Ladies, don't be modest.

balladwilds · 2020-02-09T14:21:16+00:00

yes don't be modest be honest !

SarcasmSlide · 2020-02-09T14:59:00+00:00

No is a complete sentence.

smittydoodle · 2020-02-09T15:16:10+00:00

I think this is passivity more than modesty. Be assertive!

aqua_not_capri · 2020-02-09T15:40:54+00:00

Don't be agreeable!

EmotionalClimate · 2020-02-09T17:20:22+00:00

You wouldn't put up with this crap with your friends, family, or coworkers. I'll ALWAYS speak up against any plans I don't like lol.

Why the hell are you putting up with crap with a total stranger who has done nothing to earn your time?

freerollerskates · 2020-02-09T18:57:53+00:00

When I was about 18 I had a really amazing music teacher who coached us for performances. One of the most valuable pieces of advice for confidence that she gave me is that if someone gives you a compliment, you can just say "thank you." You don't have to return it, or be self-deprecating, literally just say thank you.

level_up_always · 2020-02-09T18:42:52+00:00

Why Men Love Bitches in a nutshell

RobotAmerican · 2020-02-09T18:34:03+00:00

This is something that I'm working harder on, thanks to FDS: learning to express disappointment and ask for better, instead of being indifferent or repressed. My HVM is encouraging of it as well, because he wants to be better and wants a HVW who expects better.

janeaustenfan99 · 2020-02-09T20:03:29+00:00

Going for a walk isn’t a real date. Just say no.

mountainsbythesea · 2020-02-09T14:38:09+00:00

I've just started doing this a few days ago and I am so relieved. I have no idea how much energy I was wasting and for what?

I would add: don't participate in conversations that don't interest you or that bother you.

noxy13 · 2020-02-10T14:42:00+00:00

This is excellent. I want to add: don't say "sorry." I don't mean don't apologize when you've done something wrong - obviously, everyone should know to do that. I mean, don't apologize when you express a preference; don't apologize when they violate a boundary and you object; don't apologize when you had to go do something so didn't get to their text until later; don't apologize when you have constraints and can't get together the minute they want to. I've been making a conscious effort to remove that from my interactions. I've been so conditioned to smooth things over, soften how I come across, not be "difficult" or intimidating. Here is what I have found happens when I stop apologizing: nothing. No one is "mad" at me (and if they are, I see that red flag and gave noted it), no one is hurt, I haven't "ruined" anything. Nope. Only thing tgst has happened is that I establish boundaries and they know to observe them. I feel good, and I am authentic. I am also more at ease because I have not allowed myself to be compromised, so I am stronger and clearer about my own needs rather than falling into pickme-ism or turning into the chaser.

Outcome? Positive. Men (decent ones) respect it. And if they don't, they are dust, and I'm not worried about letting it go.

SslimReaperr · 2020-02-09T19:18:44+00:00

Why is it so hard though? Does it become easier with practice? I feel so “pushy” or like I’m doing something wrong when I demand my way

luvzslolaz · 2020-02-10T01:36:50+00:00

I feel so stupid because my ex used to call me "humble" i thought it was a damn compliment

Maxstrongarm451 · 2020-02-09T18:55:39+00:00

I totally agree with everything, except the first one... like if someone invites you to their house, makes a lovely dinner, and you don’t like something, it doesn’t mater what you’ve got between your legs - it’s still incredibly rude to straight up be an ass.

Title	Ladies, don't be modest.
Author	Parking-Act
Upvotes	362
Comments	28
Date	February 9, 2020 1:40 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f18r12/ladies_dont_be_modest/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ladies-dont-be-modest.693954 https://theredarchive.com/post/693954

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