Red Flag???

ponchoacademy · 2022-04-22T01:33:29+00:00

Limited info, not sure whats going on with your aunt though you gave more info in comments. Was super confused by comments saying he would not be seen with you, I may have missed that somewhere.

From what I gather he decided to wait until after your ceremony to give you gifts, which isnt super unusual in my experience. The only time Ive been given a gift during any kind of awards or special events ceremony is if its part of the ceremony itself. Barring that, usually theres lunch or dinner afterwards and they give it to me as part of the celebration of the event.

As for your aunt, including the extra info you gave about her...the thought that comes to my mind is I am really, genuinely happy for those whose families always have their best interest at heart and can trust them so fully. Not everyone has that sort of positive support.

My experience, my mother also told me on meeting a guy Im dating that he doesnt really love me. Well, she said that about my first bf, my husband, and the serious relationship I was in. At this point I was fed up, we had a bit of a blowout over it where she said she doesnt trust any guy who says he loves me because I dont deserve it. Something must be wrong with him to see anything in me to love.

To be fair, my mom is on the far side, but all the same, I hesitate to instantly assume family means they will always want the best for you so anything they say must be true. Anyway, considering its student of the month for college, Im going to guess you are both quite young, its a big deal, he was nervous, it happens. He decided to give you your gift privately, I dont see that as a negative thing.

Congrats on Student of the Month btw! You were picked out of many and Im sure it was a very exciting moment to be acknowledged for the hard work youre putting in =)

ConstantNurse · 2022-04-22T00:39:56+00:00

That’s really an odd thing for the aunt to say during something you should be happy for and it seems to me auntie green with envy over your accomplishments. She’s quick to sow discontent at your expense over something that wasn’t and shouldn’t be an issue. If she was legitimately concerned, she would have waited a few days to let you have your moment in the sun but instead she rained on your parade.

I’ve been to my fair share of school ceremonies both as a recipient and as friend/family attending. Quite honestly, I prefer to receive my gifts once I am done and away from the building (and on to the place/restaurant to personally celebrate) Things get lost/forgotten in the crowds and chaos. Some get stolen etc. It is unnecessary to bring things like that inside UNLESS the person has to leave quickly.

I also prefer to give the gifts after the person has had a chance to settle down and have a moment to themselves. Usually this is at the reception dinner or whatever, which is usually away from where the ceremony took place.

Is it a red flag? Not really. He was at your ceremony to support you and was seen in public with you. It was probably his first time meeting other family members like that so his nerves make sense.

The question is, did you feel supported by his presence? Did he take pictures of you and with you? Did he seem excited for you?

creamtart_ · 2022-04-21T23:50:59+00:00

I feel like we’re missing a whole load of info, but I’ll tell you this and hopefully it helps you.

I have made the mistake of ignoring my aunties or mother’s advice when they saw straight through a scrote I was dating. They always ended up being right.

Now I treasure the wisdom and insight of older women.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2022-04-22T00:33:58+00:00

I would be 100% suspicious of why a fully grown man is acting bashful or shy about being seen in public as a boyfriend to a woman. It can only boost them socially, they aren't in the 3rd grade anymore, nobody will tease them.

FUBARfromLSA · 2022-04-22T02:02:51+00:00

If your aunt had your best interest at heart she would’ve waited a few days to share her opinion with you.

I feel like she was trying to bring you down, and nitpick at your boyfriend at the same time.

This wouldn’t be a red flag for me personally- but I would keep an eye on him and continue to vet.

And?

CONGRATULATIONS! 🎈🎊🍾🎉 that’s a huge tribute to your hard work!

BeeWren · 2022-04-21T23:57:55+00:00

Two things:

Aunts be knowing. Trust elder women who love you.
He’s under functioning. He had the courage to buy you gifts but stopped just short of bringing them into what I assume was a ceremony? Is that enough for you? Someone who halfway shows up for you? Either he was too nervous to come inside, which is immature. Or he’s intimidated by you outshining him. Never underestimate the male ego.

Will he too nervous to show the **** up during major life downturns as well? The most important question is - is this enough for you?

My thoughts are - you deserve someone who will have the courage and courtesy to show up. Buy the gifts and bring them to me, like an adult. Please don’t start rationalizing the why’s and making up his shortcomings. Don’t go outside and retrieve what could have been brought. You’re worth a field of flowers and a mine full of gems. AND for someone to bring them to you.

extraodi · 2022-04-22T02:28:44+00:00

When you say he brought you gifts you mean he brought them to you and then before going inside the building he put them back in the car? I don’t get it, sorry!

But on the other hand a big congratulations to you! As a first generation that is a big deal. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad during such a rewarding day. Keep working; studying hard!

annedr3ww · 2022-04-22T00:08:48+00:00

Did he not bring it because there’s a possibility he might be dating another student at your school? That’s the only thing I can think of to not publicly carry around presents that obviously makes you seem like you are in a relationship. I would have my feelers up to see if anything else is going on. Observe carefully his behavior around his phone and when you approach him. If he closes out of an app quickly or acts weird as you get closer- I would probably dump him. I wish I acted on my intuition before - would have saved me YEARS of trauma.

oscine23 · 2022-04-22T01:03:43+00:00

I could see him waiting and giving you the necklace later, but why wouldn’t he bring the flower inside, at least? That’s a bit odd. If he’s too bashful or self-conscious to do that, you may find he is emotionally immature.

Platipus6 · 2022-04-22T01:38:53+00:00

Nervous nellies, low confidence men who 'don't know what to do' make me sick. We got enough on our plate to deal with as women, constantly being on guard. Our partner is meant to be a strong, protective presence in our lives, not another timid dependent we have to expend brainpower on. We call those "our children".

If he can't solve this incredibly simple problem on his own or think about how one of TWO options would make you feel and choose the best one, he's imo, useless.

He may well love you, but his inability to think is quite alarming.

VintagePallor · 2022-04-22T03:40:18+00:00

Reminder that these sorts of posts are only allowed in the AskFDS sub!

thewetdog_ · 2022-04-22T03:43:19+00:00

Askfds

Title	Red Flag???
Author	Royal-Progress
Upvotes	41
Comments	25
Date	April 21, 2022 11:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/u90rpf/red_flag/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/red-flag.1111693 https://theredarchive.com/post/1111693

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