Men as parents are failures

annanorwich · 2020-07-29T17:00:18+00:00

I was raised with my mom working full time while also cooking, cleaning, potty training, disciplining, helping with homework, driving me to activities, paying for flute lessons, buying me games, while my dad would come back home from work and sit on his computer, play games, and sleep in the basement. I realize now how much of a parasite my dad was and how my mom was basically a single mom. But women are still pressured by society that we are not "complete" without a man when most men provide zero value to our lives.

sisterofnarcissus · 2020-07-29T18:33:13+00:00

I’ll comfort you with a positive story. I was raised with a father who was crazy about me since day 1. It’s a family anectode, often told at reunions, that when my mom gave birth to me he was so overwhelmed with happiness that he held me repeating „oh my god I have a daughter, a little baby girl I love her so much oh my god” crying. Now I’m 26 and he was always my number one hero, protector, always present in my life. He was the one who transferred me to another school when I was bullied. He taught me basic useful skills, motivated me to push my boundaries and achieve more. He’s the biggest fan of my drawings, always rooting for me. Knows what’s going on in my life and actively participates in it. He calls me often just to tell me that he loves me. He hugs me with hig big bear hugs, still calls me „bubble” or „beetle”. Financially supported me through my studies so I could focus on MA, get a job and gradually stand on my own feet. But first and foremost I saw how he treats my mother. 26 years later she’s still his first and only love. He brings her flowers, remembers anniversaries, takes her on trips, cared for her when she was very ill. Supports her while she’s getting a PhD now. Bought her a car right after she got a driving license. 26 years later he thanks her for every meal she cooks and cleans up after eating, takes care of finances, bills, groceries. Even if in the 80s men were raised differently, he never complains about chores. And even if he isn’t loaded with cash (and he wasn’t in the past but he never let me feel that there was a money struggle at home sometimes) and is a simple maintenance worker at a hospital, he is still the most high value man I know. For my whole life he was a shining example of integrity, decency and honor. Ladies, I wish you all partners and fathers of your children like my dad is to me and my mom.

Lingueen · 2020-07-29T18:45:28+00:00

Oh boy. I have a lot to say when it comes to men as parents.

My mom and dad became parents for the first time when my mom was 21 and my dad 23. Then five years later my brother was born. And five years later I was born. My dad spent 25 years of his life ignoring his fatherly duties (other than providing money) because “he became a father when he was too young”, so he used those years to live his life to the fullest while my mom was stuck at home taking care of 3 kids.

I have 0 recollection of him as a father figure when I was little. My siblings say the same. He was only there to give us birthday and Christmas gifts, which became the way we saw him: we only liked him for the gifts he gave us.

Now that’s he’s 50 something and getting old and fat, he has become more affectionate but it’s too late. We will always still value him only for the monetary aspects of our relationship dynamics and nothing else. He was negligent.

Men will brush their duty as fathers under the rug because they became parents “too young” so they didn’t know how to act. Yet women are expected to carry the burden of motherhood all by themselves while their husband is probably cheating on them and being reckless.

Men disgust me.

hongkonghenry · 2020-07-29T17:55:37+00:00

My mother is on her third husband and I'm one of seven kids. I'd love to say she raised us by herself but my grandparents did a lot for the older four kids, and we then raised the younger three kids.

I wouldn't have had the kid I have now if I did not 100% trust my husband to share evening and weekend labour 50/50.

blaquevenus · 2020-07-29T18:51:18+00:00

The value of the work done by stay at home moms, if hired out to employees, would be in the six figure range. “Depending on the size of the home, family, pets and numerous other conditions, a stay-at-home parent may work upwards of 98 hours a week. According to 2019 data from Salary.com, if you are a stay-at-home mom (or dad), and paid for your services, you would be looking at a median annual salary of $178,201”-Investopedia. Imagine hiring a private chef, nanny, chauffeur, and house cleaner. Plus all of the teaching and child development work that’s done. This figure seems on the low end.

