The term ‘red flag’ has lost its meaning over time. Many women believe that the term means something like “wait and see”, or “it’s bad, but not that bad, or “I’ve noted it, but I’ll still continue”. And it’s time to screw that definition. If a man does something that you deem to be a red flag, and you don’t immediately act on it by aborting mission, then it’s not a red flag for you. It’s really that simple.

When the traffic light is red, you don’t continue driving. You stop. So, why continue in a relationship when you’re acknowledged that there are red flags present? Because they’re not red flags to you. If you’re willing to tolerate a certain behaviour from a man, no matter how bad and asinine it is, then you can’t deem it a red flag. Call it amber, green or whatever you want to call it. But it’s not red. A red flag means abort mission. Stop. Do not pass Go. Do not proceed. Danger ahead.

Vetting is only a small part of the process. If you’re not willing to act on the information that you discover, whether it’s good or bad, then you may as well not bother. Recognising red flags and acting upon them requires you to maintain some level of emotional distance and to have high levels of self-esteem. If you let poor behaviour slide, if you get comfortable with a man exhibiting so many red flags that a communist rally would be jealous, then you’re allowing your boundaries to busted.

And if you’re willing to stick around after he’s shown you who he is, red flags and all, then it’s time to do some soul searching and find out why you think it’s okay to accept less than you deserve. Red flags are not ornamental parts of someone’s character. They’re a clear sign of profound pain and misery down the road. Take heed of them and act accordingly.