If you need a final push to go to therapy, this is your sign to try to find a psychologist in your area. My toxic patterns seem now clearly visible. One of the largest and hardest reasons I keep choosing abusive partners is to face my LVM father.

I feel so much sadness for my un-healed mom who is still with him today. He verbally abused me growing up, but besides that failed to contribute on so many levels.

Sadly my older brother is mentally ill and my mom will now not only be in charge of housework, work insane hours, etc., she will also be a caretaker with a man who will fail to show up repeatedly. She is yet another tale of why marrying a loser can be so detrimental.

And those are the men who I was drawn to the last 6 years of my life. Men who didn’t show up. Men who didn’t meet my needs. Men who made me feel unloved.

I just graduated with two degrees in three years and I am attending my dream law school next year... I am putting in the work with therapy and have a consistent workout schedule.. I want so badly to be a HVW, to grow physically and mentally, but the reality is my trauma and avoidant/ anxious attachment still looms over me.

Anyway, as most of you women have told me supportively, it is best to focus on school over a man... I will spend (at minimum) my first year of law school alone.

One day at a time. hugs