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The things mentioned in this article are big reasons why I would never consider dating a military man. I had no idea just how sexist & pornified the military is until fairly recently. This is from the same time frame as the Marines United scandal.

Connect_Chipmunk_691

May 7, 2021

167 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2017/04/14/decorated-navy-seal-moonlighting-porn-star.html

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Post Information

Title	The things mentioned in this article are big reasons why I would never consider dating a military man. I had no idea just how sexist & pornified the military is until fairly recently. This is from the same time frame as the Marines United scandal.
Author	Connect_Chipmunk_691
Upvotes	167
Comments	67
Date	May 7, 2021 4:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/n72qyb/the_things_mentioned_in_this_article_are_big/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-things-mentioned-in-this-article-are-big.776335 https://theredarchive.com/post/776335

Comments

[–]RussianCat26FDS Newbie 132 points133 points134 points 5 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link

[–]ScalesHaveFallenFDS Newbie 88 points89 points90 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]RussianCat26FDS Newbie 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

You've hit the nail on the head. It seems military parents can be extremely oblivious to how their careers hurt their children. Don't get me started on "surprise homecomings".

It is also incredibly disturbing to realize the people who take jobs in power and protection, usually use that to their own benefit to abuse and neglect the vulnerable around them. My friend adamantly warned me against dating cops, security guards, firemen, or any other community career. The most covert and insidiously abusive people will go great lengths to hold jobs that have upstanding values, will donate to charities, and manipulate a bubble of people around them to protect their fabricated reputation. One scrote I met through tinder straight up said "I want to brutalize a woman, make her cry and choke, but if you can't handle that you're a prude". He's currently serving as an overnight hospital security guard only a few counties away from me. I didn't know his last name, so no way to report him. These are the people we depend on to protect our communities, enforce the law, help us when we're victims of crimes or natural disasters, etc. "not all men" MY ASS

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

💯💯💯💯💯 I completely agree with you 100 million times! I started becoming very disillusioned with our military a couple of years ago when I started coming across articles about the prevalence of sexual assault and rape and the history of the connections between the military and prostitution and all kinds of sex work.

When I was a little girl I experienced childhood sexual trauma and even then as a child I was looking for good men and good examples of manhood, men who wouldn't hurt me, men who would protect me somehow and of course we were always taught that our military were our heroes and our protectors for our whole nation, that they have impeccable character, etc. That they're the cream of the crop as far as all that stuff goes. And the more I've come across over the past couple of years the more I'm seeing that that is not true at all and that our military are some of the worst offenders with all this stuff. It makes me wonder how much damage and destruction has been left in their wake, men women children. There are some who have argued that if women weren't allowed in the military this stuff wouldn't be happening but that's garbage because it was happening to other men well before women were ever allowed in. It's sad to me that even the ones who were supposed to be blatantly safe and trustworthy aren't.

[–]Platipus6FDS Apprentice 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

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[–]hiraethsidharthaFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]RussianCat26FDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SkiesEclipseFDS Apprentice 57 points58 points59 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]SkiesEclipseFDS Apprentice 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

So the men and women’s barracks are separate, and there’s usually only one (sometimes two) so for the most part the women’s unit is a pretty tight knit group.

However, she had one woman in her unit who was an absolute bully to the other women (who should have known better because she was 10 years older than most of the women there).

My sister is vegan, and basic training doesn’t have many options for dietary restrictions. So my sister just ate fries and broccoli at every single meal. This lady noticed and asked her why she never eats anything else, and my sister mentioned she was vegan.

So this lady was always making fun of her, saying things like “all that rabbit food isn’t going to get you through this month” and “real women eat meat.”

But then because all she could eat was French fries, for the first time in my sisters life she started to gain weight (she’s normally like 5’7” and 120 pounds). This lady then started to make fun of her weight. “Getting kinda chubby there Smith” (not real name) and “thank god for all this physical training or you’d REALLY be ballooning up.”

