“Relationships are a mirror” - BS 🤡

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-02-04T17:54:07+00:00

The thing that really convinced me of this was seeing just how many women on FDS had the exact same experiences as me with men. No, it's not somehow my fault that some guy was emotionally unavailable, couldn't articulate his mental states, and constantly needed 'space' while simultaneously taking advantage of whatever space he was given to lie and gaslight - this is a widespread male phenomenon. Self help bullshit should just be outright replaced by radical feminism, because a lot of these problems are feminist issues, not psychological ones.

2022-02-04T19:45:35+00:00

There’s a lot of new age pseudo-religious gaslighting going around lately. It’s not your fault if someone abuses you; you cannot control another person’s behavior. It is not a reflection of you. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.

naturopathicfantasti · 2022-02-04T21:12:00+00:00

The toxic positivity in the self help and psychologically realm is gaslighting. “Just realize you pick men who abuse you because that’s all you know. Then you’ll attract non abusers” no… too many of them are abusers.

aeorimithros · 2022-02-04T20:02:47+00:00

I wholly agree.

You are not insecure.

You are not weak.

You are not too much.

You are not incapable.

You are not worthless.

You are not undeserving.

You are not dumb.

You are not powerless.

There is not something wrong with you.

None of these would be 'discovered' in a healthy relationship.

You don't think you're secure then have a mirror held up to insecurity. Same for weakness, who goes in thinking they're strong and discovers themselves to truly have been weak this whole time.

purasangria · 2022-02-04T20:39:22+00:00

This whole "law of attraction" thing -- the idea that we attract users and abusers because we ourselves are somehow that way -- has a very victim-blaming feel for me.

2022-02-04T22:37:50+00:00

I realised this last year I am not responsible for another person’s actions, behaviours or the things they say. That is on them. Another realisation is I’m not coming up with reasons/excuses for someone’s behaviour and if I am hurt by something they say or do, I’m no longer turning the other cheek and can walk away from this person forever and it’s not me being weak, cowardly or giving up

daisy_0720 · 2022-02-05T07:53:26+00:00

This line of thinking also doesn't explain why in every other personal relationship, I am stable, calm, easy-going, happy, relaxed and fulfilled. It was only with shitty men that I felt continually anxious, off-balance, on edge, and overly emotional. Funny how those feelings completely disappeared once those men were out of my life!

hungry-proton · 2022-02-04T22:54:59+00:00

There is a grain of truth in this advice because, if you spend too much time in a low value relationship, you might start to mirror them over time. For example, I developed substance abuse issues and "reactive abuse" after my worst LVM, though I am now free and taking steps to unlearn these behaviors.

PlumHot7169 · 2022-02-04T19:45:15+00:00

Yes!!!! This reflection bs just keeps these shitty men from ever ever being accountable and keeps women over-accountable for what ISN’T THEIR ISSUE to begin with. Thank you. I’m so tired of pick-mes continuing to say no fOcUs oN YoUr PaRt, it’s about your own wounds. SURE, but sis, we ALL have wounds. Not all of us are gaslighting, manipulating and exploiting others bc of them. Just no. We can all increase our self worth as women. But unfortunately, there will always be shitty men wanting to siphon it out of you for their own egoic power trips.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-02-05T01:56:32+00:00

A fun house mirror maybe.

Bex-T-Rexx · 2022-02-05T00:07:48+00:00

I needed to hear this today. Thank you for saying this.

2022-02-04T23:31:03+00:00

I used to hear that I should be concerned about the men I was attracting. Then a friend told me the problem is not that I attract narcissists, it’s that there are so many of them they’re hard to avoid. Changed my whole perspective.

modernmedusaa · 2022-02-05T04:36:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

evezinto · 2022-02-04T22:20:55+00:00

Yes but we still should grow stronger and smarter and tougher.

Keepers12345 · 2022-02-06T02:18:33+00:00

Dr. Ramani has a good video on this relationships are a miRrORr BS!

It's totally stupid magical thinking junk that idiots are using to blame women and keep them from peacing out.

https://youtu.be/eWlAiQG9Ejw

Muffcakelord · 2022-02-07T09:24:19+00:00

If this was true we'd be selling and buying clit soothing creams from the amount of oral sex we'd be receiving

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Title	“Relationships are a mirror” - BS 🤡
Author	Lost_Kale90
Upvotes	448
Comments	35
Date	February 4, 2022 5:51 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/skjmkj/relationships_are_a_mirror_bs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/relationships-are-a-mirror-bs.1211214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1211214

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