Reminder: Jealousy is a low-value trait

sexualfoodpantry · 2020-08-20T19:35:46+00:00

Struggling with envy and jealousy is often a sign that you haven't leveled up to your internal satisfaction.

That's why "just be happy for them, don't be jealous" won't work.

Those people are not where they'd like to be. Perhaps have not even defined personal success yet.

It's only after sinking a lot of effort into a personal goal that you finally begin to let go of these toxic traits.

oldncranky1982 · 2020-08-20T19:52:11+00:00

This is something I struggle with. It's not anger at people rather it's dissatisfaction with myself. It's hard sometimes, but I've grown quite a bit. I don't act out. Just feel that twing, you know what I mean? I mostly get jealous of pretty women. I've always been ugly. It's hard to accept how limited life can become due to something that was never in your control. Ah well, such it life. I seek happiness either way. The root of all suffering is the understanding that no one asked to be brought into this world. I'm a most unwilling participant.

LevelTurbulent · 2020-08-20T19:02:49+00:00

My own sister. My much younger sister that I went hungry for as a kid so she could eat. The sister I took literal beatings for to protect.

She's in competition mode all the time. She manipulated and used me while I was dying and even fucked my husband behind my back. She only contacts me to brag about good things in her life and to hear me say congratulations but she shits all over me whenever anything good or bad happens in my life. She insulted my job when I made more money than her but expected me to gush all over her when she finally got a job making the same amount as me and "made it."

She bitches that her friendships never last more than two years and then people ghost her. Well, it's because she's a nasty bitch and people get tired of it.

"Compliments" are always proceeded or followed by how much she fucking hates me for it. I had long pretty hair, she thinks it's a compliment to tell me how she hates me for it and she's jealous. We went to a concert together and I was singing along and she gets in my face about "Oh my fucking God! You can sing too?! It's not fucking fair!"

If she'd been anybody but my sister I'd have dropped her immediately whenever one of these things happen. But I'm over it now. She can go fucking rot. I'm not tolerating anybody like this anymore. Finding out about my husband completely killed it but I was already on my way out with her. You can do so much for shitty people but they're still gonna be shitty.

Before anybody asks, I'm going through the divorce now. I am done.

siberiansummer · 2020-08-20T21:20:58+00:00

Excellent post. As I got older I really lost that feeling of being jealous. The reason is: we all are under different circumstances, we don't know other people's struggles and how they get something you don't have. I also became extremely confident as I know how bad ass I am, I can do anything. So what my friend lives in $1.4 million dollar house? I graduated college with 2 small kids and an LVM ex while working full time. I know how to survive nearly under any circumstances because of how much I've struggled. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and that's what we have to keep in mind. Also, reinforce positive thinking and stop yourself every time you start getting jealous. I remember walking into my friend's house for the first time. It looked like something you see on TV and that's exactly what I said to her. I felt honored to be there and thought I was lucky to have a friend like that. Years later she told me that she felt that I was the only person who was genuinely happy for her. Let yourself feel the joy, look at any situation from a positive angle and your life will get easier. I'm incredibly blessed having an awesome group of friends now. But also I had to cut off a girl last year as she had a really low self-esteem and always tried to up one on me. Those types of "friends" are not just toxic, they are actually dangerous. After a few different things she's done I realized she'd have no problem throwing me under the bus the moment it became convenient to her.

BaffledBazaar · 2020-08-20T19:24:38+00:00

Great post. Coming from a Middle Eastern culture my mom always told me to be aware of jealous people, people giving you the evil eye. I feel like my western friends never think someone could be jealous of them and when I bring it up, it's usually something they hadn't considered. It is often portrayed as women to women but men I find show their jealousy of women through sarcasm, backhanded comments. A friend, her bf would sabotage her education, making comments that uni is expensive, he would tell other people she wasn't as smart as him, anything to make her doubt her decision to go when his pathetic ass had no uni options because he was too good to apply.

2020-08-20T21:52:03+00:00

This is so true. Whenever I’ve been envious of something or someone it always stemmed from my own unhappiness. Now that I’ve found my own purpose in life, I’ve realised that everyone has their own path and once you realise this, envy and jealously have little foothold.

BetterToBeLonely · 2020-08-21T15:29:10+00:00

I've always preferred to make friends with the amazing women that everyone hates. The ones that make every one bitchy and envious because of her accomplishments. I want friends I can admire. Friends I can strive to be like. Friends who inspire me to rise up. I've never understood this crabs in a bucket mentality when it comes to friends.