However, my sister ended up being one of the top of her class for that round of basic training. She had the best score in marksmanship and weapons training, the best time in gas mask training (they actually leak tear gas in a small room), her team came in first during navigation, and she had one of the highest scores on her military strategy exam.

She was actually taken aside and encouraged to go through officer training for her great record and strong leadership skills. Anyway, this lady got jealous that a 21 year old was outpacing her in all the training, and she started to make snide remarks to her about “sleeping her way to the top”.

Suffice to say, she had no friends left after the last few weeks, because everyone saw through her bullshit. Everyone knew that my sister always kept her head down, did her work, and was a funny and kind person people wanted to be around.

Not to mention, you are required to do certain chores everyday, and this lady was always half-assing her chores, so people got really tired of having to go redo her work for her. Because in the military, if someone messes up during inspection, it’s not just the entire unit that gets punished, ALL the units get punished.

Sorry for the essay, that’s probably way more information than you wanted lol.

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

So I haven't come across the thing that's most recent while I'm looking this stuff up but there was something a couple decades ago involving several of the instructors. They were charged with things like rape coerced sex assault. A lot of things revolving around those types of charges and multiple charges for some of these dudes! Two of the instructors actually had a sex list where they would evaluate the women they had sex with/raped and compete with each other to see who could get the most on their lists. The judge in the case said that they had serious questions about any of the consensual stuff that supposedly happened because of the power dynamic of a 35-year-old instructor having sex with a 19 year old. That case is the reason why the military now has a hotline for this sort of thing. At that point it had been the biggest known sex scandal. I think I made another comment about this on this post but I can't see it so this might be redundant.

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]souredskittlesFDS Disciple 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 80 points81 points82 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]ScalesHaveFallenFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link

It is completely insane. And it craps all over anything good that they're supposed to be about if you know what I mean. Even looking back at World War II and how necessary that was to stop Hitler, I was stunned by the nasty underbelly on all sides.

What this guy's wife, who is one of the top 100 pornstars globally apparently, was saying about the troops thanking her for keeping them motivated during their deployments made me want to puke. They put her name on one of their tanks. It's right up there with some of the nasty artwork on World War II planes or P**** Galore from Vietnam! Holy God in heaven with that one! One of the guys painted a naked woman on this plane and painted it in such a way that her vagina was located where the gas tank was so whenever they were in the air getting their gas tank filled up the guys in the tank plane were having to put the hose in her vagina. But it was a 'morale booster' so whatever! /s I've about had it with that line too as far as this stuff goes. Naked women and p*** are morale boosters! Prostitutes and sex workers are morale boosters! Basically keep their dicks happy so they keep shooting.

It's beyond disappointing because it would be lovely to see men who actually gave a damn about their character on all levels. Men who genuinely cared about things like honor, valor, integrity and excellence for real, not just when it's convenient or in ways that are socially acceptable. (Laying your life on the line to protect a nation is socially acceptable but being integritous (sp?) as far as how you treat women and not indulging in things like p*** and sleeping around is stuff no one cares about. Or you get a free pass because of the uniform.)

What you said about how there would be no military if they actually went after this stuff is heartbreaking and sadly, true. 💔

[–]qwaliYFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]souredskittlesFDS Disciple 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]mountain-carnivoreFDS Newbie 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh my goodness I had that conversation with a guy friend of mine a few years ago. A few of us were hanging out at our friends baby's birthday party and we were talking about I guess dumb things we did when we were younger cuz that's when we all got to know each other. And he mentioned that. I'm trying to remember how he put it because the way he said it was really good. Whatever it was it was something along those lines and it wasn't said in a derogatory manner. He was saying it in a validating kind of way about whatever we were discussing. Also along the lines of how we wanted to raise our kids to be able to make better choices.

Had your mother been involved with a military guy? One of my aunt's had dated several guys in different branches before she got married but she had good experiences with them although I don't know how long she dated them for so I don't know if that's a factor.

