I‘m afraid my hatred will keep me from forming meaningful relationships with men

curlygirl507 · 2020-02-24T01:19:40+00:00

Just wait til there's no more projection and they're all just your hated enemies - not that I would know anything about that feeling.

shade_of_ara · 2020-02-24T03:48:55+00:00

Earlier in my life, I realized almost all of my sexual and romantic "attraction" was just wishful thinking and I was totally barking up the wrong tree.

I could be totally off-base, but your post kind of sounds like what happens when someone is really deep in the closet.

It's common to end up trying really hard and projecting all your hopes onto them when you really want to want them, but you just don't.

Then you end up building this aesthetic you're attracted to, but it's really more about the story of what all those things mean, the life you want, than actual attraction.

Then occasionally you have moments of semi-clarity where you know you don't like them, but you're supposed to. So you feel obligated to like them, and it all comes out as bitter resentment.

Like I said, could be totally off-base and you're just traumatized by shitty men. But you can imagine yourself with women but not men, and that can be a pretty big sign of what's in your heart.

nani_poo · 2020-02-24T01:52:54+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from. Back when I used to date men I fantasized a version of them only being amazing. But I never pictured a family, living together, making them soup when they’re sick, being in comfortable silence together- I liked the idea of men, but not being with them.

Why it’s so easy to love your best friend is because you don’t put pressure on the situation. They have no obligation to be there for you. So, the fact that they are means that they truly care for your well being. Sometimes we date people but never form a friendship with that person. We separate relationships & friendships which I think is the reason we never form intimate passionate relationships.

wildcardwitch · 2020-02-24T03:57:42+00:00

"I find it difficult to talk to them if I'm not attracted to them"

This is straight from the male mind about women 😅

But yeah, if you want a life partner who is male, this is a problem. I suggest therapy as a required first step.

AntiCircles · 2020-02-24T04:27:12+00:00

Don't be afraid be glad. They aren't worth it

ReignRain95 · 2020-02-24T03:44:08+00:00

i’ve always thought of men to be very simple minded if that makes sense? like they dont think anything through properly and just run on their instincts in that moment lol

randomgirlimok · 2020-02-24T05:02:25+00:00

I think that men can have real feelings, but ultimately these feelings completely revolve around sex.

“I love my wife...but I need her to give me more sex”

darkhorse8419 · 2020-02-24T06:53:46+00:00

I know what you mean. I feel the same way and it doesn’t make us lesbians. Friendships with women are based on real genuine caring and emotion. Our sisters are our sisters because we truly love them as people. Women take the time to know and truly care about their friends. Men are more based. They don’t have genuine and meaningful connections with each other. Their friendships with each other are based on sports, cars, money, using and abusing women. very superficial things. They don’t support each other. They gaslight each other by making fun of the rare genuine emotions they do have. This is most men. We know as women that men will pump and dump up until their thirties, and then settle for the prettiest bangmommy he can display to his friends. We know that unlike women, a man goes into a relationship to get out of it what he needs and wants for himself. A man will unload emotionally onto a woman, and then rolls his eyes when she wants to complain. We know they see us as less intelligent, less rational, as mere objects. There eyes will wander at the first sign of discontent, boredom, and sickness. We know having them in our life increases our chances of death. The odds of finding a man who at the very least, will help with the household duties and won’t cheat are slim.

2020-02-24T19:25:32+00:00

Men are human, very human. Not an alien species. The reason you feel so duped and switch back and forth between idealization and dislike is because you've been fed lies all your life so when the reality doesn't live up to those lies, you feel a ton of "hatred" and resentment.

Men are not a different species, but they are NOT the same as women. Do not project positive traits onto them while ignoring the rest. See them for who and what they are. All the positives and negatives. Learn to view the world and the people in it, especially men, realistically. They have feelings. But ultimately, their goal is different than ours. Their motivations are different, but there are overlaps. The "overlap" is where magic can happen.

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-02-24T01:34:45+00:00

Do you have any male friends or family members that you love and enjoy spending time with?

keyrArA · 2020-02-24T13:32:36+00:00

I am on your side. I understand your feelings and I share many sentiments. I think you’re in a very negative head space. You don’t need a forum, you need counseling.

yumiia · 2020-02-24T06:13:06+00:00

Are you 100% sure you’re not bisexual or lesbian? I think you should definitely consider this as well.

ivy176 · 2020-02-24T09:09:21+00:00

I'd feel the same way if I didn't get with my partner. I've only had bad experiences with men before that.

Title	I‘m afraid my hatred will keep me from forming meaningful relationships with men
Author	sleeparalyzis
Upvotes	42
Comments	17
Date	February 24, 2020 12:11 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f8iieb/im_afraid_my_hatred_will_keep_me_from_forming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-afraid-my-hatred-will-keep-me-from-forming.693530 https://theredarchive.com/post/693530

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