My LVX and I recently broke up. Although I broke it off, our relationship was a series of rejections where I was covertly and openly criticized for many things - from my body to the way I speak. Since re-entering the dating scene, I have been rejected, I have been ghosted and endlessly solicited for sex. Men have acted like they adored me to reveal they really just wanted sex.

My LVX and these experiences left me feeling really small and unlovable. So I did some soul searching and realized that REJECTION IS A SCAM. Rejection is arbitrary; it is not concrete; it is not real; it is not a reflection of my character. How can I judge my worth, attractiveness and lovability off the opinions of my LVX, who really was the meanest man I’ve known? That’s like judging Simone Biles’ gymnastics expertise with a thermometer.

Men will dump a woman or ghost her for the randomest reasons - she’s too tall, she reminds him of an ex, he has a girlfriend, she’s smarter than him, she doesn’t dress like he likes, she talks back, he is a player whose focus is his body count, he likes blondes and met a blonde. Men are often fickle, superficial and have fragile egos. When they reject us, it’s not a reflection of who we are. They are rejecting us based on their paradigm of what their ideal partner is - which is often misogynistic af. We can’t judge ourselves off mysogynistic standards. I’ve realized, the more I am my true self with men - expressive, opinionated, political, passionately feminist - the more rejections will roll in. Maybe rejections are a badge of a honor, a sign I stand for something, and am not amenable to the pickme ways of adapting my personality to every man I meet just so he likes me. What a relief not to need to be liked!

We can’t judge ourselves by the men who reject us. We are only supporting characters in the stories of their lives where they are writing thejr narratives that have nothing to do with us. People don’t like me for many reasons, often which I can’t control - because I’m black, because I’m a woman, because shaving my armpits has never made sense to me. People also love and adore me for those reasons and others. None of it is a referendum on my worth. I like myself a lot and believe in myself, and if you don’t, obviously we have nothing in common 🤷🏽‍♀️.