pineycitrusforest · 2020-07-29T18:01:03+00:00

[deleted]

nr2596 · 2020-07-29T19:17:12+00:00

I really don’t think men are necessary to raise children this whole “kids need a father figure” is a lie. What do they need a father figure for? The only thing they bring to the table is toxic masculinity. Keanu reeves the most HVM was raised by a single mother so that’s all the proof I need that men are not needed.

hexchromosome · 2020-07-29T18:21:22+00:00

Still men have audacity to wonder how come women get custody most of the time

Men love to complain about this, even though the opposite is true. Men who try for custody are actually more likely to get it than women, even if the mother is objectively a better parent. But since men don't often ask for custody, it usually goes to the mother.

Rdrses · 2020-07-29T21:18:58+00:00

Oh its true. Tj3ey feel its unfair to babysit their own kid and play dumb to get out of doing things

raiu86 · 2020-07-29T22:46:33+00:00

It's like that too often, but it doesn't have to be. Good men and good dads do exist. My father was one, my husband is one. My mom was a sahm when I was little, but every Saturday was mom's day off. I remember going camping, skiing, or just to the park and then somewhere for lunch. He taught me to ski, rollerblade, ride a bike, helped with homework, and cooked dinner most nights when I was older and mom was back to work.
I'm now a sahm too, and my husband does 75% of the parenting when he's home because he gets that doing the work is how you love and build a relationship with little kids. He wakes up at night to dry tears and soothe nightmares, he makes breakfast, he carries tantruning tots to time out, he changes diapers (and launders stinky cloth diapers). That said, I cannot recommend raising 2 kids (one with special needs) while both parents are trying to work full time, even with all he does I still do a lot just because there is a lot to do.

katthekanuck · 2020-07-29T21:02:02+00:00

A psychologist would have a field day with my dad because I think a lot of his LVM behaviour (not all of it but a lot) can be traced back to his childhood-his own dad died when he really young and my grandmother (who had a lot of internalized misogyny imo) basically christened him the "man of the house" (ugh) and made him help out with a lot of things that a kid that age really shouldn't be doing. My grandma also had a good unionized job and received a lot of financial support from the government after my grandpa's early death so it's not like there could be any excuse that my dad had to step in while she was working overtime just to pay the bills or something.

But this all lead to my dad not having a real fulfilling childhood, so by the time he's a young adult and engaged to my mom he's really not fully invested in being a parent because he's basically been a de facto "man" and parent his entire life :/ so he does only slightly more than the bare minimum in raising my sibling and I over the years (driving us around and paying the bills, occasionally bathing us and playing games with us and my mom does absolutely everything else) while he goes off with his friends and gives less and less attention and care to my mom who is both mentally and physically wrecked from years of unappreciated labour, and is met with arguing and gaslighting if she tries to ask him to do anything more around the house. (And btw gave up her own good unionized job, which ironically involved taking care of other people's kids, to be our SAHM).

She FINALLY got fed up a few years ago and asked for divorce. And now some people have seriously tried to give HER grief for relying on his spousal support even though she literally can't get even a low-end job because her body is completely worn out (and now on several medications to try to keep it going) from over two decades of this nonsense.

Misogyny and patriarchy are complete wack.

sadocapitalist · 2020-07-29T18:31:20+00:00

I'm so glad I don't want kids, even in a perfect situation.

LittleAriesWitch · 2020-07-29T20:46:14+00:00

I dunbbnno. My little brother is being raised solely by his dad whike I was raised primariky by my mother...

My broyher is turning out a lot better than I am. 😂

SlurpySlurpdoge · 2020-07-29T21:27:00+00:00

I love both of them equally, they put the same effort and i love them so, so much.

Title	Men as parents are failures
Author	BlackEmberx
Upvotes	94
Comments	32
Date	July 29, 2020 4:49 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i03zmt/men_as_parents_are_failures/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-as-parents-are-failures.718338 https://theredarchive.com/post/718338

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