of distrust in his mind..? However on our last conversation we said we would be honest with each other and I really do want to be with a person I can share my life with openly.

How the hell do i handle this situation? You ladies always come out with solid advice and I am really hoping you can provide some insight. I need to do what's best for me foremost but also want to consider my budding new relationship..

Update: Thank you for all the advice..It has really helped me gain clarity and perspective on the situation. I am now going to be super wary of this new guy as I certainly trust him less after the way he is carrying on and agree it's probably projection. I am so pleased to have found this community.