Proposing to men

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-05-06T15:40:50+00:00

Every study done on this subject shows that married men are mentally and physically healthier, happier, earn more money and live longer lives than single men. And married women are less mentally and physically healthy, less happy, earn less money, and die younger than single women.

WHY should we chase marriage again?

tellmesomething11 · 2020-05-06T15:36:04+00:00

My take is why do women have to offer ultimatums by proposing in the first place? Because if we are basing a decision to continue with someone unless they accept the marriage, then that’s not love. Love isn’t forced. I’d rather just set a mental timeframe (let’s say two years) and let him know I would like to get married by whatever year (this should occur when you are discussing your goal and desires for a relationship when you meet) and then at the end of the timeframe, if he hasn’t proposed, I’d just move on.

I had suggested marriage to my ex husband because we were together for over ten years. He agreed and we got married. Maybe 4-5 months afterwards we had argued and he screamed at me that I forced him to get married and I forced him to have kids. It hurt, because I thought we mutually agreed to get married and we had kids via IVF🙄 there was a lot of decisions made that were never forced.

Anyway it gave me the push to divorce him. Cause no one HAS to be with me, and I don’t have to be with them. You’re not doing me any favors. If you don’t love me I’m out

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-05-06T15:40:25+00:00

I don’t think I should have to force someone’s hand to be with me. If they are not 100% sure they want to be married and making it happen then I probably don’t want to marry them. I watched a friend basically strong arm her long time boyfriend down the aisle with threats of leaving him and surprise, they’re having tons of issues because he didn’t actually want to get married, he just did it because he didn’t want her to walk away and find someone better (which she should have). So she was under a time crunch to get married so she could have kids, and spent the time she could have spent finding someone else, dealing with even more bs from him and they’re worse off now than they were when they got married.

It takes two people to be in a relationship; if we’ve been dating for awhile and there’s no indication from him that he wants marriage and sees a future, then he probably doesn’t. I’m not going to sit delicately for ten years on the off chance he might propose, that sounds like men who have entirely too much control over the relationship trajectory. It’s cliche but “if it isn’t a hell yeah, it’s a hell no”. I’m all for people doing what works for them but personally, I need a guy to be 100% in, and showing it.

_boring_daven_ · 2020-05-06T16:12:32+00:00

The problem with marriage is that it’s seems to just hurt women. Women are less likely than men to receive promotions while married and more likely than men to end up in poverty after a failed marriage. Plus women still do most the of the cooking, childcare and cleaning within a marriage. Add in the fact that men are more likely to cheat (especially when you get pregnant) and more likely to seek a divorce if you get injured or sick, and the phenomenon of porn sick-limp dick and I’m just starting to wonder what’s in marriage for women? Men bitch about it constantly but statistics show they are the ones that benefit from it.

Meccha_me_2 · 2020-05-06T16:01:02+00:00

You mention "avoiding talk of commitment," but the sub doesn't advocate for that. Of course I'm going to talk to my partner about the future, that's a completely normal and healthy thing to do when you're in a good relationship.

Here's a perspective:

When i was younger I used to hate that my mom would always say "men are hunters." As someone who considered myself to be a liberal/radical feminist at the time, statements like that seemed gendered and sexist.

The older I got and the more I dated, the more i realized she was right. We can argue all day and night about whether or not men and women would act the same without societal pressure to act a certain way and blah blah blah, but the reality is we live in a gendered society and pretending that those roles don't exist for the sake of equality will actually result in quite the opposite.

Men are socialized to go after what they want. Whether it's a job they're not qualified for a woman who is after his league, he will go after it. If a man isn't talking to you about marriage and a future or is "avoiding talk of commitment" odds are he doesn't want commitment with you. Is that your fault? No. Is it the man's/society's fault that he's dating you even though he doesn't want to marry you. Probably. Will asking him to marry you change any of that? No.

But here's the biggest question: Is there a possibility he'll say yes because being with you is better than being alone? Possibly. And that's why we shouldn't propose.

Desperate-Nectarine · 2020-05-06T16:05:40+00:00

I don’t think women should propose to men, but we should definitely expect them to propose within a reasonable timeframe and if they don’t, we should leave. Don’t be a forever girlfriend.

heliodrome · 2020-05-06T15:54:34+00:00

I would give it a few months, to a year to at least have a discussion about it. If he doesn’t open up about it and have a plan or idea regarding your future marriage, I would bounce. Two years is too long in my opinion, if your goal is marriage. You should have this conversation under the one year mark, and preferably in the first six months.

rayne_chi · 2020-05-06T17:55:25+00:00

The way I see it, if wanting to get married doesn’t come from him, then I don’t want it. I’ve learned that you really do have to let men take the lead for them to feel like a man, otherwise they will resent you for it later. If he wants to marry you then he will ask, and if he doesn’t then why would you wanna force that upon anyone?

rinabean · 2020-05-06T17:56:08+00:00

However, I also read about forever girlfriends who long for marriage only to be heartbroken when finding out the man never planned on pulling through with it in the the first place leaving the woman to waste many years of her precious time and youth.

Right so if you do that, you get to waste your precious time and youth AND you have to get divorced. Proposing can't make him want to marry you. If he wanted to marry you, he would propose.

It's not an alpha move, it's pathetic. It's throwing yourself at him. It's begging.

The person to propose should have their last name kept (my opinion)

women should keep their own names. Because you're right, we're not property.

If a woman proposes and the man accepts, he should accept her last name and well as her name falling under the “head of household” instead of what could’ve been his.

This is what men think you are doing when you propose, as well as being pathetic. Men don't respect women for doing this, they hate them. They will constantly despise this pathetic woman with no spine who begged to marry them, as well as hating this bitch who dared to propose, simultaneously. Just like they can ask you for sex and call you a slut for saying no. It doesn't have to make real sense. But we know they do this. They will always be looking for "better"

les not condemn her for it...who knows? She could be that boss a$$ alpha bitch in the relationship...

She isn't or she wouldn't do that. And it's not condemning her (I mean, she's condemning herself, but that's nothing to do with me) to condemn the practice. It never serves women unfortunately. Just because we might want things to be equal, it doesn't mean they are! This is one of them

SpectralCadence · 2020-05-06T20:22:33+00:00

What's this Pickme advice doing on FDS smh

kwalden2 · 2020-05-06T16:18:34+00:00

I agree with not judging another woman who proposes. It ain't my life to judge. But would I have done that thing in my life? No, that wasn't for me and I had good reason. It's what other commenters said, that later he may pull some switch acting like he wasn't into it. They can be dumb. Gotta find some way to make sure they know you are the prize. I decided being proposed to was a good way.

Title	Proposing to men
Author	Im_Vinea
Upvotes	0
Comments	17
Date	May 6, 2020 8:48 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gegav6/proposing_to_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/proposing-to-men.676833 https://theredarchive.com/post/676833

Comments