Little victories

postmodernistweasel · 2020-05-25T08:04:23+00:00

I've made a lot of changes to my habits, but most importantly had a huge mind-set shift. I stopped self-deprecating , especially where men are concerned. Used to always answer a compliment with a negative comment about my body. Now I thank them with an 'I agree' sort of tone. And never say anything negative about myself to them. I don't fret about how much a guy texts me etc. If I start feeling insecure or obsessive I throw my energy into my own interests and push guys out of my mind. I've been working out more regularly and keeping a good routine around housework and outstanding DIY jobs - generally making huge progress on fighting my depression related motivation problems. I've started investing in my looks, buying better products and making time for skin and body care. When I really can't manage anything else I am readiing quality literature or learning based material rather than binging netflix. I don't see being single as a negative thing any more.

Moira_Spice · 2020-05-25T07:44:18+00:00

I read Why Men Love Bitches, after seeing it in the recommended book list, and I've asserted myself much MUCH more with my family. I don't let bullshit pass, and I do feel more assured in my stuff.

ello-motto · 2020-05-25T13:05:21+00:00

OMG can this be a weekly thread?! I would love to see this.

I stood my foot down against a LVM situation with a family member. That person hurt his SO in the heat of an argument and hasn't apologised for it. Sadly, I think my old Pickmeisha self would have tried to find an explaination to why they did that in the heat of the moment and tell them not to do it again, but this week I've held firm in my resolution, stood up for the SO and supported her by not minimising what happened to her and figuring out what to do next.

It's been really challenging, because no one wants to see a change in the family dynamic, but I'm trying my best to stay strong and find a path of self-respect, boundaries and peace.

Neorago · 2020-05-25T08:05:09+00:00

Let go my ex who was stringing me along for his ego, dropping men at the first sign of disrespect by adopting an "abundance" mindset (there are a lot of people out there so I don't need to keep hold of one person that treats me like crap)

BerryCocoLove · 2020-05-25T12:22:08+00:00

I’ve been practicing having an abundance mindset in dating as well as other areas of my life. I stopped keeping in contact with my LVM ex and blocked his number. Never gave him any reason either, just told him to have a nice life and I moved on.

I met a guy shortly before lockdown who seemed great at first. Our conversations fizzled out so I ended up forgetting about him. I randomly ran into him the other day so we started chatting. I realized that he indeed is an LVM and that the time I spent not talking to him allowed me to uncover his true motives. He wanted to resume contact with me but I told him, see ya!

My OLD skills are pretty solid now. I know what red flags to look for and unmatch at the first sign. I now know OLD is like sifting through a garbage pile and take everything with a grain of salt.

elementalvirago · 2020-05-25T14:30:23+00:00

Back in my pickme days I had a FWB, long story short he stopped the relationship because he “didn’t feel right about it.” I cared about him so naturally I was devastated. Only after he cut things off he confessed he was in love with me and was just scared of his feelings. 🙄 Which just drove the knife in even further. I “should have known” how he felt about me, even though I only went over to his place after waiting for his invitation with eager anticipation, even through constantly alternating between compliments and negging, and warning ME not to catch feelings for HIM because he made it clear wE’rE nOt In A rElAtIoNsHiP.

Every once I awhile he texts me, mostly it has elements of “I was an idiot, I’m sorry” whatever. At first I welcomed these texts because I thought maybe he would come to his senses and want me back. I’ve accepted this isn’t happening (and now don’t want it to), that he’s just trying to absolve himself. I know I should just block him but now find his groveling amusing more than anything.

I have a history of being self deprecating, NEVER accepting compliments or admitting that I’m attractive in any way because of debilitating body image issues even though I’m fit and get a lot of male attention (my mind’s eye is broken let me tell ya) and he knows this. Historically he would use this to shower me with compliments because he knows I’m my own worst critic and I’d lap up the attention like an abused puppy.

He has been trying to get me to sign up for Facebook so that he can see all the selfies I’d post (his words, not my assumption). I flatly told him I’m not interested in joining a social media site just to post pics of myself, that’s not my style, and he said “that’s because you don’t appreciate how beautiful you are 😏.”

I said “Yes I do. I just think it’s silly to join a social media site just so you can use it to look at me.” There was a delay in his answer and then, “Well yeah it is when you put it that way.”

Haven’t heard from him since. Maybe he’ll stop playing now that his little toy is broken.

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-05-25T15:48:29+00:00

Refused to take back my ex fiancé who had broken up with me over a dozen times. He had three kids, one of which he kept a secret from me when we first started dating. He was also still sexting an old ex girlfriend from a dozen years ago AFTER we were engaged.

