Sex before marriage

bananamilk58 · 2020-09-26T14:52:18+00:00

I couldn’t wait before marriage. I would need to make sure there’s sexual compatibility before and that he didn’t start doing porny gross/violent shit even after all the vetting. Plus I think it takes some time to learn each other’s bodies and what we like. I’d still make him wait while dating though! Don’t rush into sleeping with anyone.

calysae · 2020-09-26T14:44:56+00:00

I had sex before marriage but not with the man I married. We decided to wait. Oh boy. It was terrible. We eventually divorced but we never meshed at all in the bedroom. We had a lot more problems than that but it sure didn’t help.

Now my stance is I don’t need marriage but I’m definitely not a have sex right away person.

super_thinker_ · 2020-09-26T15:05:35+00:00

I've never been married so I've never waited until after marriage but I do recommend waiting a few months!

This weeds out the fuckboys and the nice guys who get frustrated and start to treat you badly for not giving them the only thing they want.

It also gives you time to think about the connection without any bonding hormones clouding your logic.

AnniaT · 2020-09-26T14:52:49+00:00

I think it varies a lot from woman to woman. I'm not sure if I want to marry so for me what I'm doing now is only having sex after a considerable amount of time of them consistently being HVM and after an actual relationship is established. I don't have a defined rule of amount of time for this.

For the women who want to wait until marriage there are certain things that indicate if the sex life will be good or not even if not having had sex before:

An HVM who shows consistently they love you will make an effort to please you in bed
A man who grooms himself, takes care of his health (exercise, good diet, etc) and is not porn sick has more changes of not suffering from ED or unsatisfactory sex
The way a man kisses you, touches you and caresses you says a lot about the way they'll be in bed
Knowing their beliefs, how they treat women in general and his opinions on certain topics related to sexuality also gives a good idea of what's to come.

I think the same rules of vetting and accessing a man's values should be taken regardless of how long someone wants to wait to have sex and if it's before or after marriage, maybe even more careful vetting if it's to wait until after marriage because there are lots of behaviours that can give a clue about the sexual chemistry.

But the most important is that the man must also want to wait until marriage and understand why both are waiting. If he's doing it begrudgingly it's better to leave it.

mshourglasss · 2020-09-26T16:02:00+00:00

I’m abstinent atm, but will most likely have sex before marriage. I love and enjoy sex, but sex with just ANY man makes my insides coil. Serious vetting and at least 3-4 months of no sex after meeting a guy initially. Condoms every-time.

BasieSkanks · 2020-09-26T14:47:37+00:00

My sister and her husband have only ever had sex with each other. They waited until they were married, which was seven years (they couldn’t get married sooner as my sister had severe mental health issues, still needed to graduate and they had to work out a plan to close the gap as they were long distance). Her advice to me was that she wouldn’t recommend. She’s not saying I should sleep around, but she and her husband still have hangups over sex, because they abstained primarily due to religious reasons. I think as long as you’re abstaining for the right reasons, it can be something positive.

throwmefaraway85 · 2020-09-26T16:48:27+00:00

No sex before commitment

PrincessGodmother · 2020-09-26T18:49:04+00:00

I am a virgin. I am also waiting until marriage for religious and personal reasons. I know for a fact I will not have or enjoy sex if there isn't a serious emotional connection or legal binding to a man.

I think sex is beautiful and a passionate way to express your love for one another. I just couldn't do it with a guy within a few months like I see some ladies saying. No matter how much vetting I want to see this guy for who he really is. Because I know men are notorious for changing up after the wedding.

Also, what modern man would commit his whole life to you without sex beforehand? Not many. And that's okay. He needs to respect my beliefs and show me he truly desires and wants me before he can have full access to my body.

rinabean · 2020-09-26T18:15:55+00:00

I wouldn't have sex with a man I wasn't intending to marry and since I found FDS I would not be intending to marry a man who hadn't proposed and who I didn't have actual plans to marry. Which would be difficult, but I think the alternative is worse.

