I’m really curious - does having higher smv gives you upper hand in relationship ?

penelopekitty · 2020-01-01T12:04:08+00:00

I don't think it gives women the upper hand in the long run. Look at some of the most beautiful and wealthy women in Hollywood, models and actresses past and present. Christie Brinkley, Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston and so many more. Most of them were cheated on, lied to, and some were called crazy in the press.

Men are men, They will always revert to their base level even if they might keep up an act with another woman for a while.

Remember, you are not the problem. Even if you were a pickmeisha your motives were not bad, you didn't try to deceive or hurt anyone. All most women want is a decent relationship with a man who loves and respects them. Sadly, men cannot say the same.

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2020-01-01T12:44:55+00:00

Conventional beauty goes a long way with men but it doesn't guarantee anything, either. For example, beautiful women get cheated on ALL THE TIME. Fucking Beyonce got cheated on! By ugly ass Jay Z! Zayn cheated on Gigi Hadid on the regular (though I suppose you could argue she cheated on him just as much, if you believe the rumours).

Because men see women as objects and not as people they will continue to treat women like shit even if she's beautiful.

eru378 · 2020-01-01T13:15:42+00:00

You're stuck in a dead-end mindset. Using concepts like "sexual market value", desperately wanting to be prettier, enviously focusing on how men treat beautiful women - give it all up. You need to break out of this way of thinking. You have been taught all your life to think this way and it's hard to let it go, but you'll end up in a very bad place if you keep going like this.

You've been through a horrible experience and I'm so sorry. Your ex boyfriend sounds like a truly awful person. To learn from this and move past it, though, you've got to alter your outlook. Many beautiful women are treated like shit by men and many plain women end up in loving healthy relationships, and vice versa. Looks aren't irrelevant, sure, but they are not the be all and end all. Instead, think about quality and deeper meaning in dating and relationships. FDS is about realising that that you, right now, as you are, deserve respectful and caring treatment when it comes to dating and relationships, regardless of how beautiful you may or may not be. A "high value man" isn't the richest and most handsome man out there - he's the man who values you, is genuinely interested in you, respects you, dates you with great enthusiasm and effort. You don't need to be beautiful to deserve this and to get it. Having high "SMV" might get a woman lots of male attention, but 99% of that attention will be worthless low value crap, because the majority of men are simply like that.

Your ex was showing affection to thin pretty women, but he was also treating you poorly - not a quality man and not someone you actually want attention from. Some men do chase women just for their looks, yes. They're not the kind of men worth your time. A man treating a woman well simply because she's hot is not high value behaviour, and it will no doubt fade with time or last just until an even hotter woman comes along. You need to build up the self-confidence to centre yourself when it comes to dating - instead of worrying about being attractive enough for men, ask what men need to do to be worthy of your time and energy. If you buy into all this stuff about needing to be wildly beautiful to get a man, you've already lost.

Saitschik · 2020-01-01T11:44:20+00:00

Some men behave like submissive puppies when they see model-like beautiful women and jump through hoops eager to please. But once they are able to obtain such a woman their best behavior vanishs quickly. Their ego is so blown that they think they could get a model again without problems. Usually its rude awakening for them once back on the market.

If a man has a nasty personality he is never able to hide it long-term. Once in a relationship his true colors will shine through no matter how HV/beautiful the woman is.

It's not news but ultimately how you get treated by others, men in particular, comes down to your self-respect and what you allow. It has very little to do with looks.

And the upper hand has the person with less feelings. Often it is the one with objectively higher value but not always. And sometimes the tables turn.

rftw2013 · 2020-01-01T13:43:41+00:00

[deleted]

Desperate-Nectarine · 2020-01-01T20:21:10+00:00

As someone with some experience, let me tell you what I’ve learned.

Being beautiful doesn’t get you much. It won’t guarantee that men treat you well. It may make them want to be with you but that’s it. You’ll still attract mostly assholes, but in a way it’s even worse because you will attract guys who are literally ONLY interested in you for your looks, but they’ll try to hide it.