This sub saved my life from resigning myself to step mommy and younger play thing (he was 10 years my senior, we met at work where he was in a position of authority).

I’m completely NC and have no desire to check his social media etc anymore. in true LVM fashion after HE left ME he sent letters, emails, texts begging for me back. I have stayed strong.

Got myself to therapy, realized how abusive and narcissistic he was, reconnected with old friends, leveled up at work, and have my self esteem back.

Ladies, leave at the FIRST sign. Had I left when I found out about the third child, I would have saved myself another two years of turmoil. It DOES NOT get better. And thinking you are strong enough to handle him and his crap, will literally destroy you. I made it out by the skin of my teeth. STOP placing him as more important than you and your life and feelings - no man is worth that.

bey124 · 2020-05-25T14:16:35+00:00

I have kicked negative people out of my life without regrets. I have made myself less available to people I interact with on a daily basis, learned to say ‘no’ without an explanation and used this a lot, and have gone ‘back to basics’ in a way in hopes of finding my own power and voice again, so I can level up in a true way, from within (yeah cringe, I know). This, for me, means: - fixing up my house (I have dealt with some issues for a while and had really let the whole thing go); - excercising 4 times a week and going for long walks on the days that I don’t; - reading more books; - learning new skills; - started to write in a journal (at least 3 things I did well today, 2 things I’m grateful for, 1 thing I did that got me closer to a certain goal); - finding new ways to grow my income besides my day to day job; - spending more time connecting with the women in my family and friend circles; - setting boundaries with each and every interaction that requires me to (and loving it).

I’ve really noticed a major growth in well-being and I’m not 100% crediting this to FDS because I was doing some of these things before I discovered FDS, but reading all the posts and comments here has shown me I am not alone in facing the issues with men/society, women can and should be strong, powerful and make themselves heard, and I am trying to do this in the most authentic ways I can every day now.

stelladiver512 · 2020-05-25T15:57:42+00:00

FDS has changed me for sure. I broke it off with 3 men I was chatting with cause they had red flags that I’m learning to pay attention to. I would have let a lot of their red flags go, excused their behavior, and even blamed myself somehow (!) Now I’ve learned to cut it off, block, delete. Doing that I’ve seen my self esteem grow, as I value more my instincts & what I want from a relationship.

veruscka · 2020-05-25T16:14:34+00:00

Realizing what went down in my situationship is an extremely common pattern, and I’m not alone in this. The pattern exists for the benefit LVM. Breaking free from the victim mentality and losing the scarcity mindset. More self love, more love for womankind. If we all work together to break the pattern and be assertive with what we want, we can all live in a better world. It feels so healing to give support to my fellow ladies 💖

briefhelvetica · 2020-05-25T11:57:27+00:00

Fds helped me to see that I was dating a lvm and deserve better than his silent treatment and lack effort. So I cut him off. One of the best decisions I made this year.

cutemxxr · 2020-05-25T12:11:42+00:00

I’ve discovered this sub a week ago, and in that time I’ve decided to ditch a lot of LVM friends who would constantly degrade me. I assume I was a “pick me” type girl, always accepting and going along with the harassment, but now I ask questions or don’t stand for it. I play video games a lot, which means being involved with lots of immature men who think it’s comedy gold to harass women online. I’ve completely stopped trying to appeal to them, trying to change their minds and make them think I’m “one of them.” I’ve realized that being a woman isn’t so bad, expressing my femininity isn’t a bad thing. I don’t want to act like a man anymore. I’m trying to become a HVF myself, and with that comes better expression of my emotions, being able to hold a coherent conversation, taking care of my physical appearance, etc. I find that the road to becoming a HVF is a good and long one, I’ve realized it isn’t going to happen overnight, which reassured me. I have a while to realize and understand who I really am while improving myself.

jasmminne · 2020-05-26T02:56:11+00:00

I finally understand the behaviours of exes and my current man thanks to the labels / acronyms from FDS.

My ex was a LVM and I was very much a Pickmeisha. I’m actually embarrassed by how much of myself I gave up and gave away to serve him. I did absolutely everything for him for almost seven years, and then he left me?! Even the break up was low effort - we lived together and yet he broke up with my via text.

Now I’m absolutely dating a HVM. It’s completely eye-opening to be dating an adult, an equal, someone who anticipates my needs, who initiates and reciprocates positive behaviours, who appreciates me and treats me like the queen I am. I’m finally getting what I deserve in life. I only discovered this sub recently, but I utilised many of the same techniques advocated here (eg. dating without alcohol), and they really work.

Title	Little victories
Author	foieblah
Upvotes	58
Comments	23
Date	May 25, 2020 6:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gq67kl/little_victories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/little-victories.675233 https://theredarchive.com/post/675233

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