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eyeahyabasic
[–]West-CookFDS Newbie84 points85 points86 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don’t see a problem. If he turns abusive, then you have the money to get out. If he never turns abusive and you live a happy marriage until old age, you’ll have some extra money saved up to treat yourselves. Win win.
[–]sexualfoodpantryFDS Newbie73 points74 points75 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Only abusers are pathologically interested in what you do with your money. How you spend it, how you save it, etc.
A HVM will NEVER hold a secret savings account against you.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right? Also, the OP in that AITA post makes twice what his wife makes, yet expects her to contribute equally? WTF?
[–]eyeahyabasicFDS Newbie[S] 64 points65 points66 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A lot of people are pointing out that having an emergency account like this is also useful in the event that a spouse dies and the joint accounts are temporarily frozen.
[–]Summerisle7FDS STRATEGY COACH19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's a great point, now I want to go start a new account for myself
[–][deleted] 43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
There's a post about this on AITA right now and you can immediately tell who is a woman or man based on the judgements. It's basically 'women who have been financially abused and had their lives ruined and advising all women to keep escape money' vs. 'males upset a woman won't risk her life and future on the chance he's a good guy and she is a big lying meany pants'.
[–]eyeahyabasicFDS Newbie[S] 53 points54 points55 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
That post is what this guy is responding to.
Yeah, but there are women over there talking about their past abusive relationships and how they wish they could have had an escape fund. Really heartbreaking stuff.
There are also people saying it would have been ok if she wasn’t secretive about it??? Like if you’re worried about abuse, you really shouldn’t be telling your possible abuser about how you’re going to escape. That shouldn’t be a hard concept to grasp.
[–]Teenie34FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Did anyone read Delores Clayborne? She was an abused wife who started to clean houses to save money to get away from her drunk husband. He found out about her account and went to the bank and being all male and shit, got access to his wife’s exit strategy fund. Drained the account, went on a bender, laughed in her face when she found out. The scene was incredibly realistic and so sad. She was trying to get her daughter away from his abuse as well. Men don’t get that we need insurance policies. But they’d buy car insurance?
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
When did this happen?
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's a movie, came out 20+ years ago, originally based on a Stephen King novel.
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you. I'll have to check it out. :)
[–]Teenie34FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also a movie with Cathy Bates
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is CRAZY how many women are sharing stories in that thread about the abuse they suffered when they gave up financial control to a man.
Worse, the (presumably) male commentators keep arguing the OP's wife is still wrong and deceitful.
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
OP also conveniently left out from the post that his wife was abused in a previous relationship, too.
Unfortunately, an escape fund is something that is too nuanced for a lot of young and/or LVM to understand. They're like "she's hiding community property! he's entitled to half! wah wah" Yes, she'd probably be smart to report it in the event of a divorce. However, if she needed money to escape an abusive situation, where the hell would she get it from otherwise?
[–]Teenie34FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Elon Musk’s wife had no access to money for attorneys when he left. She was married to a wealthy man (whom she had known since he was a poor college student) and he left her with a tiny tiny tenth of a percent of his money even though they had kids. No money to fight in court, either.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I think she came out of it with a million bucks and one of his cars. I encourage every woman here to read her interviews about her experience. It's chilling.
I reread that post a few times and still don't understand it. He makes $100K a year, she makes half that, yet he expects her to contribute the same financially to their relationship? Also, her decision to save money doesn't stop him from doing the same, if he wanted to.
Frankly, he raises a lot of red flags for me: he conveniently leaves out that his wife is an abuse survivor - why? To make her look bad to Reddit? Because he's so lacking in empathy that her history doesn't register to him as important? His immediate reaction is to get angry at his wife and threaten her financially, and some of his replies to people in that thread are rude and passive-aggressive.
He sounds abusive, and it sounds like the wife may have started that fund for more reasons than just personal history. Especially the fact that she's jumping so quickly to divorce. I'd be curious to hear the wife's side of this.
[–]PhoenixRisingAsapFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Heard of so many married women who don’t even have their bank accounts. The most foolish thing you can do.
[–]pascalinesFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Every woman needs a fuck off fund!
[–]PrinnykinFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
When I was young, my dad told me to make sure I always have my own income, to never rely on a man for money, and to have a secret bank account.
My ex went through my mail once and found out how much money I have in my savings account. Make sure you never get paper statements!
[–]clamchauderFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That's how that AITA OP found his wife's account too! Doubling down on online-only everything.
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Love how he was going through her mail but took offense that she said his response to finding out about her savings was abusive. In what universe is going through your spouse's mail without a VERY good reason not controlling/abusive?
[–]clamchauderFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know right? His response to suddenly want to pull 40% of his salary out of their joint account to "catch up" is very tit-for-tat. In one of his comments, he mentioned finding the statement in the garbage which makes things worse.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm still reeling at all the LVM in that thread who, despite hearing the wife is an abuse survivor, and all the stories of how men financially abuse women, still double down and say the wife is wrong. They want to argue against reality at this point. Like holy shit.
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She could put him in jail for that
[–]NonRedittorFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Be weary at all times and take care of yourself" sounds too vague but this post summed it up perfectly
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with the OP, always have an exit strategy and never rely on anyone
[–]lluuniFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Y
[–]sexxxybaeFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't like discussing money with a man, but everyone is so open about it nowadays. And some men do seem interested in knowing how much you have in the bank. I wasn't sure if I was being stubborn or if it was a trait of mine, it just feels uncomfortable and like, why does it matter what i have? If a guy is talking about a future with you, like marriage and kids, does it make sense for him to know what you have in the bank? My ex, we are working on things, he asks me what i have in the bank and tells me what he has, what he makes, etc. I just don't know why men are concerned with women's money and what you spend it on.
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How else is he going know you're not a golddigger and have the means to go 50-50 on $5 lattes?
[–]NihilisticBuddhismFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is another reason why I think women should expect proper engagement/wedding rings (instead of some cheap shit).
When things get bad and they don’t have access to money, the ring will help them in an emergency for quick cash.
[–]eyeahyabasicFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Seriously though, for a lot of history women weren’t allowed to own property or have bank accounts, so having jewelry was a woman’s only way to be even slightly fiscally independent.
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[–]West-CookFDS Newbie84 points85 points86 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sexualfoodpantryFDS Newbie73 points74 points75 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]eyeahyabasicFDS Newbie[S] 64 points65 points66 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Summerisle7FDS STRATEGY COACH19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 43 points44 points45 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]eyeahyabasicFDS Newbie[S] 53 points54 points55 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Teenie34FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Teenie34FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple38 points39 points40 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Teenie34FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PhoenixRisingAsapFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pascalinesFDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PrinnykinFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]clamchauderFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple14 points15 points16 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]clamchauderFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Orphanedpinkpetals2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NonRedittorFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lluuniFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sexxxybaeFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NihilisticBuddhismFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]eyeahyabasicFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link