I am really envious of single by choice and divorced people, but that is just because I am impatient for my life 2.0 to get underway. It isn't a negative sort of jealousy.

Wise-Jelly · 2020-08-21T03:46:29+00:00

YES- I spent my entire college experience downplaying myself because of female jealousy and all of the problems that came along with it. I thought if I put myself down jokingly, tried to be more vulnerable, etc. I could hopefully assuage my jealous friends and roommates (who mainly defined themselves by their looks).

This may have worked in the short term, but these same "friends" seem to enjoy when things aren't going well for me and I'm the one reaching out for help. It's almost like they get sick pleasure from it "oh look what's finally happened to her". Instead of downplaying like I always did when things were objectively better for me, I tried to relay my problems and was met with the same cold, jealous, and passive-aggressive behavior. Newsflash, this is not how healthy friendships should function.

There has been a lot of hurt, betrayals, and pain. (I take comfort in the fact that I always took the high road, but it isn't easy esp when dealing with sororities and all of the vain eccentricities that came with mine) I treasure my long term female friendships. The hard truth is that women often do not support each other- and even more so, will actively undermine other women at the first opportunity!

Never again will I sell myself short as a "safe" option when dealing with jealousy. I wish I could go back in time and tell a younger version of myself to not put up with b.s. to keep female friendships because the result is always the same with LV people.

How other people feel about you is their business, but they shouldn't make it your problem.

CassieGreen85 · 2020-08-21T04:25:02+00:00

Yep, this is why I distanced myself a lot from some family and friends. They just kept on trying to gaslight me, or neg, or backhand comment, etc. the moment they felt I lowered my guard enough.

I've never been a really jealous person, and I think one of my cousins kinda knew, because she kept on trying to make me jealous of her.

For example, a lot of times she'd mention how I was far away (I moved to the US for uni, my parents stayed in my home country), and how she was with my mom, and how my mom must love her more now, "and tell me how do you (I) feel about that? Aren't you jealous?"

She was basically resentful that my parents weren't divorced or pieces of shit like hers, and she thought she could just take it out on me whenever she felt like, because the other half of the time she "wanted to have a good relationship."

I've put her in a very-low/no contact and no-personal-info diet. Now that she's married with two kids she has less time to do shit like that, I guess, so things are a tiny bit better.

(Kudos on her for not bullying me about my weigh at least, I never got the feeling she lorded it over my head. She's got issues (that aren't my fault), but I think she would've been a much better person if her parents hadn't been POS)

Hmtnsw · 2020-08-21T03:43:15+00:00

Had a friend of 8 years. She told her mom she didn't even like me at first. She tried to "friendly compete" with me. She occasionally hits me up on Snap to tell me about what's going on in her life- graduation, her bf [that I've never met] graduation, and I keep info I give of my life to a minimum.

Had someone ask me how I was the other day after not speaking for a while. They asked questions and I'd answer. Noticed when I asked certain questions they refused to answer.

Deactivated my FB for about 4 months. Recently activated it for a particular purpose dealing with finding a roommate. Someone slid in my DMs to chat noticing I was online. Havent heard from them since after we "caught up."

But it's not just jealous people, but those who say they care about you but really don't too. My ex would complain about me being overweight when he was too. I would ask him to come workout with me and he always refused even though I implied I wasn't a fan of him gaining weight just as much as he wasn't for me doing so. He would tell me: "I say this because I know it is something you want." I talked to a guy who was way fitter than him who was supportive and didn't lowkey tell me I was unattractive and never bucked me to tag along on my workouts/help me with my posture/give constructive feedback, etc. My ex wanted to remain as a "cub."

I look up to my fit friend and use him as motivation a bit but at the end of the day I try to compete and compare to myself to who I was a month/week ago.

mimkadinka · 2020-08-20T20:33:57+00:00

Do you also think feeling jealous/insecure over your bf's Instagram habits is a sign of low self-worth, or is that something you consider more valid and more to do with respect? Could go either way, I think. I suppose it's all about boundaries. Just curious because I was having this conversation with my friend earlier.

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miss_throwaway2341 · 2020-08-20T21:13:30+00:00

this!!!

Title	Reminder: Jealousy is a low-value trait
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	156
Comments	25
Date	August 20, 2020 6:19 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/idfof3/reminder_jealousy_is_a_lowvalue_trait/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/reminder-jealousy-is-a-low-value-trait.168275 https://theredarchive.com/post/168275

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