The actual nerve

TLDR- worst date at Top Golf

​

After a brief hiatus from online dating shenanigans I decided to jump back into the game just in time for cuffing season.

I matched with Aaron, 34 year-old stately looking beverage sales professional on Bumble. We chatted about how Aaron had played golf in college and though I myself had no experience with the game, I always wanted to learn.

And hey, I’ve always been good with a stick.

Aaron made a reservation at TopGolf and offered to swing through my neighborhood and pick me up in his car. Not being entirely comfortable with riding in cars with strangers from the internet (besides using Uber multiple times/week) I assured him I could take the train (I live right outside of New York City, so I don’t own a car).

“Ah, are you sure? I swear I’m not an axe murderer, I just thought it would be better so we can split the tolls,” he said.

Was that a joke? I thought. Yes. Had to be. Who is seriously that dumb?

Spoiler alert: AARON. Aaron is that dumb.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. Not even close.

We met in the entryway of the establishment and proceed to the counter to get our clubs.

Aaron pulled out some cash and asked me if I had some to split the cost. Considering I never carry cash with me I told him I only have a card.

“Hmmm OK. Do you want to just get this then?” He asked. “Or maybe they have an ATM…” he said, as he perused the area.

I located the ATM and withdrew the cash needed and prayed that this would soon be over.

We awkwardly walked up to the driving range, and Aaron explained to me that he has to pay for everything in cash because his mom is constantly monitoring his spending, and he didn’t want to have to explain that he was on a date.

Why you ask?

Oh, Aaron had ZERO shame in listing the many reasons.

Because Aaron had made some irresponsible financial decisions in the past, including -- but not limited to -- buying a BMW that his salary was unable to support, using student loan money meant for his master’s degree to make the payments on said BMW, racking up massive credit card debt to supplement his rent payments (in addition to other unnecessary luxuries), then applying for a high interest payday loan in order to pay them off, ultimately causing him to fall deeper into serious financial turmoil.

In exchange for bailing him out of these situations and to get back on his feet, his parents allowed him to move back into their home, but they would also be allowed access to his accounts in order to monitor his spending, though he was given a small ‘allowance’ from his own paycheck in which to spend on daily necessities, while the rest went to reimbursing his parents.

After we finished the bucket of balls Aaron offered to drop me off at the train station ‘since it was on his way, anyway.’

How nice.

When we exchanged awkward goodbyes he decided to shoot his shot and went it for a kiss…

...which I denied. Shocker.

Never in my life have I been so happy to board the New Jersey Transit.

Aaron texted me the next day to ask when I was free to go out again, but I never responded. (I know, I know. Shitty move).

Several days later he had another message for me-

“I think it is pretty clear you are the kind of girl that is looking for a wealthy finance guy who can take care of her. All good though. Have a nice week.”

Ohhh I just love me some passive aggression.