My ex (married but separated), is currently a LVM. I’m past it, can’t do anything to salvage the relationship unless he wants to change, I’ve accepted that.

The problem is that we have a schedule that we use to assign time with our daughter (D). He started out absolutely horrible when he first left me. Sometimes he wouldn’t see her for weeks. Then over time I had to fight and claw for every single time I could get him to see her. I was an absolute wreck at the time and wanted my daughter to have a father. Eventually he came around and really wanted to see her, but only sometimes when he felt like it. Slowly but surely recently, we have gotten on a good schedule, and things have started to feel less clinically insane, and more normal.

However, he is CONSTANTLY messing up on his end of the schedule, making unilateral decisions about whether he’s going to parent or not that day. Just this week, last Saturday he got mad at me and decided he didn’t want to see me and wasn’t going to take D that day. I said fuck that and told him he could keep her for half the day if he was going to be like that. He threw an absolute fit, yelled at me to get the fuck out of his house. EVEN THOUGH I WAS LITERALLY JUST MAKING HIM DO HIS PART. HE WANTED TO MAKE ME DO BOTH OUR PARTS. 🤬

Then this weekend he was supposed to let me sleep in Saturday (for the third time since she was born 18 months ago), and instead he overslept and didn’t reschedule, didn’t want to come get D, and got mad that I wasn’t pleased when he wanted more time off that day. I ended up letting him leave early because we had a heart to heart and it was his friends birthday. Then today, on top of leaving early yesterday and missing my scheduled sleep in, he slept in until 2pm. Then got mad when I wanted answers. Furious actually. We had talked about how I’m tired of him sleeping in until 2 or later every single weekend. I wanted answers. Now he’s not coming at all today because he’s going to another state to fix someone’s car, without even asking me if it was cool if I took our daughter.

He is literally always complaining at me about how I should just give him a break (because he ‘did everything I asked’ AKA was a decent father, for less than a week). Meanwhile the only reason I ever complain is because he is constantly doing whatever the fuck he wants and treating me like a babysitter! He told me to stop being his mom!!! as if I want to have to force him to parent!! The nerve of this man! I NEVER EVER do less than my share with her, yet HE needs a break? When he’s the one who’s literally always taking time off from his daughter?

He ended up cussing me out on the phone, telling me to shut the fuck up over and over again. I had decided that we can just have a separate schedule for D, since he doesn’t want to stick to the one we have now. But then I realized that he’s not going to stick to any schedule at all, he’s just going to do what he wants. So I asked him what am I supposed to do when he does that? And he said there’s nothing I can do. That he’s going to do whatever he wants and there’s nothing I can do.

Ladies, I’m tired of this man thinking he can control me. I can’t take the half ass “I’m going to do whatever I want” attitude anymore. I seriously can’t take the verbal abuse anymore. I can’t take the acting all sweet and lovey one day, and hating my guts the next. I’m done. I’m done. I’m done. I’m done living in crazy town.

What are my options here? I have no money for a lawyer, I’m in school full time and watching my daughter alone all day every day. My ex on the other hand, does have access to a lawyer through his dad, who is nice to me, but would absolutely fight for my ex to get custody. He has plenty of money and a great lawyer.

Do I just deal with the abuse and try to stop giving a fuck about him until I get my degree? I have at minimum three years until then.

Do I move out and try to somehow work and take care of my daughter and do school? I would have absolutely no help and I can’t imagine that working or having enough money for childcare.

Do I try to get a lawyer? He would just try to get less time with her, and pay me as little child support possible. I don’t know how I’d ever afford one anyways, and I’m terrified he would go the opposite way and try to take my daughter from me out of spite or cheapness.

I can’t live like this anymore. It’s absolutely insane. One day he’s sweet and tearfully sorry, the next he’s cussing me out. And the thing is, he really feels both ways. He is a crazy person, and he doesn’t want help.

My biggest regret is not leaving to live with family 4 hours away when he told me to. I mean I’m happy I can say I tried to give my daughter a dad, but how fucking pointless? Ladies, if you ever find yourself in that situation, take your baby and run.