The thing that gets you treated well is your ability to respect yourself and to set boundaries. Your ability to weed out the trash. Knowing your worth and refusing to accept less than you deserve. Requiring commitment and love from a man BEFORE you give him commitment and love.

I used to get treated like absolute garbage by guys. Now I’m engaged to a hot engineer who loves me and treats me very well, better than anyone else has. My looks haven’t changed significantly in any of this time. It’s not that I got lucky with him either by him just being a good guy who always treats women well; I know that before we met he used to have fwbs, some of whom really wanted to date him but he just wanted sex. Also he had a forever gf when he was younger who lived with him for years and he held marriage over her head and never proposed although he did keep telling her he would eventually, until she finally gave up and left him. But he treats me well, and actually did propose to me within a year of dating, and set a date for the marriage right away, because I set really good boundaries and basically told him what I wanted, what my timeline was, what order I wanted things to happen and made it very clear that if it didn’t go the way I wanted, I was prepared to walk away. Maybe that sounds harsh but you really have to spell it out for them. If you’re interested in a guy and he wants to date you, tell him what you want out of the relationship, and if he doesn’t give it to you, leave and find someone who will.

soxychamp · 2020-01-01T16:12:48+00:00

I love what the other commenters have contributed so far! Basically just want to echo some of them by replying directly to your title:

You don’t need an upper hand cos you are not a player in the competition, you are the prize. Heck, you are the competition itself, you make the rules and you choose the players. Men compete to win you. They should be the ones worrying about having the upper hand and other shit :)

It sucks that you had to cross paths with your shitty ex. What he did is not about you at all, he’s a shitty person anyway to have done what he did, to someone who was true to him. Think of it as, the trash took itself out, cos in the bigger picture, that’s what’s really happened. The other woman got a bag of trash, if anything you should feel sorry for her hahaha

Few_Reputation · 2020-01-01T16:40:14+00:00

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blackopium777 · 2020-01-01T14:06:14+00:00

Being OBSESSED with how you or others look like will turn you into a bitter person. Some of the ugliest women I know have amazing HVM partners. Men will obviously go for women that look good, but HVM will often rather stay with someone who has more than their beauty.

When I met my husband, he didn't know how I look like. At all. We were talking about a thing online, without having pictures or something there. He told me, when we started dating, that he was actually thinking that I was unattractive and fat, because "beautiful girls tend to do other things than writing on forums online". He still fell in love with me. We skyped some time later and he couldn't see much of me, lighting was bad af, but he didn't mind. He still did a shitton to impress a girl, he couldn't clearly "rate" look-wise. He bought me and my parents presents, drove around 8 hours to see me for the first time, he even planned the whole first date with dinner and all.

So I don't really think that being extra attractive will reward you with a HVM. If anything, it's not being a doormat and pickmeisha and having a strong character that doesn't revolve around looking good only.

RiteWriter · 2020-01-04T23:53:25+00:00

Reading some things here makes me wonder about letting go of the one guy who could be a hvm but I’ve always just felt comfortable with him(2.5 yr relationship 3 yrs ago)—I want passion in sex and love and for us to both achieve our goals in life and inspire each other as individuals and partners but apparently that’s too much to ask for. My hvm didn’t have a backbone with his family and I can easily fall into a caretaker/empath role and lose myself in that “love.” I’m anxious and avoidant—clingy turns me off ...but I fall for the trap of guys who are great at first and then I wait around. :-( no more in 2020. The hvm without a backbone (lvm?) I had to tell him twice that it was a no—I want him to find happiness but I’m not it.

Title	I’m really curious - does having higher smv gives you upper hand in relationship ?
Author	Few_Reputation
Upvotes	37
Comments	27
Date	January 1, 2020 10:51 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eih61n/im_really_curious_does_having_higher_smv_gives/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-really-curious-does-having-higher-smv-gives-you.694721 https://theredarchive.com/post/694721

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