I have this manager...

engineergorl · 2021-05-12T02:53:13+00:00

If you can, start looking for your next job and interviewing. DON’T let any of your coworkers or managers know you’re job hunting if you do this. Once you have an offer with a concrete start date, ditch your current job. Btw, whether you give two weeks notice is up to you.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-05-12T03:34:42+00:00

No advice, just an anecdote.

I have a female family member who is in her twenties and unfortunately works with all males. Being the Scrotes that they are, they have fragile egos and automatically disrespected her since day one because she’s a woman. Her response (and I’m not sure it would work for you nor am I advising it) is to get right back their faces. She tells them their plan is “fucking stupid” and no way in hell would she do it that way and they were going to have to fucking wake up and pull their heads out and do it the way she said, etc.

And what do you know. Once she was behaving aggressively and and as rudely as they were, they backed the fuck off and started listening to her. They couldn’t hear her unless she was speaking their language. 🤡

It’s depressing but most men don’t respect women. It’s their default setting.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with him. I have no advice except that next time you’re on a video conference call, I’d record him. (If allowable in your state.) Then take that recording to HR. If their response isn’t swift and satisfactory, start looking elsewhere. That’s sexual harassment and I’d use that term when talking to HR.

Good luck. This just sucks. How do so many COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT males make it into the upper echelons of the workforce? Tell me there’s no patriarchy again. I fucking dare anybody. 😡

vanillakitteh · 2021-05-12T03:19:57+00:00

If you have already brought it up to the people above him twice and they haven't done anything then it's time to start looking for other workplaces. Having a bad manager can make a decent job feel like hell.

Platipus6 · 2021-05-12T03:28:02+00:00

Document everything, including being dismissed by the head bosses. The phrases "Hostile work environment" and "sex-based discrimination and harassment" are your new friends.

What's your goal here though? Do you want him fired, do you want him to get training? Do you want to be moved to a different department? Do you want a new manager? Do you want to quit? Do you want to sue? Are you in a union? What are the labor laws in your state?

He's clearly incapable of acting right on his own.

The head bosses aren't going to do anything on their own, make demands.

"Hello, I have documented fuckfaces behaviour which is causing a hostile work environment to myself and co-worker and reported it to you twice. His behaviour has not improved. You have dismissed me and blamed me. This sex-based harassment will not continue. I would like xyz. I look forward to hearing from you by 4pm today regarding your solutions/agreement" etc etc

shockingupdate · 2021-05-12T04:38:02+00:00

Do we work for the same company? Because I work with a guy who pulls the same stunts.

My manager and I circumvent him every chance we get, going over and around but avoiding calls with him whenever possible. If for some reason I absolutely must get his opinion I’ll make one attempt, document everything he says, and if he’s combative/fussy I’ll go to his manager to get the job done, citing his behavior in the process. Because his manager is a dude I intentionally omit the fact that he only seems to do this when speaking to women; just that he’s refusing to do his job again. (Due to PaSt iNcIDenTs I wouldn’t trust the men on my team to understand overt sexism if it slapped them in the face, so I frame it in digestible, LoGiCaL terms, jic.)

juicy_lime · 2021-05-12T04:45:30+00:00

There's nothing wrong with you that you need to fix to be better. Treat this like a relationship. Your manager is obviously a LVM whose behavior is affecting your health and mental well-being. Do you continue to try and help him improve, keep trying to communicate when he doesn't listen or care? No.

You didn't mention if you're open to finding a new job. Like everyone else in the comments so far, I think you need to leave. I'm also in my 20s and recently went through a short-lived employment situation with LVM children managing the company and decided it wasn't worth any of my energy or effort to teach them how to behave.

Read your contract, read your local labor policies and regulations, figure out what you need to do to get out with the least amount of drama. Document everything and keep personal copies of emails you've sent to the bosses. Communicate only in writing. Send follow-up emails about verbal conversations to capture what was said. They're not going to do any better and you did your part in trying to resolve the issue. If your bosses and manager wanted to do better, they would. Only look out for yourself now.

Crafty_Collar8183 · 2021-05-12T06:28:26+00:00

Don't write them on your resume. In the interview just bring up you're looking for something different. Vet your interviewer as well. We live in a mediocre world run by mediocre people.

Also, if I were you I'd give them no notice. They don't respect you and giving notice is a something thoughtful. Leaving will allow you space and time to focus on your job search and healing.

moonartemis1989 · 2021-05-12T11:15:47+00:00

tell him he is being way too emotional

sleutherino · 2021-05-12T07:19:04+00:00

They throw moody fits over the smallest slights to their egos, yet we're supposedly the emotional gender.

I completely understand how this is making you feel, like you've done something wrong, but I promise you haven't. It's not your fault that this man child gets huffy and pouty whenever he's wrong, that's his own fault. His refusal to accept being wrong is toxic.

If social norms were set back 100 years, you wouldn't be able to speak out at all. Don't silence yourself because he's a crybaby. That's likely his end goal, to make you shup up. Don't give him that. He's just a big brat, and we don't reward bratty behaviour.

Honestly though, start looking for other jobs discreetly. Just so that if management continues twiddling their thumbs instead of addressing the problem, you aren't stuck there to deal with this man child.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-05-12T10:31:37+00:00

Get away from him. Lateral shift or a new job.

He'll be useless as a manager reference and he will never promote you, so you need to skillmaxx that job and then dump it.

yfunk3 · 2021-05-12T03:46:56+00:00

Yeah. I learned my boss can't take it, either. So I just keep my mouth shut and just collect my famn paycheck while just concentrating on my job. I just bitch and commisserate with the other admin who understands what I have to deal with. 😂

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-05-12T12:30:41+00:00

I have this problem at work. I disagreed with one of the higher ups on how something that I would be working on should be done and suggested a better and more efficient way to do it. The next week I was called into a meeting with HR to discuss my "failure to take direction." He claimed that I had refused to do a task and told HR that it made him very uncomfortable. I doubt it since the whole interaction took place over Slack! Since then he has been openly rude to me and critical of everything I do at work. I make sure all our communications include a third party and triple check that everything is correct. It's exhausting and I'm actively looking for a new job at this point to get away from him.

AriaLuz · 2021-05-12T13:23:57+00:00

I would start looking for a different employment option. He seems to be under the impression that a woman should always be “agreeable and never question him”

FDSGYARU · 2021-05-12T16:35:50+00:00

Sadly kept on having this similar experience.

Ended up quitting and starting my own company.

Champagne_bitch · 2021-05-13T02:35:31+00:00

I am in the same boat. But, I am now bullied for calling out his sexist remark. Everyday at work used to be painful but hey. Been singled out everytime I work and told off for doing my job and talked to rudely. And I kinda get used to it and actually able to do my job faster. Weird huh? At this point I just pretend that I am deaf.

Title	I have this manager...
Author	CrepeCraze
Upvotes	133
Comments	24
Date	May 12, 2021 1:52 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nadml9/i_have_this_manager/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-have-this-manager.757573 https://theredarchive.com/post/757573

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