I had a crappy relationship with my parents in my teen years after they separated and there was some junk to work through because of that but I did see as I got older and did work through a lot of my stuff that though they got some things wrong as far as parenting went they were pretty much always spot on about the people I was dating or hanging out with. I have a much better relationship with them now thank God but I have told them that I will listen to whatever they have to say because they're right on with that stuff!

[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn! Holy s***! Gross stuff coming on the heels of technology there.

I personally feel like if you're in the military they should have mandatory mental health and trauma screenings and services they should have to go through, especially upon discharge or retiring. It's just indicative of how the military doesn't seem to actually care about its people.

And yes it is sad about the wife. On the other hand when you're looking at the debt they got themselves into with the houses and that sort of thing I feel like they could have made some better decisions along the lines with that. But this also goes to show how so many women will resort to this stuff when they need money and they need it fast. There's another article about them where she is talking about how she and her husband want to educate people about how p*** is not real it's just a job and you shouldn't want to act this stuff out with your significant others etc. I was hoping it would be a different outcome like they got to see more of how negatively it impacts you. She talked about having a hard time getting jobs because people recognized her and recognized her tattoos or her voice. They didn't want to report the debt to her husband's commanding officers because they didn't want him to lose his security clearance but I'm like how does starring in pornos help with that?

[–]calico_moonFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]just-peepin-at-uFDS Newbie 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Interesting that today is military spouse appreciation day.

Why do I bring it up? Well, I am a military spouse. I am happily married to a good guy.

I didn’t even realize it was today until it was posted on the local base page.

Just hear me out. I don’t expect people to treat me better because of my husband being in the military.

However, on the page it was a bunch of military spouses joking around about being addressed by their husband’s rank and such. It was like seeing who could out “cool girl” the other. It was all very much like “We aren’t like those military spouses. We are the cool military wives!”

I mean y’all, let me honest, I have had a few weird run ins with military spouses. Overall though, I think most spouses are normal, nice enough people, like anywhere else.

Sure there are dysfunctional relationships, but a lot of that is because kids are getting married at nineteen and then deploying right away. Just stuff that is super intense.

The culture of joking about your wives being crazy and your girlfriends cheating on you is part of the issue. Most wives aren’t screeching at someone at the gate. Could it happen? I don’t know, I have never worked at the gate but I just can’t see that the stereotypes of how military spouses are fits broadly.

How does this tie into the article? Well when you have a culture that has issues with women and kind of winks at cheating (on the service memebers side), it is a get out of jail free card for assholes.

My best friend was married to an airman for a few years. He left her as she recovered from cancer for a sex worker. I kid you not. What does he tell people? How she is so crazy.

So it is already a culture that kind of wants women to be awful so they can get away with whatever, and when women fail to be universally terrible because we are individuals and not walking cliches, they make stuff up to justify being horrible.

So I don’t think spouses need a day to be honest, but I also thought it was kind of sad that so many wives apparently has been gas lit to think a majority of their fellow spouses are just terrible people who drop rank we don’t have or demand special treatment. Maybe I don’t think we should necessarily have a military spouse appreciation day, but I also am not going to fall all over myself publicly to prove how I am “not like other girls” or something.

That is just a tiny example of the sort of misogyny that can get into a woman’s mind if they hear this crap enough.

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Oysh, I've come across stuff like that too! With those kinds of military spouses being totally made fun of and stuff. All the references to Dependapotamus' or the Tricareatops. The hatred of single mothers cuz they're just after the paychecks and benefits. Yikes!

It's a whole new world and it's been very eye-opening to see because typically what we civilians are presented with is the heroic side of all of it. The service members their spouses and their families. I've been wondering how things really are. I've wanted to talk with people at times but I'm so afraid of offending someone because of the way we blindly hero worship the military here and how so much of this stuff seems to get swept under the rug, including the service members' cheating that you were mentioning.