I know women talk about sexual compatibility but I don't know what they mean unless it's a euphemism for penis size? I don't see how a man who was genuinely trying couldn't get it right. Maybe I've just been lucky.

usually_compliant · 2020-09-26T22:14:11+00:00

I'm not sure if I will ever get married, and sex is like 99% of the reason why I bother with men at all. So I do not have any beliefs about waiting.

With that said, I have had sex way too early in all but one of my relationships and it clouded my judgment severely and caused me unnecessary grief. Moving forward (in a FDS mindset), I won't be having sex of any kind with any man before he commits to me and I can see him in a range of situations, and I think six months is a reasonable time frame for that to happen.

The one relationship where I waited and he was respectful is now the only one I can look back fondly on.

goldiebaby · 2020-09-27T03:52:27+00:00

Hell yes to sex before marriage. To me, it's another very important issue to vet. Sexual compatibility does not just mean "good sex," whatever that may be. Is he kind, generous and loving? Does he make sure you are satisfied? Does he appreciate your body or conversely, shame you in anyway? Does he pressure to perform sex acts that you are not comfortable with? Does he have any gender specific sex roles (only women do oral etc)? Does he pressure you to look a certain way wrt body hair, weight etc? Does he compare you ex's? Does he have ED? Does he have sexual hang-ups? Does he subscribe to the madonna/whore complex? Most importantly, hoe does he act when you can't/won't have sex? Does he make you feel good/happy/connected when you are done? Does he perform foreplay? What kind? How long? Does he accept feedback or mindful criticism without throwing a fit? Do you feel like you can trust him sexually if/when you are incapacitated, drunk or high etc?

Of course, this doesn't mean jumping into bed with a rando who went one a few dates with you. Take your time, make sure you like the guy, you connect with him, he makes you feel safe and then get intimate after that. The timeline is something you should come up with.

I waited 4.5 months to have sex with my husband. We used to see each other 1-3 times a week during that time frame. We did kiss, cuddle and sleep in the same bed (around the 3 month mark) before having sex.

neverinne · 2020-09-26T16:42:46+00:00

I associate waiting until marriage with religious types, specifically with Catholicism which I’m most familiar with - and since such religions are at the core misogynistic, so are the men who follow them. Personally I wouldn’t date a religious man (any religion, or spirituality tbh) and I’d set the bar for sex at “complete trust”. Like, can you be sure he’ll stop not just when you say “wait, stop” but at the first sign of your discomfort? That he won’t take advantage of you and disappear? That he won’t pressure you or guilt-trip you or do anything that would make you regret sex? The answer should be yes to all that, without a doubt, and it takes a while until you can get there with someone.

PinkestMango · 2020-09-27T01:32:05+00:00

Never, ever have sex before marriage ever. Never.

Corricon · 2020-09-26T21:12:43+00:00

I believe in waiting until marriage to have intercourse, maybe not waiting for oral. No birth control is 100% and I don't want to risk pregnancy with someone who didn't care enough to commit to me. This is made easier by

1) I don't believe in weddings

2) I believe girls should be able to propose without offering engagement rings (I know this is against the handbook, and by all means, make sure that his is an enthusiastic yes and walk away if it's not, and make sure he values you in all other ways too - but girls really shouldn't have to sit around for months, just hoping he will finally propose)

3) using condoms for the first month of marriage to make sure you're sexually compatible and can live together well before producing any children

4) blaming people with 'divorcer' behaviors for causing a divorce, and not 'divorcees' who did everything right - in other words, if someone cheats and you file for divorce, the cheater is the 'divorcer'/bad person and you are the 'divorcee'/good person. Or if the other person just leaves, they are the divorcer and you are the divorcee. Obviously there is some debate over what justifies divorce, but the general principle is that if they do bad things, you can leave without any guilt.

This makes it easier to be abstinent, because you don't have to wait extra months for guys to propose or future fake, you don't have to wait an extra year for wedding planning, you don't have to 'test drive' the guy because if you're sexually incompatible you can still get divorced without having produced children, and you won't be stuck with a slimeball if you chose the wrong person.

Title	Sex before marriage
Author	sacchilax
Upvotes	33
Comments	17
Date	September 26, 2020 2:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j071ez/sex_before_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/sex-before-marriage.268667 https://theredarchive.com/post/268667

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