To ghost or not to ghost

night_glitter · 2020-07-29T02:20:25+00:00

Eh I’d just forget about him. Texting him is a waste of your time. He knows, sis.

dior-not-war · 2020-07-29T02:16:12+00:00

Ghost him. It’s one thing to have to cancel a date with a valid excuse, and it’s another to cancel 3 times. If he wanted to see you he would put in the effort. It really isn’t hard to set aside a little time to see someone, and if he really liked you he would have done that. Just block his number and social media accounts. No explanation needed.

gursky0 · 2020-07-29T02:17:34+00:00

What would you get out of confronting him? Other than lies and excuses?

There's nothing wrong with ghosting. You don't owe courtesy to someone who's clearly disrespecting you and your time. But you don't have to ghost if you don't want to. You can just say "this isn't working for me, wish you the best" and peace out (i.e. no explaining, block and delete if he won't let it go).

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-29T03:15:21+00:00

Ghost. You’re not a priority. You deserve better. You won’t break his heart. People don’t flake over and over again on someone they’re really into.

I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I’ve been on the receiving end of this behavior many times. I’m trying to get you to understand that you don’t owe him an explanation. He made his grave.

If you try to explain, he will only gaslight you, damaging your faith in your own judgment, intuition and standards.

RiteWriter · 2020-07-29T02:37:05+00:00

“This isn’t working for me” — texts and calls are for someone who may have be awkward or it didn’t work but you could tell they tried. I texted someone recently that kept missing video calls — other communication was nice enough — lo and behold a boatload of texts and excuses suddenly from a different number.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-29T02:43:32+00:00

Deep down you already know the answer sis! ;)

MakeURegret · 2020-07-29T02:46:19+00:00

I've been talking /seeing this guy for a while and although we never had that talk that we were exclusive it would be assumed we were a couple at an outsiders point of view.

I hope you were still seeing other people.

The last two or three dates we've organised, they haven't happened. It gets planned but it falls through because he has work or something came up etc etc etc.....

“We’ve organized?” If he hasn’t asked for exclusivity he should be planning them and you saying yes/no.

And if he wanted to he would. If he had a chance with beyonce he would figure out how to get out of those work excuses.

There is no point in confronting him. You will either get:

A) silence - which will likely hurt you

B) gaslighting explanations - this will cause you to hold on and put in effort for a guy who doesn’t put in effort for you.

C) honesty - him saying he’s just not that into you - which will also hurt. But there won’t be any constructive feedback. So this is still pointless and ultimately just heartache.

You can send a text “I’m done.” And block and delete or you can just block and delete right now. He knows what he’s doing.

Edited: on mobile fixed typo

thighsmatch · 2020-07-29T04:35:32+00:00

If he’s flaked on you three times he’s just not that into you. Don’t make this about ghosting. You don’t have to ghost-you can text him and say “hey it seems we want different things but I wish you the best” and then block the fuck out of him. Stop trying to leave the door open for this time waster.

Scotsburd · 2020-07-29T07:42:03+00:00

Do you honestly believe he is anguished over this? He isn't, so neither should you be. Tell him bye if you must but he's really not worth the headspace.

talldrankofH2O · 2020-07-29T02:15:37+00:00

Nope, just ghost him or send a text ending it & block him. He’s put in no effort to go through with these dates, you don’t need to put in any effort to ending it

comet2004 · 2020-07-29T05:02:17+00:00

I was in a similar situation and ultimately I decided to ghost and I don't regret it. if he really cares enough to wants an explanation he will text despite you one more time and that's when you can explain why you are done if you want but honestly in my experience he won't because he knows what he is doing.

h_witko · 2020-07-29T11:54:18+00:00

I have this issue and honestly, I always regret not ghosting. Just do it.

passionatevirtuoso · 2020-07-29T03:08:14+00:00

I'm not a personal fan of ghosting.

It sounds like you are a bit conflicted too.

However, I also wouldn't judge you for ghosting. It sounds like he has been an ass.

You are not obligated to text him, explain, make him understand.

For me personally, the polite thing to do is make it clear it is over. That's all. And only do it if YOU want to, because he has not earned it tbh.

If you do feel like it is helpful for you here are some options, "Sorry, this isn't working. Please don't contact me."

Or even shorter, "I'm done. Don't contact me."

babyels · 2020-07-29T07:31:09+00:00

I was just in a similar situation yesterday. I started seeing this guy from Hinge. It was all so great in the beginning. We went on 3 dates, which were really great and I am sure he enjoyed them as well. But for some reason he started flaking, not messaging for days. I was thinking of just blocking him and move on but instead decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and straight asked him if he is still interested or not. Of course he would gas light me that it’s all in my head and it’s been only 3 dates and he wasn’t looking for serious relationship right now 🤣 where I had asked him on date 1 if he was looking for a serious relationship. Felt really stupid but proud of myself for ending things rather sooner than later. Just ghost him!

alichuchu · 2020-07-30T12:44:18+00:00

Ghost. If this was a friend we were talking about, and they kept constantly flaking on you, I’m sure you’d have none of it. Someone will make time out for you and commit if they really wanted to meet you.

Title	To ghost or not to ghost
Author	Lolo205
Upvotes	24
Comments	15
Date	July 28, 2020 11:21 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hzpgkn/to_ghost_or_not_to_ghost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/to-ghost-or-not-to-ghost.718473 https://theredarchive.com/post/718473

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