And the guy left your friend for a sex worker?! 🤦🤦🤦

Also wanted to throw in there that I am super happy for you and your hubby! 🤗🥰

[–]just-peepin-at-uFDS Newbie 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]the-lonely-spirit 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

So before I came across all this stuff I went on my first date in 15 or 16 years about a year and a half ago. It was with an Army guy and he was a perfect gentleman. I had met him through some group therapy situation. I felt okay about going on that date with him but not continuing the relationship because I didn't feel that kind of connection with him, and I was getting ready to start trauma therapy--he had his own issues that he was working on as well so that was not going to be a good call. He was really great about the whole thing when I explained it to him which was mostly just leaning on the dealing with the trauma stuff.

Several months later however, sorry this might be a little long, I came across a couple of posts I liked a lot on one of my feeds. Someone had reposted them so I checked out the OP's account. That guy was an army reservist, and had previously been in the army for several years, who also had a business doing boudoir photography & apparently was into shibari. His whole page was a mix of military exercise photos, because he was a photographer for the military as well, photos of his boudoir photography clients & shibari stuff. I'd liked a couple of random posts that had nothing to do with any of that stuff & left it at that. Next thing I know he shows up in my notifications having liked a bunch of my photos but only the ones of me & wanted me to DM him. He DM'd me though. This was a stupid moment for me because I'd just gotten done processing some really heavy duty stuff, related to a combo of sexual trauma & rejection, & some pick me crap came up from that in the form of me trying to have an actual conversation with him.

He was nice at first & seemed okay to talk to. He told me I looked like I had a good body, why didn't I have any more full length shots of me on my page? At first I didn't think much of that because of the photography work he did. Then he made a crude comment about one of my body parts. At that point I normally would've told him to f off but I didn't because that wounded part of me wanted his approval & acceptance. And especially from a military guy because they're just supposed to be strong awesome amazing people overcoming all kinds of obstacles & we keep hearing about what heroes they are! Simultaneously the military stuff kind of scared the crap out of me. This dude was an ass right out of the gate and he was going to be close by in a few months for some kind of training so what would he be like pissed off? Was he vindictive?

That wounded part of me kept trying to talk to him. In spite of the fact that I could sense his interest waning because I was not giving him a nude pic. In spite of the fact that at some point during these attempts he told me that not only did he need a nap but he also needed a BJ! He honestly started behaving like a petulant child. After these several attempts he finally snapped at me and asked how long this is going to go on before I gave him the nude pic! The audacity especially after I never said I was giving him one. The audacity to message me demanding a nudie pic and then acting like some spoiled temper tantrum brat when he figured out he wasn't getting it! He went off on me and told me how selfish I was being he gaslit me about some other things and told me I was wasting his time and that the whole conversation was pointless and a bunch of other things I don't remember.

Between the initial conversation and when I told him off I had checked out his boudoir photography website, and re-centered myself. The website makes it sound like he's so pro women feeling good about themselves and wanting them to love their bodies as they are. I think one of the parts of his write-up was something along the lines of, Let me help you to fall in love with yourself! One of the inclusions for the photo sessions he offered was a shout out on his social media pages. That seemed really odd to me--I don't think the shout out is really for the women. He had good reviews about his professionalism and how great he is at connecting with his models and helping them to feel relaxed and comfortable. From everything I've seen and read apparently this is only for women who give him what he wants and/or pay him for his services. That was one of the things I came at him with when I told him off. Quotes from his page. I don't know that I would ever trust a male boudoir photographer. I haven't known many but the two dudes I have known have both been scumbags. Blocked & deleted.

It was just further reinforcement to me also to be on my guard when I am vulnerable, especially processing trauma from my past, because these guys always seem to show up when you're in those moments. So be on your guard, ladies! 🤗🥰

[–]_electrafireFDS Disciple 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Connect_Chipmunk_691FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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