New to OLD

VintagePallor · 2022-03-17T21:10:30+00:00

Lower your expectations to about 0 with OLD. You might swipe for a year and not meet someone HV who acts right and meets your standards, it's a tundra out there. I only use Hinge exceptionally sparingly and vet so hard I only get 1-2 matches a month on average. Most of those don't even ask me out on an approved date and none of them have got to a second date. When you give off HVW/queen energy a LOT of LVM on OLD will weed themselves out because they don't want the "high maintenance" and most of the others won't make it past your vetting and screening. It's not you, it's them. Internalize that before you continue to swipe. Your confidence needs to be TIP-TOP to date and you might need to take a pause until you've got it in shape. You can't be a HVW in the dating world if you're insecure about your looks and weight (or anything else) because scrotes and PickMe tendencies feed on those insecurities. Vanquish those demons before getting back out there. You can't safely date unless you truly believe you deserve the best treatment in the world because you only accept and attract what you think you deserve.

ambgreen · 2022-03-17T19:14:15+00:00

Tbh, there can be an online disconnect and little initiative from the guy’s end with OLD. If the guy isn’t putting a lot of effort into the conversation on OLD apps, then it’s definitely not you 😅

Do you have MeetUp groups in your area? Those have been useful for meeting other people of similar interests in your area, including possible dating prospects. I’ve made friends through events there and some of them have met their S.O. the same way. It gives you a chance to see if there’s a connection in person before the first date.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-03-17T21:55:11+00:00

Most men look at the dating apps as Uber Eats for sex. You are extremely unlikely to meet a HVM there.

Concentrate on changing your job to one with hours where you can actually socialise and get more involved in the Meet Ups groups.

Madholley · 2022-03-17T19:30:44+00:00

You're not doing anything wrong. Dating with high standards is difficult. I do have a few questions:

(1) How long are you texting? FDS advises keeping texting to a minimum, just to vet. I text briefly and then if they ask to go further, schedule a phone screening (15 mins) to determine if I am interested in accepting a date invitation. Endless texting without intentions to go further and meet- block after a certain time. For me it's one week.

(2) What kind of connection are you looking for? You likely won't "connect" via text. Text and call are to try and vet for obvious flags (misogyny, trauma, instability) and gauge potential, to either block or move to a date. Obviously vetting continues throughout any dating interactions.

(3) How insecure are you? Dating is not for the insecure. If you don't feel confident matching men you are attracted to, you may need to get off the apps and keep working on yourself.

apple_cores · 2022-03-17T22:51:12+00:00

Just to clarify, you’ve never dated at all? If so, I would advise you to be extremely cautious. Men can smell inexperienced women a mile away and will do or say anything to “conquer” you.

First thing, don’t give out your phone number without having met the person (and even then you don’t have to right away). Stay on the app. You will encounter men trying to get your number because that takes you off the app and more likely to meet/get laid. If you encounter “I’m barely on here lol” then tough for them. How hard is it to click on an app to reply to a message lololol. You can also get a Google voice number.

Second, if you’re talking to someone more than about a week and they haven’t asked you out yet then they aren’t likely to. Also I personally am never the first to like a man on an app or initiate conversation. Plenty of bitter men expect the woman tho.

Third, know what you’re looking for. Sounds like you’re not totally happy/content with yourself. Lots of people use OLD for the ol ego boost. It’s a numbers game to men. They’ll swipe on 100+ women a day because they know the majority won’t respond (unless they’re extremely good looking). Don’t be flattered by shallow compliments and attention.

So do you want a relationship? Dating experience? Even if you’re dating casually, be quick to cut off anyone who is showing disrespect, brining up sex to soon, etc.

Do a search on here for all the OLD posts. Plenty of good info of what to look out for and how to make the most of it. Personally I tried old on and off for years and I’ve had some nice dates but plenty more men who just were awful and not serious. Good luck.

purasangria · 2022-03-17T20:02:27+00:00

Most men are pretty boring and one-dimensional. Get him on an in-app video chat so you don't waste time texting with him.

myheartisfulloflove · 2022-03-18T00:00:27+00:00

Hey girl, I'm gonna be honest, but FDS is critical against OLD and should really only be used to practice having boundaries rather than for something serious. There's literally like zero HVM on them, and especially as things are slowly going back to normal with regards to Covid, people are going out more and more and abandoning apps to meet people. I kindly suggest doing the same since you're way more likely to have success out there, talking to people face to face.

warinmymind94 · 2022-03-18T00:51:00+00:00

Keep your bio short and sweet. Your first name, the ballpark of what where you live or a town over instead of actual location, share your hobbies or the field you work in.

Men that just open with a copypasta like the ones here are low value. Men that just say "hey" or "how are you" are low effort too. Look for someone that read your bio and customizes a response for you ie "oh I work in accounting as well how's tax season going" or "I also really love tennis, I just bought a new sneakers for it."

Men that play text games or push for snapchat /to get yoir phone number very fast are suspicious.

Beware of Men that say they want to take you to dinner and never follow through or try bait and switching you. It's on him to plan it and make reservations if necessary. No, you're getting mcdonalds instead because you can't get seats. You're leaving. No you're not gonna walk around outside because he's magically not hungry before the dinner date, again, you're leaving.

You have to be ruthless.

TheNightWitch · 2022-03-17T20:37:07+00:00

The kinds of men that turn into texting buddies are just using OLD to get attention from women to boost their ego, and very likely aren’t single. If you’ve sent a day or two of messages, make your last one this: “we should continue this conversation over dinner.” And then accept no excuses for why it can’t happen. He either asks for your schedule so he can plan something, or he gives excuses. Block that guy.

It can be a real ego boost to have a man texting you, but if they aren’t trying to meet in person they aren’t real - they want you to waste your time being their therapist or mom or tell them nice compliments.

Grab an abundance mindset. Men are not scarce. If a guy isn’t asking to meet, block him and move on. You can’t connect by messaging, and that early spark dulls, the longer you text.

Title	New to OLD
Author	PrivateNoLlamaDrama
Upvotes	54
Comments	20
Date	March 17, 2022 7:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tghm2e/new_to_old/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/new-to-old.1107091 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107091

Comments