I Think I'm Going to Start Going on Dates w/Myself

ponchoacademy · 2019-11-23T07:13:05+00:00

I do it all the time... Restaurant I'm dying to try? I go. Band I want to see? I'll go. Movie I'm excited about? I'm there.

When I was younger, there was a band playing that I was super excited about... I had no one to go with but bought a ticket. At the last minute, all dressed and about to head out I sat on the couch and thought of how pathetic it was that I was going to a concert by myself.

The next morning I kicked myself so hard, I was mad as hell... Just got to thinking of all the things I've been waiting to do cause it would be such a great date idea and decided screw that.

Nowadays I don't hesitate at all... Even if I'm with someone and I want to do something, if they're not into it I'm like okay no prob! And I go without them. Never letting anyone, or the lack of having someone stop me from doing things I enjoy. Life is way too short for all that...

Bonus.. because I'm alone I tend to actually talk to and meet other people there who are into the same thing I am, whatever it may be. Great way to organically meet friends and prospective guys since my attention isn't wrapped up with someone I came with.

ino_y · 2019-11-23T05:34:03+00:00

You're worth self-care and compassion, these sound like great activities :)

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2019-11-23T05:59:52+00:00

I think it's a great idea to take yourself out. There's nothing wrong with exploring new experiences, sensations, places, etc on your own. Personally, I love doing things like that solo. I get to enjoy the experience on my own terms without worrying if someone else will be bored or want to leave. I know a lot of people get self conscious about, say, going to eat in a restaurant alone, but I LOVE it. I take a book and immerse myself in it and eat good food at the same time, it's great. I have many pleasant memories of afternoons spent lingering in various cafes and restaurants with a good book.

indiaraw · 2019-11-23T08:48:15+00:00

Sounds weird , but I like having earphones in in public so it looks like I’m on the phone having a conversation... when actually I’m just chatting to myself out loud! I think having a monologue with yourself is actually not a bad thing ... talking to yourself in third person almost. I’m a very expressive person so being able to “talk” in public, doing that in a way that wouldn’t have me perceived as a crazy person haha .. is actually cool & works for me :)

s_slayer · 2019-11-23T13:44:35+00:00

I just dated myself last night! Went for a burger and a beer at a local restaurant. Thoroughly enjoyed my own company. I’ve been going places alone since I was a teenager. It took guts when I was a teen but I did it. I have friends but I’m also very independent and spontaneous. You learn that asking your friends to do something spur of the moment usually doesn’t pan out so I just do what I feel like on my own. I have a trip booked too, going alone. Super excited about it!

Hell, traveling alone to a foreign country is how I met my (ex) husband of ten years (also the father of my two kids). Those first few years of my life with him were incredible, the stuff of fairy tales. I would have missed out on so much in life if I hadn’t been willing to do things solo. The things I miss are hiking and stuff I’d never do alone for safety reasons, but other than those things I’m all for getting out there in the world with or without others.

As far as traveling goes, I did meet up with another solo traveler via Lonely Planet forums, then after I met my husband-to-be after only a few days in that country, she tagged along with us for awhile. Bit awkward but I wanted her to be safe, and he knew everywhere to go and what to do so it was good for her too. It was just strange for her because we were all over each other haha. We met other women traveling alone too. It’s a thing, and I highly recommend it. You can easily find other women on these travel forums to travel with once you get to your destination.

Tons of women “go their own way” and still keep their hearts open to love. I’m still friends with that woman too, 18 years later! My ex husband is a good father and I chose wisely that way. I’m not sure how my life would have panned out had I been afraid to just do things on my own. Put yourself out there in the world, it’s the only way to live in my opinion.

Blackishcat27 · 2019-11-23T08:51:56+00:00

There's nothing at all pathetic about this. You have to be comfortable with you before you can expect to find a healthy relationship.

clariondip · 2019-11-23T13:09:59+00:00

It's not sad at all! It's the healthiest thing you can do!

I shared this in another thread:

You don't have to resign to being 'okay' with being single. We are social creatures and it's natural to want close relationships. But maybe it helps to think of it this way: being alone and being in a relationship don't have to be two opposite states. I behave the same no matter which state I'm in. I talked in another thread about filling your own cup continuously and letting other people have only the overflow, no matter whether they are family, friends or lovers. No matter how happy my partnership, it will never involve my partner drinking directly from my cup. This idea was from Kahlil Gibran's beautiful poem on marriage:

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

My way of applying this is my life is to hold on to my own presence, which is the only thing in my life that never changes.

So when I cook a delicious meal it is for my pleasure first, and I'm happy to share it with him but I'd cook it even if I was alone.

When I dance it is to enjoy myself and feel beautiful and creative; if he wants to be mesmerized it's fine by me but I'd dance even if he wasn't there.

I'm perfectly content to sit in an empty room alone because I'm with my favorite person :-)

CSQUITO · 2019-11-23T14:37:39+00:00

Date your friends too! Me and my friends always go to fancy restaurants to chit chat (whenever we’re not broke, since we’re students), but it’s so fun to treat yourself

Ms_Tilly · 2019-11-23T15:59:59+00:00

Definitely do this! I've been doing this for years! I even take myself on nice vacations ALONE. I definitely don't need a man and neither do you;)

dackaroo · 2019-11-23T23:19:28+00:00

Go out and do stuff you like, wear all your favorite stuff.

Treat yourself well, and never accept less from a man.

I met my last man on one of my self-dates.

grimreapersdtr · 2019-11-24T01:06:02+00:00

Might as well go on your own and do things you want to do. You might get some weird looks, but fuck them. It also helps you develop life experience, which is sometimes something you are deprived of while growing up, particularly if your home life is suffocating.

beeroqueen · 2019-11-24T04:06:08+00:00

I tend to have a list of fun date ideas to go on/do, but recently my BF just broke up with me and I don’t see myself wanting to date any time soon because reasons. I have thought of this as well and was hesitant, but I started doing more things alone recently and it’s great. Life is too short to wait on someone else to do things with 🙃

Title	I Think I'm Going to Start Going on Dates w/Myself
Author	HarleyTye
Upvotes	64
Comments	14
Date	November 23, 2019 2:17 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e0bj0r/i_think_im_going_to_start_going_on_dates_wmyself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-think-im-going-to-start-going-on-dates-wmyself.688043 https://theredarchive.com/post/688043

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