I’m curious what’s everyone’s thoughts on cohabitation?

plutunic · 2019-12-19T06:00:14+00:00

[deleted]

plutunic · 2019-12-19T06:21:55+00:00

I think it could work if the circumstances are right. I moved in with my husband early on when we were dating BUT we were crystal clear with our expectations for the relationship and each other. We knew we were going to get married and planned our time and finances accordingly. For example, we had a financial plan to afford our new furniture, engagement ring and wedding since we weren’t getting any help from parents.

When I moved in I had something realistic to look forward to and knew that if x, y and z didn’t happen, I’d bounce. I think that’s the major key. You have to be sure that it’s going somewhere. If he asks you to move in but flinches at the idea of marriage. Pass. If you’re living together and “someday” you’re going to get engaged, pass. You need commitment backed by actions.

Living with people is a lot of fucking work so if you’re going to live with a significant other make sure he’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Mollzor · 2019-12-19T09:13:19+00:00

I've lived with several boyfriends (one at a time lol) and I am NEVER going to live with one again, unless they are more neat than me.

Ideal situation would be similar to Frida Kahlo, two houses with a bridge between. Except not with a total asshole.

alivebut-justbarely · 2019-12-19T05:42:00+00:00

Only if you're engaged with a date set. Otherwise you're the bangmaid. I know so many women who cohabitated and still have no ring. And once you're living with him it will be harder to leave if he never actually commits to anything beyond living together.

Blackishcat27 · 2019-12-19T17:52:38+00:00

I have mixed feelings about it. Before I met my now husband I was engaged and moved in with the guy. I'm so so glad I moved in with him because I learned very very quickly just how miserable I would be married to him. I'm so grateful that we never got married and that I didn't waste years and years of my life.

9penguin · 2019-12-19T07:58:38+00:00

It's useful to know what he's going to be like living with you without the actual marriage. It breaks relationship often because it opens the eyes of so many women what a slob he really is and they can't be married to that. I'll be okay if he signs a 1 year lease and I have the right to kick him out if he doesn't contribute and I don't want to continue our relationship. If he passes one year without me being a nag or resentful of him I'll consider marriage.

w0manifest · 2019-12-19T10:17:23+00:00

only if he's paying ALL the bills

Justablackcat · 2019-12-19T14:59:33+00:00

If you want to never have a peaceful space where you can be happy again, then it's a great idea.

-sweetwater- · 2019-12-19T23:22:54+00:00

Never again unless we are engaged. I have my own life and if a man wants to be a part of it he's going to need to show that he's serious and not just trying to kick his dirty ass feet up on my couch.

Scotsburd · 2019-12-19T18:08:45+00:00

If you have a wedding date, fine. Otherwise no.

_fishoutofwater_ · 2019-12-19T18:30:52+00:00

Research shows that couples that live together before they get married are more likely to have their marriages fall apart. Would not recommend.

Ishouldbewriting83 · 2019-12-19T22:48:18+00:00

I may be coming from different circumstances, but I told my husband that I wouldn't marry him until we had lived together for at least a year. My ex-husband was abusive, and we never lived together first because his family is Catholic and "wouldn't approve."🙄 He was an abusive, controlling narcissist who basically used me as a glorified maid (I was smart enough to never have kids with him because even though I stayed too long, I just knew it wouldn't be right). I don't think he could have hid his true nature for long had we lived together, and it would have been easier to leave had we not been married.

I can understand not wanting to be used, but living together is an audition for both people. Sunken cost fallacy hits hard after you are married, and it's not as easy to walk away. If you move in together, make sure you have a way to leave as soon as you are unhappy. Don't combine finances and don't alter your career goals at all.

nosynobody · 2019-12-19T16:55:43+00:00

Yes after there is a ring on it. Otherwise no way jose

Title	I’m curious what’s everyone’s thoughts on cohabitation?
Author	yetiMeow
Upvotes	26
Comments	22
Date	December 19, 2019 4:29 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eco4fp/im_curious_whats_everyones_thoughts_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-curious-whats-everyones-thoughts-on.686632 https://theredarchive.com/post/686632

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